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Original poster

My sons school have raised safe guarding concerns

223 replies

Livelove0x · 26/06/2023 17:43

Due to unfortunate circumstances me and my three children have had to move quite a way from school, we get a bus or taxi then a 25 minute train and a 20 minute bus to school. With my youngest son now being at nursery and starting at 8.30 my 13 year old daughter takes my 6 year old son on the bus from town to school, I put them on in the morning and meet them off it after school. The bus stop is outside school so there are no main roads to cross, my daughter is quite mature for her age and I have no issues with her making sure he’s safe, she has a contract phone and we communicate during the bus ride. The school found out today that this is what we are doing and have raised concerns, I am trying my best to do what I can in our situation. Does anyone have any advice because if my daughter can’t take him I’ll be late dropping my youngest and late picking up my 6 year old. School want a meeting tomorrow after school, what do I say

OP posts:
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thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 26/06/2023 21:49

@Livelove0x Please let your DD's school know she has become a young carer. This information was often collected by schools, but became a formal census data collection item in Jan 2023. It doesnt have to be a formal arrangement - and can be notified to school by a parent or the child themselves. It can also be recorded directly by the school. I am very active in ensuring that our data on this is accurate. If the YC is late to registration every morning because they are dropping younger children to school then we need to know. Please message me if you would like to discuss in more detail. I probably can find links to post if anyone else needs them.

namitynamechange · 26/06/2023 22:16

I would set out the facts as you put them here. It sounds like you are doing your best in a difficult set of circumstances and, personally, I don't think a 13 year old taking a 6 year old on a bus with no changes etc is an issue - especially if they are being waved of by you at one end and are straight at the school at the other.

However, I would do as others have suggested and explicitly ask the school for support with the transport situation. If they are worried about the current situation they might be able to help find a better solution. I think that's better anyway than going in with a defensive attitude.

GameOverBoys · 26/06/2023 22:18

Is there a breakfast club you could take them to?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

13 year olds 6 year olds Childcare & nursery Families
Rainbowsandbutterflies1990 · 26/06/2023 22:22

As a 13 year old I would regularly babysit for a 7,6 and 4 year old! This the the 1990s

Merlinsbeard83 · 26/06/2023 22:23

Does your 13 year old have to leave school early to pick your 6 year old up? No after school clubs/classes for the 13 year old? It is a lot of responsibility .
I hope it's a meeting to help you and be understanding .

Mumofdirtandglitter · 26/06/2023 22:25

It's not ideal and I feel you acknowledged that but you've been thrown into this situation and are doing your best which should be applauded especially after what sounds like a very difficult time that you've managed to get away from.

Explain everything to the school and ask them to support you with your needs. Keep your head up mama x

PaigeMatthews · 26/06/2023 22:26

Go to the meeting. Know you're doing nothing wrong. Very standard for high school children to collect younger siblings. The high i used to work at had a early finish and lots of pupils went to pick up subs from the local primaries.

If they suggest you are wrong thank them for their help and ask them what that help is. They may offer taxis, or nothing.

they most likely want to discuss the circumstances of the move to see if that needs further involvement.

Original poster
Livelove0x · 26/06/2023 22:32

Supergirl1958 · 26/06/2023 20:15

I’ve only read the first page am I’m already shocked that people think it’s ok for a 13 year old to take a 6yo on public transport alone!

whilst I understand the extenuating circumstances for the OP, and sympathise, I would raise this as a safeguarding concern too! Most schools have a policy as to the accepted age for pick ups and drop offs, 13 has NEVER been an acceptable age.

The school will want to help the OP and they might suggest collection themselves.

The school have no issue with my daughter picking my son up, they have an issue with them catching the bus in to town to meet me off that bus

OP posts:
Spiralout · 26/06/2023 22:39

Took myself to school on a 30 minute train and 10 minute bus from age 7 onwards
through the 90s/00s. Can’t see an issue with it but you know your own children and their capabilities. Only plus side is school May offer some support to help.

Winter42 · 26/06/2023 22:50

I don't think I would let my two do this but they are closer in age and bicker constantly and the youngest is very headstrong.

However, it seems to be quite normal that older siblings (age 12/13 ish) collect their brothers and sisters from my daughter's primary.

Thatsridiculous · 26/06/2023 22:52

I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time OP.

I have children of a similar age. My view is that, age 13, young people have the skills
to begin to travel independently, and to go a bit further afield with their friends. Looking after themselves is different to looking after someone else so young.

I don’t think that 13 year olds should be given the additional responsibility of caring for a sibling so young on public transport for that length of time.

I understand that you are trying your best to keep things ticking over and that you probably have significant pressure on you to make this work.

If there are other parents on the same bus, why not just organise for them to be responsible for your youngest? Makes more sense.

Those of you comparing the situation to what you did 20 and 30 years ago aren’t being very helpful.

londonmummy1966 · 26/06/2023 22:55

a 13 year old who can barely look after themselves and are known to be doozy when crossing the road

I'm not sure what planet you live on but round here (London) a 13 year old can get the tube anywhere, a bus anywhere and negotiate a large mainline railway station and will have been doing it for at least 2 if not 3 years......

At 13 my dd got a train from a suburban station (8 platforms) to a mainline terminus (19 platforms) and then went to a nearby home to supervise a 5 year old doing reading/homework, cooked her supper, played a bit, bathed her and put her to bed once week. Waited until parent got home at 8.30 and then got the Tube home... Perfectly normal round here.

SoWhatEh · 26/06/2023 22:57

Safeguarding that arrangement? FFS. Japanese children walk to school alone from the age of 5! I walked to school alone from the age of about 7.
Your 13 year old is perfectly capable of doing what you have discussed.

Perhaps they want to check she isn't being put in the role of his key carer. But once you explain, they should leave you alone.

Upwiththelark76 · 26/06/2023 23:01

I have to say I think so many posters are out of touch . A 13 year old can be confident and capable. Depending of course on how they have been brought up and the responsibilities parents have given them. I don’t see a problem here .

MrsMiddleMother · 26/06/2023 23:05

People on another thread had no issue with a 7 year old walking alone to school! I think this isn't an issue and wouldn't be too concerned.

PurpleWisteria1 · 26/06/2023 23:18

doingthehokeykokey · 26/06/2023 21:28

This is unenforceable. Utter nonsense that if you chose to ignore they could do zip all
about it.

Boils my blood.

Show quote history

How is it unenforceable? Their rules are that any child may not leave or arrive alone younger than y5 with anyone younger than 16. They simply won’t release the child from the teacher at the end of the day.
The school consider it a concern if they are coming into school alone before y5 or with someone who is younger than 16. They would treat it the same as if a 6 year old was coming to school alone.

PurpleWisteria1 · 26/06/2023 23:19

SoWhatEh · 26/06/2023 22:57

Safeguarding that arrangement? FFS. Japanese children walk to school alone from the age of 5! I walked to school alone from the age of about 7.
Your 13 year old is perfectly capable of doing what you have discussed.

Perhaps they want to check she isn't being put in the role of his key carer. But once you explain, they should leave you alone.

But we are not in Japan. Not by a very long shot!

PurpleWisteria1 · 26/06/2023 23:21

londonmummy1966 · 26/06/2023 22:55

a 13 year old who can barely look after themselves and are known to be doozy when crossing the road

I'm not sure what planet you live on but round here (London) a 13 year old can get the tube anywhere, a bus anywhere and negotiate a large mainline railway station and will have been doing it for at least 2 if not 3 years......

At 13 my dd got a train from a suburban station (8 platforms) to a mainline terminus (19 platforms) and then went to a nearby home to supervise a 5 year old doing reading/homework, cooked her supper, played a bit, bathed her and put her to bed once week. Waited until parent got home at 8.30 and then got the Tube home... Perfectly normal round here.

Your 13 year old DD was getting the train home alone in the dark at 8:30pm on a school night?

Tempone · 26/06/2023 23:23

13 year old who can barely look after themselves and are known to be doozy when crossing the road

sorry, that sounds appalling if it's true.....

**
I'm not sure what planet you live on but round here (London) a 13 year old can get the tube anywhere, a bus anywhere and negotiate a large mainline railway station and will have been doing it for at least 2 if not 3 years......
**

At 13 my dd got a train from a suburban station (8 platforms) to a mainline terminus (19 platforms) and then went to a nearby home to supervise a 5 year old doing reading/homework, cooked her supper, played a bit, bathed her and put her to bed once week. Waited until parent got home at 8.30 and then got the Tube home... Perfectly normal round here.

FlyingPandas · 26/06/2023 23:31

It sounds really hard OP but I would feel very uneasy about it. I too have a very sensible 13yo who would be more than capable of doing this on a normal, straightforward journey. But it's the potential variables that would be an issue i.e. 6yo kicks off for a random reason and DD cannot calm him down, another adult on the bus acts in an inappropriate way towards your two DC and DD doesn't know what to do and there is no adult there to support her, the 6yo hurts themselves in some way and becomes inconsolable, there is an unexpected change in bus route due to road works/accident on the way/bus breaks down etc. Yes, all of those might be unlikely but they are all possible and in any of those situations your 13yo DD is incredibly vulnerable because she is essentially a child in charge of a child. You might be at the end of the phone but that's still not really ideal because you can't provide any practical help at the end of the phone.

It is really hard and I feel for you but school are right to raise concerns. Hopefully they will also offer some support.

Tempone · 26/06/2023 23:34

Sorry that was to @londonmummy1966 bold fail.

TeenLifeMum · 26/06/2023 23:34

It depends so much on the dc - both of them. My Dd1 is 15 exes so so sensible and fab at babysitting. Very trustworthy but at 13 she wasn’t confident enough in herself for the level of responsibility op describes. But, my 11 yo twins (almost 12) are super organised and have a level of awareness and confidence dd1 didn’t have. They would be fine to look after a little one. Then, how well behaved is the younger one? It’s not ideal but I think some posters would be surprised at the number of child carers looking after unwell parents etc. it happens and they step up. Dc can be truly awesome and that level of responsibility will stand them in good stead.

Tempone · 26/06/2023 23:36

Sorry op, I think it's not ideal. Is ex likely to approach them or follow them? I think it's far too much responsibility for a 13 yo. Sounds like school can possibly help? Is there a breakfast club or anything?

Freehugs · 26/06/2023 23:45

There is nothing necessary wrong with a 13y/o taking a younger sibling to school by bus. You know your kids best to make such judgements.

At the meeting you need to clarify why this has been raised and what exactly are they concerned about.

Could a member of the public or another parent raised this with the school? Maybe something happened that you are not aware of?

If this type of concern was passed to me I would be wanting to understand the reasons behind the 13y/o carrying out this task. Firstly neglect and an older sibling picking up the slack comes to mind.

I’d further enquire about the 6y/o attendance and general well-being with their school.

I’d be in contact with the youngest child’s nursery to enquire about their attendance, rough time of arrival and their over all well-being.

I would enquire about school attendance and well-being of 13y/o.

If there are no other concerns, evidence of neglect/harm and there’s been no incident it would be case closed- you are in contact throughout the journey and the current arrangements are temporary.

I’d ask that schools monitor the situation and if the family home location becomes long term then encourage parent to look at catchment schools.

Mumwithbaggage · 26/06/2023 23:48

I'm a teacher. Sounds sensible to me. I was about 6 when I went to school alone on the bus - my friend got on two villages down. We walked to school with the headteacher who met us but he wasn;t always there - two six year olds walking a well trodden path to school. All good.