I am beginning to regret having my baby. She's 10 weeks old and I feel like I have completely ruined my life. It was perfect before, we had both salaries coming in so we had a good amount of money each month which meant we could do whatever we wanted. We went on holiday together every year. We went out together every weekend and it was stress free. I had my freedom. I had my independence. I wasn't worried if my child was going to start crying in her pram while out and about. I had time to myself. I loved my alone time - why did I do this to myself?
I was so sure I wanted a baby. I had a great pregnancy and I was SO happy and excited the whole time. But it's so different to what I imagined. I thought I would enjoy taking care of her and cuddling her when she's upset. I thought I'd have a great bond with her. I think I love her but it's so hard sometimes I don't know if I do. She's not even a difficult baby, she cries and gets irritable through the day but she's sleeping at night, 11pm - 4/5am and then back down until around 7am so I can't even blame it on sleep deprivation.
I have zero patience for her crying and irritability. I just want to be left alone to do my own thing and do what I want to do. I find it so relentless and I don't know what to do with her all day to keep her entertained and stop her from getting irritable.
I am too selfish and lazy to take care of a child, I don't know why I ever thought it would be a good idea.
My partner takes care of her amazingly, he has so much patience for her when she won't nap or if she is having a hard time in the day and he can spend hours trying to settle her without getting frustrated.
I just can't believe I've done this to myself and I wish I knew 12 months ago what I know now because I would never have started trying for a baby.
We do have family who come and take care of her every now and then to give us some time out but I feel like I don't fully enjoy it because I know I've got to go back to her eventually.
I am desperate to enjoy being a family of 3 but I'm not, the last two months have been hell.
I have never hated myself more than I do now for bringing this innocent little girl into the world and having a mother that can't be bothered to look after her half the time.