Do people physically force kids?

[Anonymouslyposting]

My 2.5 year old DD is going through the terrible twos. She is a lovely, clever, kind little girl but I am having to take a lot of deep breaths at the moment…

She won’t do anything she’s asked to - get up, get dressed, eat, drink, go out, do any activity we suggest, have her vitamins, brush her teeth or go to bed. She’s intermittently rejecting my DH who used to be a firm favourite and has started occasional hitting (she seems more to be trying to see our reaction that hurt us). Apparently she is good as good at nursery but is the same with her grandparents.

I understand that this is developmentally normal, she’s testing boundaries and asserting herself, particularly as we have a 4 month old who is taking my attention and I’m sure has been unsettling for her.

But what do we do? Do we really have to physically force her into her clothes/the buggy/to brush her teeth every time? I’ve tried explaining things to her, waiting until she gets bored and gives in (but I don’t always have time for this), mirroring her feelings but none of this works consistently. I’m sure she’ll go out of this phase but is it normal for everything to be a fight until then?

Into buggy or carseat- yes.
As an older lady passing by advised me once, "they'll bend before they break"
Also yes to holding hands by busy roads.

Eh you try as much as you can. Making it into a game or getting a toy to do it eg the toy brushes her teeth can help. Or bribery and threats 🙈 ideally forcing is the last straw. If it really needs to be done you can explain calmly why it needs to happen, give them a warning and then do it is as safely as you can.

Brushing teeth make sure you use a mirror so they can see, as it can be quite scary having someone come at your mouth.

Also always give them as much choice as possible.

Yes. We all have to do shit we don't want to do sometimes; it's no different for children. Whilst I never physically forced my children to, for example, eat their dinners, get dressed or brush their teeth, I have been known to say that they either do what they're being told to do or face some consequence or other. As they have got older I am more inclined to reason with them, where appropriate, but trying to reason with a raging three year old having a tantrum is just madness.

My neighbour didn't believe in forcing her child to clean her teeth. At the age of 5 the child had to have half of all her teeth removed under a general anesthetic. So yeah, that one is a hill to die on. I've cleaned them while they've been crying, at least the mouth is open. So stressful though.

This is great advice before you get to that point though!
I also had some success with 'will you hold mums hand and help HER down steps' etc.

Teeth brushing- yes but I admit it was a ten second job with an angry toddler. Healthy food and water only as drinks- ten seconds over all surfaces would do in a pinch.

I agree with the hands and roads to an extent, but I’ve also seen very stressed and worn out parents really squeezing their kids so it looks painful. I get it I really do! But that’s obviously going to hurt them and make them not want to hold your hand even more next time.

Lots of things, like teeth brushing, you can make into a game or get them involved choosing a toothbrush that plays music etc. A car seat is nonnegotiable and if you have to force then in it, then you have to do it.

Does she have a special toy?

Can teddy go with you like a good boy/girl to brush their teeth?
Can teddy get dressed without a fuss?
Can teddy eat all his dinner?

And so on.......... The idea being she wants to do what Teddy is doing too.

Yes.
I do not negotiate with two year olds.

Yes and those who say they don't are lying. You have to get them.dresswd and clean etc

What's the difference between a 2-year-old and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist!

Yes.

I have two 3 year olds. If I waited until they wanted to nicely put on their clothes we'd never leave the house, go to nursery naked or go to nursery dressed as PJ Masks.

If I waited for them to brush their own teeth they'd fall out.
If I only used the buggy when they climbed in freely we'd never go anywhere.

Of course I always ask nicely first, give choices when I can, I changed the bloody jumper twice today, Inc back to the origin one I'd picked.

But sometimes, we need to GO!

The only think I’ve ever forced my kids to do is brush their teeth, it’s non negotiable.

I ended up wrapping one in a towel and pinning them down to clean them. I also remember saying keep screaming, it helps to do your teeth when your mouth is open like that.

I only had to do it once.

One thing that always worked with my DD was reminding her what she had to lose if she didn't comply, it only really worked for things related to getting ready to go out but example:

Please put your coat on now, we're going to the park.
NO! I'm not having my coat!
You need to wear your coat to go to the park. Do you want to go to the park and play on the swings?
Yes!
Well then put your coat on. Shall I help you do it up?
And she would do it.

This became almost like a ritual we had to complete by the time she grew out of it! But agree with PP things like toothbrushing you have to force. Sometimes it's actually less painful for all concerned to pin them down and brush their teeth than chase them about negotiating.

I agree to pick battles but seatbelts and teeth brushing are nonnegotiable!

One thing I used to do is say, “I’m going to hug that bad behavior out,” and give her a big squeeze and pretend there was disgusting sludge coming out, leaving a pure, well-behaved child. It worked more often than I would have thought.

Agree with PPs I have no qualms forcing teeth brushing. Which I did for months but he now happily accepts (2.5 yo).
Car seat I don’t regularly need to force as I say do you want to climb in or shall I carry you in? Usually wants to climb in and then happily lets me clip him in.

I don’t force him into bed, I lay with him til he sleeps.

would never force a child to eat - so unhealthy IMO

Yes.

And nursery will have really firm rules and just force them to do things (pick them up and move them) if they need to as well.

Pick your battles.

Unless a child is stark naked they don't need to be in specific clothes. You can take them out in PJs. 2.5 is still quite young for her to be dressing herself.

For me brushing teeth was an absolute boundary, so yes, if she really wouldn't I would insist.

IME it is better not to ask. Because of the way their brains develop, if you ask, they perceive it as being offered a choice. If you just say 'ok DD, left hand in here ... right hand in here ... on you go!' then they've got their top on with no bother. You can save the time-consuming bits where they're dressing themselves for weekends when you have all the time in the world.

Likewise with the buggy. I'd distract DD until the last possible moment then pick her up quickly, pop her in, do the 'right hand/left hand' bit with the straps and not leave her time to blink. In the case of getting into a buggy there is really no life lesson to be learned - she will never need to learn to do that for herself as an adult, so why make it a battleground?

I also use the time spent faffing to do the ironing. I hate ironing, and I hate waiting for a very slow child. So somehow, doing both at once makes each shite chore feel less awful.

My friend drove her 3yo to nursery naked due to refusal to get dressed. Asked if wanted to get dressed in car on arrival or go in naked

Yes I do that when we’re by the road! ‘Can you hold mummy’s hand on the pavement to keep her safe?’ It’s a great tool! Also talking to stuffed toys/pets about their behaviour in a positive way whilst they’re in ear shot. I call relatives too on loudspeaker when he does something positive that we’ve been working on for a long time, it helps to boost that good behaviour!

OMG I can totally see how that would happen. 'Do you want to get dressed, darling?' 'NO MUMMY, I'S NAKED!'

They are terrible.

I just knew this thread would be about a 2 yr old ... 😆

Somethings you can give a little on...tooth brushing unfortunately at such a young age can be a nightmare when having to, within reason hold them in place to do it...in another year or so surprisingly, if you approach it positively? They will love brushing their teeth! Now be prepared for the later teenage years where you have to double and triple check they brushed their teeth 🤣 teenagers can be so lazy!

This. End of. The only thing I would not force was eating.

Why didn’t you just pick him
up and put him in?