Did you have a gender preference?

[mnetx]

I know it’s sex of the baby! But the word gender is used for reveal / scan etc

did you have a preference?

please no hate I want this post to be a safe space for people who may have had a preference and or disappointment !

I have 1 DS and expecting my 2nd baby (only early on so don’t know the sex) Had a preference with him (I wanted a boy) and I have a preference this time round and feel a bit guilty

Always wanted a girl. Found out it's a boy, felt very 'oh, really?'

We're only having one so I'll never have a girl BUT my son adores his dad and all his tools in the garage, lawn mowers etc., it's so heartwarming to see. My own dad abandoned me so watching my son bonding with his dad over the same interests has been incredibly healing to my soul.

I wanted a boy. Found out it was a girl. Was a bit disappointed but what can you do. Pregnant with the second. I wanted a boy. Scan reviled a girl. That was the last child we were going to have. Again I was disappointed. However, once I had time to come to terms I was ok and now I'm happy with two girls and don't think about having a boy at all. DP really didn't care what we had.

I wanted a boy, got lucky had a boy, with my second the pregnancy was different, wondered if I might be having a girl, hospital seemed worried when they said it’s another boy, I just laughed, I was very happy to be having another son. I wonder if my preference was because I have always had a very bad relationship with my mum, and was worried if that would be replicated. Who knows, but my boys are 20 & 21 now, and best friends as well as brothers. Wouldn’t change it for the world, so glad I had boys.

Girls for me. Weirdly a stronger feeling about my second than my first. I got my two girls, but of course had I had boys I'm sure I would have loved them just as much and been just as happy.

Definitely don't agree that any level of preference means you shouldn't have kids at all. For one thing, it's often not something you can control and not about stereotypes. It's often more deeply rooted in our own relationships with our parents or life experiences (my preference almost certainly comes from my own childhood experience). Also for most people, sex preference is entirely dissipated when the baby arrives. Having a preference for a hypothetical child is very difference from being disappointed by a child once they are actually here.

If your preference takes the form of severe mental anguish at the thought of one sex over another then that's something worth getting help for, but a reasonably mild preference or desire/vision one way or the other is perfectly normal.

Agree @Hugasauras

I didn’t have a “preference” exactly but when I found out I was having a boy I was in shock for a bit, I think from previous trauma. It didn’t last very long, but I was surprised by it!

Yes, I preferred girls and got girls both times. No childhood trauma, I guess I just generally don't have a particularly high opinion of boys/men.

I think people on MN can be really hysterical about this. To me it seems obvious that the vast majority of people will not continue to feel this way once their baby has arrived and they inevitably fall in love with them.

No preference, although I'd imagined a boy because I have nephews and boys were what I knew. I was a bit scared and surprised to find out I was having a girl! My partner definitely had a preference for a girl and he was thrilled.

We're trying for no.2 now, and I'm just hoping for a healthy, happy baby this time, but I have imagined it'll be a girl. Maybe that's a preference? Very stupidly, we already have a tentative name for her. I'm pretty sure I'll get a boy now! I don't think I'll be disappointed, if we're lucky enough to conceive second time around, but it'll probably mean I have to recalibrate my brain a bit!

Assuming you’re in the UK, no that isn’t how IVF works. Unless there is a generic condition that affects one sex, IVF clinics are not allowed to offer sex selection. This is regulated by the HFEA. Embryos are transferred based on a grading system of their development, nothing to do with sex/ gender.

To answer the OP, my DD is an IVF baby and I was just so shocked and relieved to be pregnant that I really didn’t have a preference.

If we were lucky enough to have another baby, I’d have a slight preference for my DD to have a sister, and it would be nice to use some of her lovely clothes again. If we had a boy, I’m sure I’d soon adjust to that and enjoy shopping for him!

Thank you for pointing that out as I am not currently in the UK. But I know of friends who have specifically chosen to have a boy/girl through IVF and others who tried for twins via fertility treatments so I just assumed that that was the case for most in the UK. I guess I was wrong. I was responding to the poster who I had quoted as he/she wrote:

No and I don’t think people should actively try for a child if they do.

This confused me because it implied that people shouldn’t actively try to have a child if they do have a preference.

I always pictured myself as a boy mum so I was a bit shell shocked when we found out she was a girl. However it’s not really made a blind bit of difference, I dress her in whatever I like regardless of which ‘section’ it comes from and she has a real mix of interests so we aren’t restricted to ‘girly’ stuff.

I don’t have a preference really. I didn’t even think about either of their genders and only found out because I wanted to be prepared