Did you have a gender preference?

[mnetx]

I know it’s sex of the baby! But the word gender is used for reveal / scan etc

did you have a preference?

please no hate I want this post to be a safe space for people who may have had a preference and or disappointment !

I have 1 DS and expecting my 2nd baby (only early on so don’t know the sex) Had a preference with him (I wanted a boy) and I have a preference this time round and feel a bit guilty

I’m confused by this. What does having a preference to do with actively trying?

FWIW, I don’t really have a preference but who knows, I might change my mind later. I have colleagues who went the IVF route and chose to specifically have a boy or a girl, I’m not sure how that works but I have friends who were offered this option but stated they didn’t have a preference. I do remember growing up and one of my neighbours crying about wanting a boy whilst her water broke because she had 3 girls and she denied saying it later but we were all there to witness her say that because she felt embarrassed as she’s normally quite rational. But I did read somewhere that some people do have such a strong preference that if affects them psychologically until they get what they want.

This. It's natural to have dreams, but for most just a healthy child SHOULD be the dream.

First time, no preference whatsoever. DH confessed afterwards he had hoped for a daughter (which he got) but he didnt what to tell me that until afterwards!

Second time, initially no preference. When I found at 12 week scan I was expecting twins I thought it might be cheaper if they were girls (as I'd already got more clothes that would be suitable, and I was feeling very aware of extra costs). Two lovely boys.

Pregnant again now. I've sort of got a vague preference for a second girl because it would be so pleasingly symmetrical... in my head it makes a nice diamond shape, but that's just a bit of whimsy really. We also agree on a girl's name, but don't for a boy. We find out next month.

I wanted a girl because I felt like I was having a girl. Turned out I was right. I don’t think I would have been disappointed as such but just surprised. Second child was a boy and I had no preference. Love them both.

I had a slight preference for a boy for my first. She was still born at term. I was then desperate to have a little girl next as I wanted to use all the beautiful girl clothes I had. So I assumed the next baby would be a boy. No. Girl. BY the time I got to third baby I thought I obviously only made girls- so it’d be a girl! No. Boy. Was delighted but shocked. I wasn’t bothered either way with number 4. I guessed boy- my mum told be girl. She’s a girl!

I had strong preference for girls mainly because boys seem so boisterous and high energy. The huge majority of them also have interests that don't align with mine and a gaggle of boys at parties or soft play just seem like mayhem. I'm a cliche SMOG

I didn't have a preference for one particular sex per se, but I did have a preference for a one of each, pigeon pair.

I wanted to experience both, and I have a younger brother I've always been close to.

I had a girl then a boy so I felt very lucky. But to be fair I would have loved my children whoever they had turned out to be.

I wanted a girl and I was upset when I found out that I was having a boy but I love him so much and wouldn’t change anything about him!! I don’t want to find out the gender next time. I know that I will love my child no matter what gender they are and the only difference is the clothes, names and the body parts really 🤷‍♀️ There’s boys and girls in all of my child’s toddler classes/activities and he has trucks, cars, balls, a doll, a toy kitchen ect. so it doesn’t really make a difference in reality 🤷‍♀️

Originally I wanted a girl. I wanted to do the whole feminist encourage her to smash the patriarchy etc. Girl clothes are cuter. I'm a girl, so I know more about life as a girl, puberty etc. Our child is a boy and I was a little disappointed but quickly got over it. I can still raise a boy who makes the world a more equal place.

We found out his gender around the time a high profile murder was in the papers and I think I had a stronger reaction than usual because of hormones and it completely killed my desire for a girl.

For baby 2, I have a very mild preference for another boy just for convenience and because generally I find most same gender siblings are closer. And again, plenty of things suck about being female. But I can also see how a girl would be nice for all the reasons I previously thought.

I don’t know if I’d have called it a preference as honestly we’d been trying for so long, a child at the end of the pregnancy was my only desperate want, but if someone had made me absolutely choose, I’d have chosen to have a boy. No idea why really, just always saw myself with a son. I did have a boy and he’s every bit as fantastic as I knew he would be… but then, so would a daughter have been.

First time round I desperately wanted a boy, and was lucky enough to get one 😊 second time I wasn't particularly fussed and had another boy. Third time I was hoping for a girl and again was lucky! I think it's very normal to have preferences and to want at least one of each.

I have a girl and when I found out I was pregnant again I wanted another girl (and I'm having one!)

I would've been totally over the moon either way as long as the baby was healthy and I wouldn't have been disappointed with a boy at, I just wanted DD to have a sister and I think it's only because I always wanted a sister.

I know it doesn't necessarily mean they'll get on or be interested in the same things

So funny, as a life long feminist I wanted boys because the world needs better men! I hoped to raise a boy that could change things from the "inside" so to speak. I have two little boys, and that remains to be seen so far 😆

"Hoped to have boys" that should say. I would have been happy with a girl of course! But the feminist side of me hoped to raise good men.

RaRaRamen, that’s laudable, good for you - we definitely need an improved version of future men! I just feared that I would crush a son’s spirit by overreacting to boyish behaviour, in my loathing of toxic masculinity.

I genuinely had no preference whatsoever, made finding out the genders both times very anticlimactic!
I therefore personally don't understand the gender preference thing, however I strongly believe that if you have any preference whatsoever, please do not do a gender reveal party or something like that because there is going to be a 50% chance that you won't get what you want and those videos will be out there forever for your child to see! I'm sick of seeing videos of people be upset or angry that they've got a particular gender and feel for their child who will see that one day!

I genuinely had no idea that there are videos of people being upset or angry because they thought they were having a boy/girl.

But I do know some have had prenatal anxiety and felt like they really wanted to have a girl or a boy because they wanted their child to have someone to play with and that they were close to their brother/sister. I’ve also seen some who had a preference simply because their families are full of boys and therefore they know how to deal with boys and vice versa.

I’ve personally witnessed a few people whilst I was a child and even as an adult, getting distressed because they only have one girl and 3 boys and just want one more girl.

I am not sure how a gender reveal party that turns out to be incorrect would be psychologically scarring unless in the video the parents or partygoers are stating their disdain of there being a baby boy and being so pleased that it’s a baby girl or vice versa. I’ve known some friends who their parents thought they’d be a boy but turned out to be a girl, they found the incorrect gender reveal parties amusing. But I’m happy to be corrected. Just don’t see why it would be such a big deal. I even know if some who still used some of the clothes and donated the rest because they didn’t want to buy more clothes straightaway.

I wouldn’t have said I had a preference as such but I’m glad we did find out. I was so convinced we were having a boy that I’d have been a bit thrown to find out she was a girl at birth!

DC1 - I didn't mind and DH wanted a girl. It was a boy.
DC2 - I wanted a girl and DH wanted a boy. It was a girl.
DC3 - DH and I didn't mind but my mum wanted a boy! It was a boy.

With this one, no. As he was my first, and my 'ideal' is one of each. So, slight preference with the next one, but won't be disappointed if it's the same again.

First time around I didn’t really mind but I’d always wanted a daughter so I was very pleased that I got one. Second time I genuinely didn’t mind. A girl would have been a sister close in age for DD and a boy would mean we got the experience of parenting both sexes. We had a DS.

I wanted a boy after having a poor relationship with my Mum during my teens. I was convinced I was having a boy during my pregnancy and was in shock after my scan, i mourned a bit too.

Fast forward 16yrs and I have a great relationship to my 2 DDs, so all a bit misguided really.

I can say hand on heart I had absolutely no preference whatsoever. I was terrified of being pregnant and terrified of labour and never really though beyond that.

I have a boy. He is wonderful and the light of my life.

My first I wanted a girl. Just in case she was an only.
My second I wanted a boy.
My third I wanted a girl slightly over a boy only because my DD is SO much easier than her brother. He is a he and is also easier than his brother.

I think if you have a preference for one sex over another then you shouldn’t yet be trying to have a baby. First work on whatever stereotypes or worries you have. I don’t mean this flippantly but if you want a particular sex and there is an equal chance of not getting that, then that’s something to work on first.