Mum dating a sex offender

[diegoyeah]

I was informed a while ago by social services that the mother of my children (boys 4 and 7) is dating a guy who had admitted to accessing indecent images of children. She then separated from this guy, and I thought all was OK.

My eldest son told me he had been in contact with this guy via a video call ( I'm sure it was just an innocent hello). And so I discovered the relationship had restarted.
I then contacted social services because I wasn't happy with the undue risk.. in response, they informed me that the guy had just been given a 2 year suspended sentence, and they had agreed the recommendation would be for there to be no contact between him and the children.. when i got the closing report, it said parole and MOSOVO classified him as high risk for 13 years of accessing class A child pornography (under 12 involving penetrative sex). Yet social services have put no safeguarding measures in themselves. The mother lied to social services and said my son hadn't spoken to him in a video call, but she told me it did happen under different circumstances than the child described. She has stayed in the relationship and tries to downplay.his crimes.by calling it "image abuse".

It only advice I have had from social services is that I had the right to proactively exercise my parental rights.. but obviously this has its own negative effects..
Any advice?

And you think it's better for him to commit offences in his new 'girlfriend's' house than online?

It is always a bad thing for a paedophile to spend their time with a parent of children.

As someone who has been through this from the fathers perspective, I completely see where OP is coming from. In my experience, Social services tend to side with the mother, in addition to the courts also doing so. Issues and words are usually twisted against the father (in my experience). OP demonstrated this when he mentioned minor issues about him have been flagged but issues with the mother have been brushed under the carpet. Exactly the same happened with my husband. In the end, husband spent £13k to be told he was the abuser (despite evidence to the contrary) and almost ended up with supervised visits based upon a biased and flawed psychological report.

Having been through the system, I completely understand OPs reticence.

I meant to add that my husband was also seeking full custody based on concerning behaviour from his sons father, which was admitted to but it still backfired on my husband.

@User200098573828604837365 I have reported your comment as it is bloody dangerous and should be deleted. Children and woman should not be used to rehabilitate and stop sexual offences!! Fucks sake.

Some of these responses make me rage with anger 🤬.

???

Your husband was seeking custody of a child he was not the biological parent of, from the child's father?

Genuinely baffled, as I don't see how this is 'evidence' of courts favouring mothers - unless there's a giant typo in your comment.

In my experience, Social services tend to side with the mother, in addition to the courts also doing so. Issues and words are usually twisted against the father (in my experience).

ah the old chestnut of the court “twisting my words”

my spidey senses tell me the courts made the right decision

The victims in the child sexual abuse images he viewed are real. He has helped to create those victims by choosing to be part of the market for the images of them being raped and abused. That makes him an abuser and a serious one.

The children of his girlfriend are real. It is highly likely that he is already abusing them in his head and it is highly possible that he will go on to abuse them in person.

You are seriously minimising the situation, as if it is some kind of healthy diversion and re-education programme he is innocently undertaking. Are you really that naïve?

Oh this poster keeps on giving

based upon a biased and flawed psychological report.

so courts twisted words and psychologists didn’t know how to do their job

😂

@Thoughtful2355
I am so sorry to read how damaging this has been for you, to the point of attempting suicide. I have been in a similar place mentally, also because of despicable crimes against a child. Some things you can never recover properly from, but I hope you are coping and managing better.

In the end, husband spent £13k to be told he was the abuser

and you’re married to him

You haven't viewed the documents so can't say that.

I didn't say the courts manipulated things, I'm saying the psychological evaluation was manipulated, things left out and things added that weren't correct. I can't get into details but as a law student myself who has nearly graduated, I can say categorically that the system is screwed and a lot of lies are told.

I hope you read this and stop minimising / sharing such poor advice on here @Bumdealoftheweek

Some of the stuff you've said has been genuinely dangerous as it would be music to the ears of a sex offender looking to groom mums in order to gain access to children in real life.

Yes because I know it's not true. However I know the mother is an abuser because I have seen it with my own eyes and she has admitted it in court documents.

The courts didn't twist words, they work off these reports. And not all professionals are honest.

So she admitted being the abuser

her partner admitted being an abuser

and yet still your husband lost his case and he was deemed the abuser

interesting

User was quoting Bumdealoftheweek

Yes because social services didn't deem it to be serious enough. Then they felt husband was being malicious which wasn't the case.

Either way - your husband lost despite mother and partner supposedly admitting being abusive

so the courts must have concluded that even that was better than your husband

@SmallFerret No, he is the biological father and it was the stepfather behaving inappropriately around his son.

So psychological report was wrong

and SS were also wrong

again, interesting

were you around at the time or hearing this all from him retrospectively?

So sorry you're going through this.

As a normal decent human being, the thought of being anywhere near a paedophile let alone in a relationship with one makes me feel sick to the core.

I agree with PP's, keep them with you and seek full custody asap. Your children deserve to be safe and it sounds like you're the only person who can do that right now.

monsteramunch I'm not trying to minimise it at all and absolutely the OP should do all they can to safeguard their children. Maybe my post was badly worded but what I'm trying to convey is that the volume of sex offenders amongst us huge and it is better that that person is visible and that those around them are aware of the risk and can help put those safeguards in place rather than them being hidden in the dark corners of society.