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Original poster

Mum dating a sex offender

332 replies

diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 08:25

I was informed a while ago by social services that the mother of my children (boys 4 and 7) is dating a guy who had admitted to accessing indecent images of children. She then separated from this guy, and I thought all was OK.

My eldest son told me he had been in contact with this guy via a video call ( I'm sure it was just an innocent hello). And so I discovered the relationship had restarted.
I then contacted social services because I wasn't happy with the undue risk.. in response, they informed me that the guy had just been given a 2 year suspended sentence, and they had agreed the recommendation would be for there to be no contact between him and the children.. when i got the closing report, it said parole and MOSOVO classified him as high risk for 13 years of accessing class A child pornography (under 12 involving penetrative sex). Yet social services have put no safeguarding measures in themselves. The mother lied to social services and said my son hadn't spoken to him in a video call, but she told me it did happen under different circumstances than the child described. She has stayed in the relationship and tries to downplay.his crimes.by calling it "image abuse".

It only advice I have had from social services is that I had the right to proactively exercise my parental rights.. but obviously this has its own negative effects..
Any advice?

OP posts:
Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:31

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:27

Ok crack on with your biased viewpoint based upon knowing nothing about the case or people involved.

Have a lovely day.

Show quote history

What I do know is that the court, psychologist and SS had a rather dim view of your husband.

and you, his wife, disagree!

monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 16:32

Yet social services have put no safeguarding measures in themselves. The mother lied to social services and said my son hadn't spoken to him in a video call, but she told me it did happen under different circumstances than the child described. She has stayed in the relationship and tries to downplay.his crimes.by calling it "image abuse".

Also, try to have these conversations in a way that has a paper trail.

Do you have a text message / email with her admitting a video call involving your son and this sex offender did in fact happen, even if she described different circumstances to those your son did?

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:32

@Bamboozleme I would kindly draw your attention back to the Ops problem.

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:34

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:32

@Bamboozleme I would kindly draw your attention back to the Ops problem.

I think that’s being covered sufficiently by some very good posters upthread

it is the case of your husband that you posted on this thread about - that intrigued me. And also relieved me to some extent.

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:36

@Bamboozleme I shared my experience for the OP.

I am not interested in an argument nor interested in your opinion on the matter.

We will agree to disagree so let's leave it there please.

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:40

Yes and then you said you wouldn’t be responding but persisted

i responded to a lengthy post on this thread by yourself.

alarming to read someone list the courts, court appointed psychologist and SS as supposedly being wrong and flawed.

But… it seems like these professionals came together and did their job. The fact his wife disagrees, thankfully wasn’t taken in to account.

monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 16:41

@BSB30 @Bamboozleme

This thread has been almost entirely derailed now. Maybe time to properly agree to disagree and disengage with one another?

RelentlessMother · 30/04/2023 16:42

Maybe I’m off here… maybe it’s because I am a caring mother, but OP does not need help, if I was him I’d not need a bunch of strangers to tell me to protect my kids. you’re a parent OP act like one (a decent one, in this case)

Sorry, not sorry.

Where are your kids while you’re writing/replying on this never ending thread?

It’s pretty clear what you need to do.

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:42

monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 16:41

@BSB30 @Bamboozleme

This thread has been almost entirely derailed now. Maybe time to properly agree to disagree and disengage with one another?

Nothing to agree to disagree about

i agree with the courts, psychologist and Social Services

but you are right.

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:43

RelentlessMother · 30/04/2023 16:42

Maybe I’m off here… maybe it’s because I am a caring mother, but OP does not need help, if I was him I’d not need a bunch of strangers to tell me to protect my kids. you’re a parent OP act like one (a decent one, in this case)

Sorry, not sorry.

Where are your kids while you’re writing/replying on this never ending thread?

It’s pretty clear what you need to do.

This.

Original poster
diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 16:43

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:36

@Bamboozleme I shared my experience for the OP.

I am not interested in an argument nor interested in your opinion on the matter.

We will agree to disagree so let's leave it there please.

Thank you again for sharing, and I am sorry for the situation your family has had.

sorry you are bing trolled

OP posts:
BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:45

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:40

Yes and then you said you wouldn’t be responding but persisted

i responded to a lengthy post on this thread by yourself.

alarming to read someone list the courts, court appointed psychologist and SS as supposedly being wrong and flawed.

But… it seems like these professionals came together and did their job. The fact his wife disagrees, thankfully wasn’t taken in to account.

My final comment on the matter will be that I've seen what the family court system does to people as I have been involved in it through a variety of situations. I have also been involved with law for nearly a decade and have witnessed what happens in legal system and how a lot of the times, it is not just.

You clearly want an argument but I'm not going to facilitate that. You have a bee in your bonnet about something and can't comprehend the possibility that someone can get screwed over in the family court system because their face doesn't fit or because they may present information that is different from the 'norm'. As OP said, professionals can be easily manipulated (as can anyone), they are not infallible. The ex is very good at playing the victim card which everyone seems to believe and competent dismisses that my husband was and continued to be a victim of domestic violence. But I guess in your opinion, that's not possible because he's a man.

I will leave it there. Please don't respond to me again.

Original poster
diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 16:49

monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 16:32

Yet social services have put no safeguarding measures in themselves. The mother lied to social services and said my son hadn't spoken to him in a video call, but she told me it did happen under different circumstances than the child described. She has stayed in the relationship and tries to downplay.his crimes.by calling it "image abuse".

Also, try to have these conversations in a way that has a paper trail.

Do you have a text message / email with her admitting a video call involving your son and this sex offender did in fact happen, even if she described different circumstances to those your son did?

I think it was a whatsapp message, so yes it is still on my phone

OP posts:
Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:49

My final word is
when it comes to an anonymous chat forum and the wife of a man who has been deemed abusive and malicious by the courts, psychologist and SS

i am going to be understandably skeptical and put my faith in the the professionals

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:51

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:49

My final word is
when it comes to an anonymous chat forum and the wife of a man who has been deemed abusive and malicious by the courts, psychologist and SS

i am going to be understandably skeptical and put my faith in the the professionals

Okey doke

monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 16:52

I think it was a whatsapp message, so yes it is still on my phone

Ok so have you called the police back to say you now have in writing that she did facilitate a video call and that she lied when she told them she hadn't? You need to be proactive and persistent.

monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 16:52

This might have got lost in the derailing OP so I'm reposting here:

Have you contacted their school about this OP? Tell them the facts that SS told you and that you're concerned as she has facilitated contact between this sex offender and your son via a video call. Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead about this.

You need to do this to have a paper trail showing that you've taken all steps possible to kick in as many safeguarding processes as possible.

Ditto if they attend any after school clubs, which should also have safeguarding procedures in place.

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:52

The upside is… this exchange has left me with hope in the process!

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:55

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:52

The upside is… this exchange has left me with hope in the process!

🙄

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 16:56

monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 16:52

I think it was a whatsapp message, so yes it is still on my phone

Ok so have you called the police back to say you now have in writing that she did facilitate a video call and that she lied when she told them she hadn't? You need to be proactive and persistent.

Completely agree with this. If you have it on a WhatsApp message then that is solid evidence that contact is still taking place. I would take it to the police. Have you showed social services the message?

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 16:59

monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 16:52

This might have got lost in the derailing OP so I'm reposting here:

Have you contacted their school about this OP? Tell them the facts that SS told you and that you're concerned as she has facilitated contact between this sex offender and your son via a video call. Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead about this.

You need to do this to have a paper trail showing that you've taken all steps possible to kick in as many safeguarding processes as possible.

Ditto if they attend any after school clubs, which should also have safeguarding procedures in place.

Yes.. I was in contact with the school before social services contacted them.. .. and explained my concern. But I need to update them when they are open regarding the sentence.

I included the information about the proof the story she told social and me being different in an stage one complaint about social services in-action etc

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 30/04/2023 17:03

Keep on top of informing the school of any developments OP. And as I say, any after schools clubs or similar too. Anywhere there might be a safeguarding lead or safeguarding process, you need to inform about the situation.

BSB30 · 30/04/2023 17:09

@diegoyeah Have Social replied to the stage 1 complaint? If you aren't happy with their response, you can escalate to stage 2 where an independent social worker will review it.

Original poster
diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 17:38

Sadly been through this before, so its going though the motions and not expecting a good
Response

OP posts:
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