Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

Then just encourage them to play outside, take the tablets off them.and don't feed them Macdonalds 🤷‍♀️

Expectations V reality. Don’t be hard on yourself. We all have our ideals that get scuppered and it’s all a matter of balance.

What is stopping you from parenting in the “wholesome” way?

I was determined mine would have a wholesome childhood and they did. No screens (they are older tbf so much easier as ipads weren't a thing), loads of time outside,.lots of cheap days out,.lots of crafts and not much tv. We live in the countryside so they had animals around all the time. I was a SAHM for a few years. No idea if it's made them happier now they are teens and young adults but we have loads of happy memories and they were easy kids.

YES I feel like this too, OP.

I wish I had a country house with a small holding and that my kids could have had a childhood of adventures in the woods and collecting eggs and building dens.

But I live in a 2 bed flat in the ‘burbs and my DC are now 11 and 14. Still glued to their screens and if I ever say “What shall we have for tea?” they want MacDonalds, local takeaway pizza or Tim Hortons! (barely ever get them)

I think I’ve forgiven myself for not providing the wholesome childhood I wanted to. At least my 11 yo still wants me to read to them at bedtime every night. And my 14yo talks to me about everything that’s on her mind.

Its the relationships you make with them and the guidance you give for life that matter in the end.

@7Worfs a mixture of

convenience (eg if we’re in town longer than expected and kids need lunch McDonald’s is cheap and easy and I know they’ll eat it vs other options that are more expensive and/or less likely to eat)

a bit of tiredness/laziness on my part (eg youngest is napping and eldest badgers me for the iPad, I need to get some jobs done so it’s easier in the moment to just say yes)

and then just their personalities (DH and I are both very outdoorsy, but neither child seems to enjoy being outdoors at all really).

Too many cars, too many arrogant tosser drivers so they can't play out

@Tusktusk yes! This is exactly what I mean. I sometimes wonder if living rurally would help fix it but I’m not sure. They do at least both love books but wish DM and DMIL would stop buying them Peppa/Bing/Frozen/Disney books because they always end up being the favourites

I think it would be exhausting to be wholesome all the time. If we have a day out then I think the next day just lazing around with screens is okay, it's a balance.

My dc get sent to very wholesome outdoorsy holiday clubs, sometimes against their will, then they are tired, I am tired from work and we can all collapse together!

At 2 and 4 though I do think it's easier to go out, we would walk into town for a Subway a lot at that age. House stays tidier for a start if you're not in it.

I'm sure they'll be fine but yes it's hard work not to cave into macdonalds or phones/ipads. Its possible though.

My parents were abusive alcoholics so it was very important to me to be a present, healthy parent.

Mine did have a " wholesome" childhood. A while back so no screens except day time TV. We lived by the coast then and they spent all Summer on the beach. Always outside. The works. When my ds became a teen he went through a very wild stage from 14 to 17 and absolutely shattered me. I'm afraid the wholesome childhood didn't solve all problems!! You're doing your best. They are young still and Summer is best time for outdoor play.

Be kind to yourself. Just try and get out more in the fresh air and slowly wean off the junk.

My son doesn't miss what he's never had (ipad, Mcdonalds) but he watches plenty of TV & eats the usual picky toddler diet. Just dreading when he starts school will he be affected by peer pressure?!

At 2 and 4 they don't need a tablet and if they are preferring TV to playing outside that would be gone too. Do they play outside everyday? I'd make that their normal. Forests, garden, parks, walks, NT places, get them out in nature everyday.

At 2 and 4 it's not good that they don't want to/ know how to play outside and want their screens. If that's what you want, make it a priority and get them outside.

@Coffeecoffeeinmytummy

I wouldn’t overly think it. We have in laws who did the bike rides, the bedtime stories, the cosy Sunday lunches with every single veg you could think of, their own chickens, eggs, dogs, country holidays, skiing and god knows what else. Reality is they fucking hate each other and are apparently just doing it all for the kids. Fast forward to 10-15 years one of the teens has severe mental illness and struggles to come out of his room, one is now addicted to weed (never saw that one coming) and the other one left home very quickly and apparently never visits and just stays at away as much as possible. Oh, and they’re still together. Just as miserable. Never understood it.

This. My DC love nothing better than being outdoors. We purposefully chose our house based on location that would enable our children to play out safely. They spend the majority of their time outdoors in all weathers. if you start getting them outside more it’ll become normal to them as they’re still so young. Do you have a garden they can play in?

They love pizzas, hotdogs & chips. They watch the odd film. There’s no problem with balance.

Well that’s an extreme example 😂 not every parent who cooks veg and rides a bike feels this way and I think most children get a bedtime story!

Ah yes, I too balance two young ones and sometimes have to make decisions I’m not happy with, just to buy time…

I think it’s about balance. TV for 30mins before nursery and after dinner, fine. But on a weekend in good weather, go for “wholesome” stuff - swimming, picnic in the park, pick-your-own fruit at a farm or a farmers market, or just gardening. Let them “help” even if it makes everything 100% more difficult.

Always carry snacks so you don’t have to buy crap outside - a box with a few types of fruit, some Babybel, etc

At 2 and 4 I think you can gradually phase out the “un-wholesome” stuff by redirecting, distracting and rebranding foods, activities etc.

Yeah we had a life like this. Kids are now aged from 17 - 24 and all happy and healthy and we all still get on well. Obviously something else going on with your ILs.

Also, there's nothing wrong with screens, there's nothing wrong with McDonald's. It's all about balance and you sound like you are feeling like the balance is wrong and it would do you all good to address that.

If you and dh are outdoorsy why do you think the kids don't like it? Do they like the beach, the park, the forest? NT playgrounds, flying kites, camping?

Kids on tablets all the time at 2 and 4 is a bit shit, or is that normal?

I agree. It sounds very similar to my childhood, which I loved, and I’ve tried very hard to recreate it for my own children.
Lots couples don’t like each other. Doubt it has much to do with what you put on your Sunday lunch.

Just set strict limits on screen time or take the tablets away - they could watch tv for the amount of time you need to do your jobs. It will be hard for a few weeks then they will get used to it and find other entertainment. They are not old enough to self regulate, youtube is designed to be addictive, so of course if their tablets are available at all times that's all that they will want.

Just have a couple of wholesome weeks at a cottage in Wales or somewhere over the summer.

If it becomes a tradition they'll have fond memories of it looking back, with no iPads etc for that fortnight. Just countryside and nature and bike riding and walks.

They probably won't remember just the boring day to day stuff.

both i think

In isolation Maccys and screens aren't dangerous it's the fact that they are deliberately designed to be highly addictive. And in high quantities they are statistically linked to poorer physical and mental health outcomes.