Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

Not really, I think we have a good balance of it all. My kids had 1.5 films today but they were stuck in the car after a trip away where they spent loads of time on the beach.

Mine are a very similar age to yours. I find it's definitely about consistency. I use the rule of no TV in the week, although my 5 year old still asks every day 😩 but more half heartedly because he knows the answer is no.
Redirect - "not today, but how about these stickers?? Let's do these together!"

Instead of hiding the character books, how about they pick a story at storytime, then you have a turn to pick one, so effectively everyone picks a book. They learn turn taking and they're listening to the kind of stories that you would like them to have?

I wouldn't have.

Sounds like you’re putting together a plan. I’d say don’t be afraid to stick to your values. If you don’t like them being exposed to adverts, you can limit screen time to platforms without them. I had no shame in hiding the frozen books after they’d been read a couple of times! But yes, it is a slog and to some extent you do have to battle with kids over these things. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong, actually it means you’re being the adult.

Its not easy to guide the children without the screens and all other stuff that is pushed onto people.

I think it’s two things

don’t try to be perfect - some screens and fast food is fine

do be arsed. If you want to cook / make dens / go on nature walks with them you have to.. do it. They won’t like everything, but you’ll find the things that work.

It’s going to be a lot easier to set your boundaries now. So what ever is messing with your energy levels try and fix it (eg more help from partner). It’s always harder to say no, but these things are addictive so you have to work hard on good habits

My DD was a 7 & unless it’s hammering it down, we go out. There’s a wooded area right opposite with trees to climb & a rope swing. Plus we need to walk our dog.

Sunday I stand for 4 hours on the park where she meets her friends to play.

its hard work, I don’t want to stand up/walk /climb trees for hours on end when at my age but she sleeps so much better!

She has screen time & tv which at the min, I don’t limit but she’s not that interested. I’m not against it at all as long as it’s balanced with other stuff.

I don't understand what is stopping you?
(I'll probably be accused of being smug but I'm far from it) but I wanted to give my dc that kind of childhood and I did whilst living in Greater London.
At 2 and 4, they're living the life you've set up for them.
If you want to change it then do. Take them out more. They may complain about going out but they'll be fine once they're out.
Give them chopped fruit instead of crap or bake cakes and biscuits with them.
Give them things to do instead of putting tv on constantly. I found if you start playing with them, you can go off and they'll carry on.
When they watch tv, put wildlife documentaries on to get them interested in the world outside. Get books about animals and nature from the library.
Get them to plant some things in the garden. Take them to choose seeds, get some little gardening tools and get them planting stuff.
Buy kites, balls and frisbees. When the weather is better, take picnics or pick up a pizza and eat it outside somewhere nice and have a play with a ball or frisbee with them.
Find places this year to take dc to pick strawberries (at a cost) and blackberries (free) maybe even apples. Bake something with them.
Go for walks and point things out to them. Let them pick up stones and twigs and ask them to build a little house for a woodland animal.
Its almost completely up to parents when the children are that young. The parents are the ones in charge.

Don’t feel bad. It’s easy to get into these habits and doing “wholesome” things as described has to be an active choice for some people. It’s easy to go for the low energy option but the more you do these things, the more everyone will look forward to them and feel excited.

Could you bring food with you more often? We can’t eat out much because of dietary restrictions so we have to bring food everywhere. It was tedious at first but it feels so nice in the summer months. If you have a picnic set it makes it that much easier.

This. It is your choice how you parent.

Just repeating the advice on here

Pack food before you go out or let them help you make it

Tv can go on but control what they watch. As pp have said nature progs, adventure, educational etc

Encourage play, inside and out. They could be best friends and their imaginations could explode.Encourage them to help you.

Restrict electronic devices

Get a pony 😅My daughter has no choice but spend all her free time outside in any weather as ponies still have to be ridden and taken care of. We live in London, so not a country idyll, but there are many livery yards even in London

Have a look and see if there are any forest nurseries or (when older) holiday camps near you. Then you can pay someone else to do all of this shit with your kids and, absolved of guilt, pour yourself a nice glass of wine 🍷.

Remove the iPads today. Sell them. They are as addictive as crack cocaine.
As for the food, until they are at the age that they are paying for it, you decide what goes into their gobs. So just don't buy crap. Don't eat? Fine,go hungry. Involve the 4 year old in meal planning, offering healthy options. Even in simple food prep.

You can't live outside the society you grow up in

This is the crux of it. I think there are two separate things going on here OP; you are regretting the fact that your children’s upbringing isn’t currently as ‘wholesome’ as you’d like it to be (although from what you’ve written it sounds like you’re essentially muddling along fine, and the fact that you’re alert to things that could be improved means you’re already halfway there). But you’re also recognising on some level that the society your children are growing up with is very much not conducive to living a wholesome lifestyle in the first place.

This often gets to me too; I’m currently a SAHM with just the one relatively easy 5-year-old DD. I’m a former teacher who has studied child development at postgrad level and has a husband whose salary allows me to spend plenty of quality time with DD. It is still bloody hard at times to sustain what could even vaguely be termed a ‘wholesome’ lifestyle, and it feels like you’re constantly swimming against the tide of our hyper-capitalist, consumerist, obesogenic environment.

Case in point - I took DD to her swimming lesson at the insanely expensive private gym that we pay for because the local council pools have mostly closed down or, post-covid, have waiting lists of upwards of six months for kids’ lessons - we know that swimming is an important life skill and want to give DD the same opportunity we had to become a competent swimmer. The gym has installed iPads in the cafe/soft play area, and every week we were fighting the same battle with DD over her desire to use the iPads vs play with her ‘swimming friends’ in the soft play. We’ve told her that we’ll just go home after swimming if she sits on the iPad the whole time, and she now gets this and has stopped asking to use them. Trouble is, all of her friends are obsessed with the iPads too, so DD often has no one to play with because they’re all too busy doing that rather than wanting to play. It’s quite sad every week to see a row of silent kids staring at screens next to the empty soft play.

DD has never eaten a McDonald’s, but still recognises the logo and merrily points it out wherever we go because her school’s bright idea during ‘healthy schools week’ was for the whole class to construct their own McDonald’s-themed role play area (I still have no idea what the thinking behind this was!)

We’re doing an OK job of it all I think, but I still often feel like I’m failing because resisting the combined forces of consumer capitalist society, pester power and mainstream opinion (most of my friends tend to just take the path of least resistance) is frankly exhausting. But as PPs have said it’s always about balance, and the perfect is the enemy of the good, so all we can do is just keep ploughing on!

I don’t think we can ever make our children have a childhood that is very far from our own character and preferences. You can pretend to like “wholesome” things but what’s the point of hiding your real self from your kids? If you liked knitting your own lentils in the forest you’d already be doing it, it wouldn’t be something you’d have to force yourself to do.
You can say no to peppa pig on TV when they ask. I wouldn’t take a book a child likes away from them.
I do think there’s an inherent wholesomeness in children that it’s hard to spoil so if you make a place in the daily routine for screens and stick to a firm no the rest of the time you can often take their lead.

Aah come on. The mums of Mumsnet like to say their kids are raised in a wholesome way but the vast majority of the population raise their kids just like you, or somewhere in between.
Summer's coming and you will get out there more. Don't feel guilty.

I have a pretty outdoorsy life with my 2&4.

Things which help:
We go outside every day, no matter the weather. Usually twice. They have decent Outdoor gear to make this not uncomfortable.

We take regular breaks from screen time, like a week or so if 8ts been getting too much. They don't have an ipad.

We do lots of different Outdoor things. So allotment, playing in the garden, different walks around our local area, foraging trips, beach, farm etc etc.

I really like activities with a point like, digging Dino footprints at the beach, sowing seeds, finding interesting leaves to make collage with later on.

Sometimes they complain! We go out anyway.

Sorry if this is not helpful and just makes me sound like an insufferable wanker. I actually really struggle with them indoors and find them much better behaved in the fresh air!

So, my kids were raised the 'wholesome way'. Screens just weren't as available. It was the days of the family computer where everyone gets a set timed turn. They watched some TV. It was a choice and we had a great time. Lots of outdoors, doing arts and crafts, building things, etc. They were the best days of my life. Let me tell you how that works out:

They grow into mid-late teens and have the same awful diet as every other teen by their choice. Screen time increases because it's so much part of the social and academic world now. I don't think it results in better or worse outcomes in any area than any other kid, but they do speak very positively of their childhood.

If you want things to be different, make them different. How do you want them to be different? More outdoor time? Tell the kids to get their shoes, you're going for a walk.

Few practical ideas too (although mostly already mentioned by pps):

— Getting into a regular library routine is a good call
— Basic, fun cooking - we’ve made chocolate egg nests for Easter, fruit kebabs and bubble tea recently. Get a dedicated kids’ cookbook (the Gruffalo one is good - we make the flapjack recipe for DD’s packed lunches)
— We also have the Gruffalo nature spotter’s guide, which is good for getting outdoors and providing more of a ‘point’ to a park trip/walk. DD enjoys looking for the different flowers etc and awarding herself stickers for finding them. We also have the ‘Picture This’ phone app, which is great for identifying different plants.
— Develop a Baker Ross habit! We do seasonal decorations (chicks/rabbit for Easter; summer flowers and butterflies; autumn leaves) and put them in our front windows.
— Screen time isn’t intrinsically bad; for me it’s more about the content of what you’re watching. Things like ‘Maddie’s Do You Know?’ on CBeebies are fab, and DD has been enjoying our weekly ‘Movie Club’, where we’ve watched a different film together each week. I think it’s only really the quick-fire, frenetic, constantly rolling content on YouTube etc that can be harmful.

Do you ever just sweep them up and take them out, to the woods, park, local pond? If they have not alternative and have screens that's what they will turn too

If you want to be crunchy just be crunchy. It's your life

If you are having a hard time saying no to a 2 and 4 year old about screens, food, activities, whatever, I can tell you right now it will be a lot harder when they are teenagers. You need to set boundaries and expectations right now because if you don't, you will have an awful time in the teenage years.

I remember my DC who was in about year 1 coming home and being confused as to how the other kids had gotten toys from old MacDonald...took me ages to realise the toys were from McDonald's 😂 but DC had never been there or had tablet/devices so only knew old MacDonald from nursery rhymes and thought that was who the other kids were talking about.

Yep - it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

we have no hard and fast rules around screens, but mine are too busy during the week to even ask for it. If they do, I generally say ‘ok but after xyz’ or ‘ok until xyz’. Half the time they forget about screens having introduced something more entertaining. There is also an element of earning it - on weekends they can only have screen time once they have tidied rooms / playroom. Holidays are the only difficult time - I have one really ill at the moment, so between forced confinement, bad weather and school holidays/lack of childcare due to illness they are watching way more than I would normally be comfortable with, it it will be temporary. On average we are probably a couple hours total per week, which I am happy with.

food - McDonald’s will always be a hit. We probably go once every couple months as a treat when I really need a quick win logistically. No problem because 90% of the time it is a balanced meal with multiple fruit and veg options that they actually eat.

outdoor time - wait until summer. I often feel bad about this, but on a recent glorious day they all voluntarily wandered out and entertained themselves for hours. In theory I would like them out in all weather, but I can’t really blame them for preferring indoors in marginal weather . If they doing creative things indoors I don’t really mind.

Screen time and takeaways is just lazy parenting which I am also guilty of time to time. If your children prefer screen time to being outdoors that really is on you, children definitely prefer the outdoors so if now they want their screens that is learned behaviour. McDonalds once a month fine, weekly no. It is so unhealthy. Daily screen time for under 5s. I'm definitely judging here! I'd love to plonk mine in front of the screen too, but I don't.