Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

Mine had a pony from 18 months old , neither of them were interested past 7 yrs old and that means I’ve now been paying for said pony for the last 23 yrs as both her and my eldest are now 30 . Don’t get a pony !

Yes I feel like this.

We moved a bit further out to be semi rural. All it means is that there's sod all to do as I had to sell my car and as there's nowhere nice to walk to, we're just stuck in the house. We moved from being 10 mins walk from the woods and a playground on our road due to an awful neighbour and choose badly for our onward purchase just to get away.

My kids can't play outside because our neighbour fills our garden with noxious chimney smoke daily so it's rare they can go outside without choking. This means they're inside all day most days.

I work full time and my DP has 5 jobs ( 2 permanent & 3 as and when), the kids do 2 days a week at nursery. Realistically we do not have anywhere near enough time to give the kids a lovely wholesome upbringing. My 3yr old probably has too much screen time but is pretty happy playing invented games on her own. She didn't have any screen time until she was over 2 so I'm not that worried, however my 1yr old already loves the tv.

I'm also guilty of giving in to my DD requesting shit food (usually pizza) when I don't have the time or energy to argue with her. Luckily my 1yr old will eat anything put in front of him. Cooking for them is a PITA when we've been at work for 14hrs.

I had visions of rural walks and the kids being able to play in the garden a lot. I had a pony growing up and would love that for my DD, but realistically it's never going to happen. We have neither the time or money. Growing up we had no money but my mum didn't work so she had all the time in the world to do things with us.

I honestly can't see how I'll ever have the time to teach my kids how to read and write as we're so busy, let alone manage 'wholesome' upbringings.

Sounds like you need a bit of planning that would help with the junk food/ tablet use.
Taking food with you - mini packed tea for example when the likelihood is you're delayed and then don't have to go to McDonalds.
Also if you can limit screen time to non advert tv - Netflix for example or Amazon don't have adverts and the less they are subjected to all that tat the better. Or even go old school and put a dvd on. They are super cheap in charity shops and then you control what they can watch. I'd definitely stop you tube. They are 2 and 4, you can definitely make some small changes that will make a big difference. Get them involved in cooking / food prep, they love stuff like that, jigsaws and building blocks that you can do together and get outside as much as possible

Thanks for the other ideas. I definitely need to phase out the iPad for my eldest, she asks for it every time the youngest has a nap and when I say no she just follows me around whinging while I try to do my jobs. She has a yoto player so if she wants “content” she can use that. She doesn’t (yet) have any of the Disney/peppa cards for that which is good.

One saving grace is that I do work so they go to preschool (although they have iPads there 🙄) and a childminders and she is genuinely the most wholesome and creative person ever. Again though the eldest has tv for a bit while the younger ones nap. So she is definitely in that habit of having a screen after lunch. Maybe I just set a timer of 15 mins if I do choose to let her have telly.

I don’t let her use YouTube on the iPad but my mum lets her go on it when she’s at hers and my DH also puts stuff on YouTube for her on the tv (at least it’s supervised I suppose). We probably all need to be on the same page.

I fully admit I’m never going to be the lentil/knitting type, as I’m just not creative enough and I also struggle to find the energy because I’m tired from work (and from being up a lot at night with the youngest). However I really do want to give the kids a better childhood, I feel guilty that I’m not parenting how I’d like to.

Stopping screen time (iPad) for my 2yo was the best thing I ever did.

I don't feel like this because I deliberately didn't make the choices it sounds like you did. DD gets very limited screen time (maybe 1-2 hours a week of Daniel Tiger) and none at all until she was about 3.5. TV is in a room she doesn't go in to (4 floor house and it's all the way downstairs) so it's not something she thinks of very often. Food, we don't really have processed food in the house, don't puddings very often, don't go to McDonalds ever. I like cooking so we have maybe 1 meal out a week but rest is cooked at home. We also don't give in to whining, if she whines, 100% we won't give it to her.

I think you can reverse some of your choices but it would be hard and you'd have to hold the line for a while before habits to change. If you don't like cooking, that could be a big lifestyle change. You would need to get rid of the tablets, put them out of sight, move the TV to another room etc.

No idea if what we've chosen is better! We just picked what was important to us, if it's important to you to change, then you can, if not, your kids will be fine.

Yes, so we moved out of the city to a very small regional town with good transport links. Here they have the ocean, forest, and safe quiet streets, plus more space at home. Local community is strong. It was absolutely worth it. Of course we're lucky in that our work situations allowed for this, and we don't miss urban life at all.

Wholesome erm no its about parenting the right way if thats what you want. We have 4 and 3 under 2 if you let them they would stay on screens all day but nope we do picnics,walking,games,reading,painting,parks,beaches etc etc and funnily enough it's those days out they talk about never there screen times. And cooking put in effort simples. Mcdonalds is just a treat for ours now and then

I do cook for them. I just don’t really cook WITH them. As I said previously it’s not all McDonalds, we go a couple of times a month. I actually think I need to stop calling it a treat (same with chocolate) as it’s just hyping it up and making them want it more.

Look at your own screen time as well.

Your kids are safe and loved. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

It's a laudable aim to get them out for more walks, cook more with them and plan a few more "worthy" days out like scavenger hunts on the beach and woodland walks, but really there's a reason why places like bowling arcades, soft plays etc. are packed on wet weather days. "Wholesome" can be overrated.

You can't turn back time and neither can you clone yourself so there's enough of you to be the perfect parent and manage everything else you need to do.

Getting children to play independently takes a lot of initial effort but does eventually pay off. I tackle my house like my early years classroom! I've git rid of toys or put them away for a bit if they're not very open ended or don't encourage imaginative play. I never tell the children what to do but I might bring a box down from the attic and leave it somewhere for then to discover. 2 is a tricky age but by 4 I think you can start to expect periods of play that's self initiated. You just have to be committed to keeping things looking interesting for them. There's still tv time in our house and I do hear 'I'm bored' but kids do get the message that its not your job to provide the entertainment be that screens or otherwise.

You complain but this is all within your control. DS is 4.5 has never used a tablet/phone nor had a McDonald's. I don't see the issue with soft play on a rainy day, better than sitting in front of the TV, although we live near the beach and some lovely parks so now likely to go there unless the weather is really horrendous. We both work full time, there are still plenty of hours in a week. Cooking together needn't be a massive effort, get a recipe for a simple pizza base use home made pasta sauce on it (roast a load of veg and garlic, add passata near the end blitz and freeze in ice cube trays) then let them loose with toppings.
Whinging is never rewarded, I can't stand it. DS watches cbeebies for an hour or two over the week but only if he's behaving, asks nicely and we have time. He knows if he whinges it'll definitely be a no.
You'll find out harder now you've allowed it, than saying no in the first place but they're young enough that it's doable.

Yep; open fields, casual racism, overt sexism and lashings of ginger beer!

I can't believe those children have screens at the age of 2 and 4. That's way too young.

It doesn't seem like a wholesome living issue, it sounds like a boundaries and choices issue.

All the adults need to be on the same page as well. There's no point trying to limit screen time if one adult is giving the children whatever they want.

It takes time to build up independent play, especially for children who are used to a lot of screen time. We did something similar to Marleymoo42 by providing opportunities, we'd play with them to start and then step back, end the activity before they run out of steam so it's on our terms and they don't learn to whine. The length of time increases as they're older and more comfortable playing independently.

I know what you mean OP. I have all kinds of things I'd like to change but I really struggle with implementing new habits because I have ADHD. So they eat more sugar and convenience food than I would like, they watch more TV than I would like, we don't do as much at weekend as I would like and they eat in front of the TV.

What doesn't help is that DH seems to think endless screen time and sugar is a mark of love or something so I'm trying to fight against him all the time too.

I took them to the library yesterday after nursery and it was lovely, but by 3pm on the way back I was totally drained of all energy and patience and had no capacity for anything except bare minimum deal with life and death and annoyance.

2&4 is tricky, I think I would have some special things with small parts that come out only when the 2yo is napping. Maybe glitter and glue, sequins or small lego (all terrific for fine motor skills as well). Board games are also great for this age this sort of thing :
https://www.orchardtoys.com/dept/educational-toys-for-3-year-olds_d00125.htm?gclid=CjwKCAjwitShBhA6EiwAq3RqA4dF-BsZ_0Ja8ouEdOXrLLELai-V1LkMtW5yM6PrjB81oWAwSan_5RoCJtYQAvD_BwE

Ultimately you have 3 choices at nap time:

1. Give in and give her the I-PAD 2)) Play with her as above and accept your chores are unlikely to get done, although a load of washing could probably be put on/ hung out at that time
2. Endure the whinging

When I had 2 tinnies my chore time was first thing after breakfast as that was when they were most self contained.

Mine are teens now but I think they were brought up fairly wholesomely when they were young. Screen time was limited to 30 mins a day, an hour or 2 at weekends. MacDonalds was only when we were on holiday but they had the occasional bowl of chips in the local pub garden maybe 3/4 times a year and we'd have chips from the chippy once or twice a year. We only had chips while eating out, never at home to they really looked forward to it.

We would spend most of the summer outside at the park, or exploring the woods making camps and climbing trees. But I also reminded myself a lot of the 'kids need to be bored occasionally' adage, it definitely made them more independent.

I don't it's just that easy in the way society works these days, the pressures away from parenting, the way we parent largely on our own now.

Our 6 year old has only had the iPad when last year at school they had homework once a week which had to be completed on a tablet or computer. They watch an occasional YouTube video with me, once a week or two (something less than 20 minutes which is RL, not rubbish). TV, none some days, maybe an hour others. It's harder in winter when it's awful outside. They do not have their own access to any screen, they have to ask.

If I'm completely honest, DC coming into contact with children who have phones/tablets which they are addicted and attached to, fills me with dread. I don't want that life for them. You see adults who can't get off their phones and they never had them from near birth, imagine what the very young children of today will be like (facepalm).

Rubbish. It's easier and cheaper to put a sandwich in a bag than go to Macdonalds. It's easy and free to go for a walk.

Problem is the vast majority of young mums I see are on their phones constantly.

Yeah I have friends whose kids are addicted to screens. They whinge almost constantly and you can't talk to them about anything, they just look at you blankly before going back to tantruming about screens. It's really disconcerting.

Sorry, that's a complete load of bollocks. We parent on our own with no support from anyone yet don't rely on a tablet or phone for our six and two year olds... It can be done.

My 2 had screens (I-PAD and phone with no SIM) from 8, in an ideal world I would have waited longer, before that it C- beebies/CBBC for 20 minutes before school if ready and 20 minutes before supper if home work/ reading done none after supper in primary years.