Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

I feel the same! but don’t worry about McDonald’s here and there, focus on providing love, have consistent rules and being present for your kids. That’s wholesome and ultimately what they will remember fondly when older.

The screens can take over. We have a compromise - No TV Wednesdays plus other limits on screen time. On weekends I watch a family film in afternoon with them to show interest and talk about together.

At their age they won’t be ‘outdoorsy’ this comes by spending time outside. get them out when you garden. Give them old pans/pots and water and they will soon be messing around.

Hi @Coffeecoffeeinmytummy

It's a healthy balance between both,

Nothing stopping you from gradually reducing amount of times in a month or so you go to macdonads,

What about making healthier version of beef burgers 🍔 in your house, together as a family ,?
What about introducing vegan or vegetarian, from different cultues for e.g curries foods ect, sometimes or more often , so they have a more adventurous taste palate your children,

What about getting into a habit of every so often spending time in nature, and visting National Trust gardens, and botanical gardens ect
Visiting nature reserves,

Make it a habit every so often to vist explore our coastline ⛱️ beaches/ country places in uk obviously safety..
along as we have conducieve or warm weather ,
Plenty of places in UK worth exploring visting too,
Not just abroad

What about Air n b chalet or other type of holiday break accommodation to rent for a couple or few days then?
Somewhere countryside/coastal lines

Also purchasing a slow cooker family good sized one,
You can buy from charity shops sometimes , or elsewhere,
So you can cook all kinds of nutritional comforts foods in them,
Therefore have extra time for yourself and for children

I agree about balance. My 3.5 year old has never had a tablet but does watch telly, although mostly in the morning and a bit before tea. We've always taken him outside loads and he loves being out in all weathers. He's not really into crafts or baking (likes starting off but quickly loses interest) so we don't do too much of those, although I do keep trying to get him helping in the kitchen and he's getting a bit better. I wouldn't worry about the books being Disney/cbeebies based, if they enjoy them it's no harm, stories are stories! We've never taken D's to MacDonalds but mostly because our town doesn't have one and when we have been passed one it's always packed and he hates places being "too busy" as it's too much for him. He would live off ham and mushroom pizza if we let him though 🤣 Could you try making a really big push for more trips out now the better weather is coming? Even just the park with an ice cream on the way home would be very wholesome!

I don't think you can just send them out to play at those ages, you need to take them out and get involved. Away from the house is better as the temptation of the screens is gone. We used to spend most days out and about at that age when not at work/nursery. It was much easier ime

It’s about balance really. I’m not hugely interested in snapshots of our individual days - we were travelling yesterday for example and it was wall to wall easy food and screens. But on other days you can try to shift what you offer. I would say though, if the problem is really because you are chasing your tail trying to juggle work and family, keep plates spinning etc, then that needs addressing first. The screens and burgers are a symptom.

Also if you find yourself out longer then it's cheaper and just as easy to pop to the supermarket and pick up a pack of wraps, pack of sliced meat or cheese, pack of cherry tomatoes and feed that. This is what my dc get as I can't afford McDonald's all the time. Obviously that's just an example you can mix it up depending on what they like, add in a pack of sausage or cheese and onion rolls, some crisps etc. usually some left for much the next day as well so far better value

What?? What 2 year old doesn't love playing in the garden? You don't have to even "do" anything with them at that age! At four they will entertain themselves. Can't believe the excuses on here to just shove kids in front of a screen.

It has to have affected their long term health and well-being positively though to have had that in the years where they are growing and developing

I agree with this, they will have great memories of their childhood when they look back as adults

At 4 and 2 you can totally reverse the screen/junk food thing.

Mine were 18 months and 3 when we moved from a 3 bed semi on the edge of a town to a big house in the countryside. It was at the end of the summer of 2020, so they had both had ALOT of screen time during lockdown and the elder one was pretty reliant on it. Because we're so rural now, it took ages to get the internet sorted so there was no iPad or on demand TV for quite a while.

I didn't give them the iPad back after that and for a long time I only let them watch the Ceebeebies channel so there was no arguing or whining over what they wanted to watch. If they didn't like what was on, tough - go and do something else.

Can you try pretending the internet is broken? You need to be strict with your own screen time because obviously I didn't have the internet either, so I wasn't able to sit and ignore them while I was on Mumsnet like I am now!

Mine are 4 and nearly 6 now, and older on is almost at a disadvantage now because they are starting to use iPads for things at school and he isn't as capable as a lot of his peers. There will come a time where they need to use iPads for school so things will have to change then, but at the moment I still think they are better off being a bit disadvantaged in this skill and not have the issues that go with a lot of screen time. I'm sure they will pick it up quickly when they need to.

Don't give yourself a hard time though. It's so hard. I'm a SAHM, I have three free days a week when my youngest is in pre-school and there's still stuff I should do better even though I've got no excuse really.

My SIL is probably the ideal wholesome mother from the outside. Everything is freshly baked or made from scratch, wakes up early and crafts, gardens or bakes with the DC, walks are called 'adventures' and the children happily skip across fields, holidays are to idyllic cottages, clothes are all non-branded shades of sky blue and baby pink.

Yet even so, her DC are addicted to screens the minute allowed them, go shopping with grandparents and come back with smiggle and peppa pig items, drive past McDonalds and begin begging for it.

It is the world we live in and you can do small things but ultimately have to give in to reality. In hindsight, did Barbie, postman pat and the occasional Burger King ruin your childhood or are they nostalgic memories?

I can relate. I started off very wholesome with my 1st, but he has ASD and when he got to 2 or so his behaviour was very difficult to manage. Lots of aggression and not knowing where to focus his energy/attention, never really interested in toys. Outside he would just be very bored and then angry. Ipad/TV gave him a focus, so I let him use them. He's now 12 and still loves screens but he will make animations and films, and has started designing games too. He also eats a very limited diet but would rather eat nothing than that. Other DC is more outdoorsy and probably could have had a "wholesome" childhood if they'd been an only but I can't have one rule for one and one rule for the other.

I feel like this but I do feel it’s very dependent on where you live. I’m in the suburbs in a two bed flat with no garden and the nearest park is a thirty/fourty minute walk. I would love to live in the countryside again or at least have a garden !

I grew up in the 90s. We spent Saturday mornings eating dry cereal on the living room floor with our faces pressed up to the TV screen. I spent hours playing on the Nintendo 64. I had lots of screen time too, I loved my childhood. Every generation worries that the new generation is getting it wrong, I bet they even thought books were the devil's work when they went into mass circulation.

Whilst my kids get a lot of screen time, we get out and about more as a family than we did when I was younger, there is definitely more of a focus on family days (perhaps it's just my family and our incomes, but beach days or theme parks were rare treats whereas we holiday more and do more day trips, I also prioritise extra curriculars more). So whilst my kids possibly use more screens in their spare time, they have less spare time, and I'm confident they will look back on their childhoods happily on the whole!

It's an unusual 2-yr old that can safely be sent outside and left to play on his/her own without any supervision/guidance/involvement from an adult for any length of time. Not all gardens/outdoor spaces are completely toddler-friendly.

At 2yrs old my kids spent a lot of time in the garden but they needed watching/involvement from me for a lot of that - partially for safety reasons but partially because, as PPs have said, some kids love adult involvement and it's a bit of a means to an end (i.e. happy solo play when a bit older).

OP, I may have missed this but I'd start with a sandpit outside if possible - mine were very invested in sand and still are, tbh, years past toddler stage! Add in a regular weekend walk with a bit of a picnic, whether as an incentive (hot chocolate does a lot of heavy lifting) or not, and you're halfway there 😀 but try not to beat yourself up about it.

There was a good Guardian article during lockdown about how to make a walk with kids into an adventure - games to play along the way etc.

Our 2 and 5 year olds don't have tablets nor access to one. They get to watch TV and sometimes (the 2 year old not so interested) more than I would like, but, compared to what other toddlers get, I think it's fairly wholesome and does allow me to get stuff done and gives our teenager a few mins leave too.

We go out a lot. Parks or woods or a trip to library/ cafe everyday. Sometimes soft play but try not to just take them places that cost money as think it teaches the wrong values.
Occasionally McDonalds which I despise, but, quite often it's a home pack.

Oh and we do shit loads or drawing, colouring and crafts.

We definitely have the odd morning or afternoon of vegging in front of a movie or two.

What has living rurally got to do with anything? Get real. You need to step up and parent your children more 'wholesomely' if that's what you want. It's easy. It's not hard. You just say no. It really is that easy. It's just a stage. You have guidelines, boundaries. For food, screen time, x box , everything. Come on, these are parenting basics, it's not hard. My 2 eat most foods and are adventurous, will at least try any new food. They also eat junk but play football or gym most days. Ds1 is back from Uni and we are going to try the new sushi restaurant opened on the high street.

Oh and I didn't post to make you feel bad, no one can know your circumstances. Me and my dh husband definitely use our phones more than we would like. We have our moments. Sometimes I'm too strict and have to reign it in. Sometimes I'm too relaxed and have to reign that in. It's all about striving for balance I guess.

I think the issue with devices is that if you have them you will use them. A simple solution is to not have them. I don't think they are good for a 2 year olds development either.

Living rurally would probably make it worse in my honest opinion.

It's called a balance. My 2 do well at school, play sport, meet up with friends on their bikes. They also play tonnes of x box. And? So?

I agree with cloud. What's the problem here? It's only a problem if it's unbalanced, addictive, anxiety inducing. And if your kids have high chronic anxiety, then you've got bigger problems than a bit of screen time.

What about getting into a habit of every so often spending time in nature, and visiting National Trust gardens, and botanical gardens etc
Visiting nature reserves.

Make it a habit every so often to visit explore our coastline ⛱️ beaches/ country places in uk obviously safety..
along as we have conducive or warm weather

I get that these are genuine suggestions made in good faith, but the ability to do any of this has so much to do with location and privilege. From our outer London suburb we can manage the nature bit (we’re fortunate to be close to a big green and park) but to access any NT site/beach/botanical garden it’s a good 1-1.5hrs of travelling time. Plenty of attractions in London itself, of course, but again it takes an hour to get there and not all of them are wholesome or outdoorsy.

Same with the garden issue - we’re lucky to have one but it’s constantly damp, north facing, down a steep flight of stone steps, on several levels and frankly not that pleasant to be in for large chunks of the year. We have grown what flowers/vegetables we can in it given that it’s so shady barely anything thrives, but we haven’t used it anywhere near as much as we’d have liked to with DD, and all the time we do use it has to be supervised, even now she’s 5. It will never be a place for significant independent play. And many of our friends are in flats with no garden at all.

The comment above about frazzled parents frantically trying to keep all the plates spinning with zero help rings true too - most of our friends’ DC have a lot of screen time and very limited ‘wholesome’ activities because housing here is so expensive that they’re working all hours to pay the mortgage and outside of paid childcare they have no one to lessen the load (scattered families etc). No one I know is having this debate because the screens and junk food are just factored in as a necessary evil.

Wholesome is doable to some extent, and some of it is based on personal choice and priorities, but no one is parenting in a vacuum and I think it helps to understand what the external pressures and societal influences are.

People who are in towns/cities or without access to parks might find Let's Go For a Walk on Cbeebies a good thing to watch with children. Ranger Hamza regularly goes on walks in a range of locations, including towns and cities, and he does activities along the way.

It might offer some inspiration of how to get outside if you've not got lots of open space on your doorstep.

@Truestorypeeps yes, you obviously have adequate mental and physical health. It's obviously possible but it's harder these days for a lot of people in less than ideal circumstances

You did not have as much screen time as kids do now.

Mine generally do have quite a “wholesome” childhood, whatever that means. Yes, they have screen time. They also have weekends in forest parks, building forts, out cycling, playing in the cul de sac with their friends, creating their own games in the tuff tray (which is currently inhabited by a woodlouse called “Blueberry” and his little city 🤮). On balance, I think they have the same opportunity for experiences and play as I had, just with the added benefit of being pretty tech savvy.