Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

I try and have a "reset" every so often. It's one thing weighing everything up and making the conscious decision that McDonald's for lunch (or 2 hrs screen time etc) is a valid option today, vs just falling into unhealthy habits more often than you realise/admit without really questioning it.

It's something I argue about with my husband a lot though. He generally feels "well if it's keeping them quiet, and we can afford it, what's the problem?" whereas I absolutely hate seeing any sort of grabby, ungrateful attitude from our kids. Honestly, when we fall into periods of too much "yes" for convenience, it makes the children noticeably less happy (more demanding, more irritable, less grateful)

All parents start off thinking their kids will be raised solely on organic food grown at home with free range activities and wooden toys. Then life gets in the way so give yourself a break. Any reading is better than no reading. And All kids (even rural ones!) can spot a McDonald’s from 2 miles away. If you want to make a change, What you can do is to try:

-make going to the library part of your week to supplement the Peppa pig/Disney ones
-cook basic meals with the kids helping so they are learning. Making Phil Vickery’s fake KFC is quite fun, or basic burgers etc. or just get a packet mix of barbie cupcakes from Tesco and knock those up. Kids love doing stuff with parents. It doesn’t have to be a National trust approved activity 😂
-kids model parents behaviours. If you are sat reading a magazine or a book, they will. If you are sat scrolling through an iPad whilst with them, they’ll want to do the same.
-just get outside and go for a walk and collect leaves/acorns/ jump in puddles. It’s free and has the added benefit of tiring them naturally.
-put the subtitles on the shows they are watching. They are also learning to read at the same time 😉

You need to remind yourself that you are the parent, and you are in charge! Don't give in to whining and complaining. Your children are very young and there is plenty of time to change your/their habits.

Find ways to make your outdoor space more engaging for them, rotate their indoor toys so they are not bored with them. Only let them have a screen while you are cooking dinner or otherwise engaged. Save McDonalds etc, for treats only every couple of weeks, same goes for sugary cereal and other sweet snacks.

Children really do push for the sweet, easy life, and it is up to us as parents to guide them.

Just to be clear, I don’t feed them McDonald’s all the time (maybe twice a month, perhaps three at a push) and they don’t have excessive iPad or tv time I don’t think, judging by others’ standards. But it feels like a constant uphill battle and if I let then it would just be crisps, chocolate, chips, iPad, tv. I’m constantly having to say no or distract or answer “when can I watch telly” etc.

I’m also weirdly annoyed by how much my kids recognise the “big brands” and am worrying that my eldest has already been swept up by all the Disney shite, not helped by grandparents who buy all the Frozen/princess etc stuff. I don’t want her to think she has to look a certain way to be “pretty”.

This.

At 2&4 you can easily change the narrative and build them the childhood you want & they deserve.

At 12&14 you'd be a bit late, but right now you have a blank slate.

Do the question really is why are you dreaming of changes but not actually making them? You say you like the outdoors but you're not passing that love on? Maybe things are a pain in the arse when kids are young - double buggies, back carriers, bikes with trailers etc. But if you build the bag it's now you'll reap the rewards as the years go by. My 9yo cycles, skis & climbs mountains now, and genuinely enjoys it. She refused to walk more than half a mile until she was about 5! Don't give up.

This. It is entirely up to you.

I read a good book by a nature guy off the telly Steve Backshall and his wife Helen Glover, an Olympic rower. Wildings. That had some good tips for raising kids to be more outdoorsy

Oh yeah, it's a constant, uphill battle! You just have to hold firm to the belief that you know better than a 4yo. Even a very insistent 4yo 😏

Mine didn't have Macdonalds at all until they were in their early teens. It isn't mandatory. I wouldn't have dreamed of taking a 2 and 4 year old to Macdonalds every couple of weeks.

You can't live outside the society you grow up in. My kids are late teens, so no screens when they were younger. No sugar either til i discovered the daycare they went to treated them to ice creams when the van pulled up at the high school across the street.
But if you think a 'rural lifestyle' is the ideal - it isn't. Farmers don't want kids running around their fields, cars on narrow roads edged by high hedgerows makes riding bicycles dangerous and you have to drive everywhere. City kids have more freedom as with public transport they can get around themselves and more things might be available within walking distance.
You do the best you can, and frankly at only
2 and 4 your kids have a lot of childhood left. If you really don't like how things are, change it.

I've got a 2 and 4 yo. Luckily they don't really like watching too much TV, although sometimes I wish they did!
When my DS was younger he watched train video...the the algorithm moved onto toy train...then moved onto some absolute rubbish. I stopped him watching it.
YouTube is designed to be addictive. It rots the brain. I would try and get rid of it.
Also now is the perfect time to plant things in the garden and get them interested in growing things. Mine love it

Yes I do. I wish we were more outdoorsy or a musical family or a committed activist family. We do like outdoors/ camping/ making/ shows/ books but also we lost the now 13 yr old to screens during the pandemic and the 15 yr old is in her own room/ own world much of the time.

At 2 and 4 you can easily turn this around.
Routine is your friend. Introduce a rule that you'll only have screens out for very short periods. With mine it was 15 minutes of telly after lunch and 30 minutes after tea. Nothing else. They'll soon forget to ask outside these times.
Plan activities like morning trip to park, home for lunch and expect them to play with toys
Stand firm on the screens and I promise you'll find they learn how to play imaginatively.

Yeah this! My kids grew up with country and beach walking distance they still watch loads of telly and spend all day on their phones.

Have some cute traditions. Like a picnic under the same tree every week and then just keep going on about it as they get older and they’ll remember it.

I wouldn’t worry about the brand recognition thing. My daughter could recognise a McDonalds sign at two but had never eaten there. In fact, the first time we took her to McDs was at the 2012 olympics as there was nothing else to eat on site. I remember the look on her face when it slowly dawned on her what she was eating - it was like we had taken her to Xanadu or something - the promised land at last! 😂

Thank you @Netaporter these are some really good ideas.

i think I need a bit of a plan. first step I think (which may seem weird but it’s driving me mad) is I’m going to collect up all the tv/Disney character books and hide them somewhere. We have all the lovely classics and yet they’re never touched because peppa bloody pig is more appealing. We’re meeting friends at a park tomorrow but then in the afternoon I’m going to try to do some cooking with them even if it’s really basic.

Grateful for any other tips or advice (that aren’t “you should never have taken them to McDonald’s in the first place” 👌)

Hiding all the books seems a bit silly. Let them look at the books but stop taking them to Macdonalds or going on screens.

@Changeau but the books make them ask for the tv shows. And I wasn’t planning on taking them out to eat anywhere tomorrow anyway.

Set up their room / playroom with Montessori style toys and get rid of plastic tat?
Get a kitchen helper chair and get them to help chopping vegetables etc - all kids love that.

I think there’s a middle ground. When I’m off with DS or at the weekend then we’re usually out and about doing stuff. Or DH and I will take turns playing with him. He won’t play on his own so this can be quite exhausting at times. DH is better for cooking with him than me. When the weather is nice sometimes we just go in the garden and he potters around while I tidy etc.

When I’m exhausted / have stuff to do he’s allowed to watch tv or play on games. This is usually at lunchtime or at the end of the day between tea and bath.

Some days he doesn’t watch it at all, and other days (like Saturday when we were doing some DIY in the kitchen) it’s not restricted.

With food, I go for 80/20 and don’t worry about it so long as across the week it’s mainly healthy.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

I grew up on television and games consoles and beige food and chippy teas and I’m a well rounded and healthy human with a professional career!

we did a book choice rotation thing at bed time. Child one chose one night, then child 2 the next then me the third night. That way we made sure we were introducing some of the non character books. And some of. My choices even got elevated to favourites status after a while!

This was even better once they got into chapter books as we only had to read Rainbow Sodding Fairies for two out of every three books. And I got to revisit The Faraway Tree!

Oh OK. Just tell them the telly and ipads are broken. Means you'll have to entertain them though and not go on your phone. I made a big effort to not be on my phone in front of them.

All the time isn’t normal.

My kids certainly watched more TV than I would have wanted, especially through the pandemic.

At those ages it’s easy to change things. Get rid of of Youtube (personally I don’t let my kids have it as I want to be able to do stuff when they watch TV) and other streaming service platforms. Just let them have ceebies on Iplayer. Limit TV to 30 mins while you prepare dinner.

@Coffeecoffeeinmytummy why don't you try small steps like planning a walk - but make it a little game where you take along little stickers and they have to leave a sticker on a lamp post for the fairy to find her way for example...

I do this all the time with my DD who is 4. She will happily walk for miles...

Pack sandwiches , crackers, pieces of cheese, apple slices...grapes sliced, ham slices..things you can pull out for snacks when they are hungry out. Do you pack snacks when you head out? It's not always easy I know but planning the night before helps a bit.

I would avoid going near a Mac Donald's - if they see one "oh sorry looks they are closing" or we aren't going there today. Be firm.

All the merchandise like Bluey and Disney - it's not all that bad to want those. It's part of their childhood to like certain things ...but if it means they demand then need to set a limit on what grandparents are buying. 4 year old can understand pocket money and saving for a present they can buy themselves up to a point. Otherwise they will just expect something every time they see it in the shops...

There are loads of great easy, cheap craft ideas for this age on Instagram . Try busytoddler she has loads of easy ideas.

Good luck it's not easy! Look after yourself.

Also - on a warm day - cold Greek yogurt with a dollop of honey and raspberries is delicious , easy to make and good for you!
Try it , for yourself!

It is a constant battle. Don’t beat yourself up - given the choice all of us would have chosen the frankly amazing technological advancements at our fingertips given the choice 40 years ago rather than muddy puddles and yoyos.
Just try to gradually shift the balance so they get both.
I do worry about attention spans though - YouTube etc can entertain them for hours (if I let them) whereas drawing, reading, toys only seem to give 10 mins of entertainment. It’s tricky.