Do you ever wish your DC had a more “wholesome” childhood?

[Coffeecoffeeinmytummy]

Ok hear me out. I have two DC only 2 and 4. But I’m already a bit disappointed in how I’m bringing them up and wishing their childhood was a bit more wholesome. Does anyone else feel like this? Or have you made a conscious effort to try and do this?

Its hard to explain what I mean. The obvious one is too much screen time… they are both obsessed and it’s a constant negotiation. The youngest is already a marketer’s dream and wants any tat with Peppa/Bluey etc on it. Eldest would spend all day on the iPad if I let her. I kind of wish I never let them start using it, and I definitely wish that they didn’t know YouTube and on demand tv existed!

So yeah in an ideal world I’d like them to spend less time on screens and more time playing particularly outside. They’re both quite reluctant to play outside and just ask to come back in for tv. I’m not necessarily bothered about them doing “educational” stuff as they’re so little and of course we have loads of books and toys like puzzles or more open ended things but they gravitate towards plastic tat and screens. We went to a national trust place the other day and had a picnic and everything felt so much better and I thought “this is the kind of parent I thought I’d be!” 😂

Don’t even get me started on food. Youngest shrieks with delight at the McDonald’s sign from a mile off. I’d love to cook more with them but it’s a right PITA if I’m honest and I always have to summon the courage to do it. Eldest would live off pizza.

Anyone else feel like this?! I know there are bigger things to worry about but I’d love to spend my time with them playing and growing veg and being outdoors and going for walks instead of watching Disney and eating sugary crap.

The world is different. People don’t have decent gardens any more. There’s a 20 year waiting list for allotments. Green fields are being built upon. There are no other kids to play with after school because they’re all in childcare until 6pm while both parents work. More cars on the roads. It isn’t as safe as it used to be, I wouldn’t dare take my kids out walking in the isolated fields and woods where my mother took me because there’s too much risk of being raped or mugged. The wood where I used to pick bluebells is regularly full of drug addicts in tents.

I don’t think you can give your kids the same childhood because time has passed and the world has moved on. They’re always going to have a 2020s childhood and that will never be the same because the world isn’t the same.

Well you can make changes, and do it soon. Significantly limit screen time, plan fun outdoor activities and help them learn than junk food is a very occasional treat. Get them involved in growing veg if you can, and cooking it.

You did not have as much screen time as kids do now.

How can you possibly say that? I literally turned the TV on the moment I got in from school until I went to bed as a child, so from 3.30pm ish (most nights, especially winter, except when we had play dates) Whereas my kids are in after school clubs or activities for most of their evenings where they don't have screens. We don't do consoles or iPads on a school night, no phones before high school.

My kids absolutely have more variety of screen than I had no doubt, but they don't have the same amount of time to watch them like I did as we live a much busier life than my family did growing up (wraparound childcare, family days out, holidays and extra curricular clubs) so I would bet it evens out.

My dc are now adults, so didn't have iPads etc when they were little. However, there were videos and TV. I restricted the amount they watched, we were also outside every day unless the weather was horrendous. They went to a childminder 3 days per week, and she spent 1/3 of each day outside with them. It's easy to set a rule about screen time, you are the parent and they are small.

I never took my two to McDonalds. They went as an occasional treat with their grandparents. If we were somewhere and they were hungry I would get them a sandwich. I'm not saying shop sandwiches are nutritionally better than McDonalds, but it meant they didn't expect McDonalds as the norm.

We lived in a town at first, then moved to a village. They spent a lot of time building dens, splashing in the local stream and having a "wholesome" life. The downside was that, as teens, we became taxi drivers for them.

You need to set boundaries and also make being outdoors the norm rather than an exception. With the right clothes you could have outdoor picnics most lunchtimes which are fun and very easy to do. You don't have to be elaborate - a sandwich and a piece of fruit is a picnic if you eat it outside on a mat!

I appreciate we are lucky to live rurally, but in summer we never eat inside. All meals are in the garden, apart from breakfast. You just need to make being outside the norm.

I do feel that we undervalue the connection between being outdoors in nature and mental well-being.
We live in a different world now, where people are suffering because of the lack of nature and outdoors in their lives. So much so that gps have started prescribing 'nature' to their patients.
We seem to have lost sight of why more 'wholesome' lifestyle benefits us and our children.
Screen time is fine but nature is more beneficial in ways that probably can't be seen.

I think it’s takes effort to create this wholesome life you’re thinking of. Take the tablets away for a few days then decide on what new boundaries you want to set, 30
mins after lunch for example. It will be hard for a few days but you’ll notice such a change in them. Picnics in the park don’t have to be a fancy Waitrose affair. It can be a sandwich and crisps and extra bread for the ducks. Before you start chores, set up an activity, Lego, colouring, play doh which I put on a massive board on the kitchen floor. If you can contain the mess to one space, I felt it was more manageable to clean round it! Accept mess when cooking with them, there’s really no other way round this one! Homemade pizzas are a good one to start with. Do one change at a time rather than trying to alter everything all at once.

I live in a big city, drug dealing and violence very visible locally and have McDonalds and video game obsessed kids.

They still spend plenty of time playing outside, free play, home cooking, endless crafting and arty activities. We go on plenty of nature walks and rambles. Foraging.Eat organic fruit and veg daily. Do gardening.

Life doesn't have to be only one thing. Digital fluency is part of their generation's world. McDonalds is gross but now and then is okay.

With the tv/ipads I would have rules about what time they are allowed access to it. My kids know that screen time starts at 16:30. They don't ask for it earlier as they know the answer will be no.

We have brought our DC up hardly using tablets / computers etc. at all and they're thriving without it, and don't feel they have missed out. At the end of the day it's a choice YOU make as a parent. We spend lots of time outside walking places as a family, and doing the other things you mentioned like growing vegetables. None of it is that difficult - I think the OP has given in to lazy habits that are now hard to get back out of again. Giving a tablet to a 2 year old to use FFS

It was quite easy for us, so I’m not judging at all. I’m a camper- always have been, so they came with me from being babies (DH worked weekends). I didn’t allow screens until they were old enough to work and buy their own (started with paper rounds at 13, went into weekend café work until uni)… then they didn’t have time to go on them a lot.

When we lived in a bigger town, we used to walk everywhere and talk (about what was in people’s gardens etc.).At home we’d do crafts; play in the garden; watch films together; cook or bake.

When we moved to a more rural setting, they were 10 and 11, so could play out with friends. They also joined the swimming club, played football, cricket etc.

It did take some managing. I got a job in a school, so I could be with them when they weren’t at school. It was mostly fun for all of us though. My kids both have ADHD, so being proactive really mattered for behaviour management.

I’m not blind to the fact that we were fortunate with the choices we were able to make though.

I have a 21-year old and an 18-year old and if I could go back in time, I would give them the wholesome childhood you describe. But I couldn't see it properly, at the time I was exhausted, felt like I was 'putting out fires' all the time and would deal with it/fix it tomorrow. Now they're older and I realise I haven't done them any favours. Change what you can now, today! Tell them the screens are broken.

I will say about your worry about not being outside more, my son is a pre-teen now but when he was a baby I didn’t have a useable garden(it’s taken me years to get it nice and manageable!) , and live in a big city and was constantly worried my son was forever inside! But now he’s old enough to cross the street to play football on the green with his mates he’s never in doors. His screen time is considerably less now the weather is much warmer.
he also put on a bit of covid weight (wasn’t going to school, all his after school clubs cancelled etc) and that’s dropped off him now he’s constantly outside. I love watching him play tag with his mates from the window. Things do get better, kids will inherently go back to their default state of having fun with nothing but their imagination - you just have to find the right environment.

OK, I was expecting your children to be teens. They are young, it's pretty simple- you are the adult. Stop giving them the tablet, you are in charge of this.
Put things out that they can play with, get them involved in sports- whatever they show an interest in. If they want to watch Peppa pig for some down time, put it on tge tv- they are thrn not stuck in the same place, looking at a tablet, can move around if they wish to.
As for the McDonald's- everything in moderation, including treats. I think the main thing is to remember you are the adult, don't give in to tantrums about McDonald's/ tablets, as you will be creating a rod for your own back later.
And remember- it's OK for children to be bored sometimes, it's natural, and how they learn to entertain themselves.

I know exactly what you mean…

Soft play v Forest school
frozen pizza V make your own
screens V puzzles

Some of it is working mum V SAHM though so I try not to beat myself up too much. I’d rather go swimming or to the cinema with then rather than a woodland work, craft activity, baking etc tbh and I don’t care that it’s not as wholesome.

I just try to occasionally do those more wholesome activities to balance slightly 🤷🏼‍♀️

I know how you feel. My sons are 2.9 years and 10 weeks. The toddler watches too much telly (was more over winter with Pregnancy, illness, weather). Two weeks ago, I felt so guilty about the telly, I realised I had to do something about it. With Disney, he will watch it but then after a while get up and go play. But with YouTube, he could literally sit picking video after video for hours. He would also ask for it ALL the frigging time. So I banned YouTube by telling him it was broken. It's been two weeks and he only asks for it occasionally now and when I say it's still broken, he doesn't ask again.
We've had the same issues with McDonald's too although we don't eat it too often so we're now doing a McDonald's ban now as well.

I noticed a huge difference after banning youtube, he's back playing again more and able to occupy himself again. He's always loved playing outside so I'm waiting for nicer weather and I'm going to just get out as much as possible even if it's just the garden. I still allow telly and try to be relaxed about Disney but it helps that he can stop watching it on his own.

Could you try to ban the iPad and YouTube while your little ones are still quite little (if you're happy for a complete ban)? Or how about limiting it to a certain amount of time a day?

I think I'm bringing my kids up in a very similar way to how I was brought up. They have phones and access to the internet but they do still go out and play with their friends out on the street, they read lots, they make their own games up, they walk to and from school and other places by themselves etc. The food they eat is much the same as the food I had but with more flavour and cooked better!

Thank you for the (mainly) helpful replies. There are some harsh assumptions (and misreading of my post) - my two year old doesn’t use a tablet @Mummysalwaysright its only my 4 year old. No free access either, always has to ask. I won’t bother to discuss the ins and outs though because I didn’t come on looking for extra criticism, it’s not helpful. I was hoping for solidarity and tips on how to do better.

To be honest I expected a lot more people to feel similarly - among the people I know we seem quite average, most friends let their kids watch quite a lot of screens. McDs is always packed with young kids.

someone hit the nail on the head when they talked about spinning plates - we have very little local family or other support and we both work compressed hours to reduce the £ spent on childcare. We’re busy and tired.

thanks again for the tips, please do keep them coming. We have spent the morning out at a country park place, youngest is now napping and eldest is playing in her room (!!) sans iPad. I agree I need to be mindful of my own screen use to set a good example so I will put down MN and go and do something wholesome 😉

Ps. Mentioned the idea of a screen detox to DH this morning and he looked horrified 😂

Wean them off the screens now before it's too late. Switch off the router for a week and tell them the internet is broken and you will be able to break the cycle. Start healthier routines like after breakfast walks round the block, you could do a scavenger hunt with a checklist so it's not boring (different types of buildings/trees/vehicles/minibeasts etc). Or getting a board game out every night before bed. Key times to remove screen time are first thing on a morning (so they can get motivated) and an hour before bed (because the backlight interferes with sleep hormones).

Screen addiction crept up on us, it's much harder to deal with when they're older.

I do empathise but it's also an active decision to be a wholesome parent. It's the same as going to the gym, you don't really want to do it in the moment but you know you'll feel better if you do. It's always easier to stick a film on but it feels better to have done something first. Why not start with a realistic goal? If I keep my TV off 8.30-5 (so she's done a full working day of being wholesome), I feel like it's a successful day.

Having the 'right' things helps too. I'm not at all an Instagram mum, I don't prepare activities, but I look at the Busy Toddler toy lists and they have worked well for having toys that she gets stuck into. Same with her list of craft supplies.

I think outdoorsy kids are made not born. Mine will hang off me like a baby monkey for the first five minutes telling me she doesn't like the wind or the rain or the bees or the worms or whatever. I tell her she has to be tough so she can grow up to be an interesting adult who does interesting things. She still whinges but she gets on with it. 1000 hours outdoors (also on Instagram) has ideas for walks you can do with kids, like a one mile walk or a walk with hot chocolate. Sometimes just having a purpose makes it easier to drag your shoes on and get everyone outside.

I'm totally with you, I have 1 DC, not the childhood I expected for my DC, ASD, crippling anxiety around leaving the house and spends most of the time not wanting to do anything. I had dreams of long walks, picnics, meeting up with friends regularly . I've come to terms with our reality and now I enjoy spending time with my DC in the house reading quietly or talking about whatever the particular interest of the time is. Don't beat yourself up about it as long as your children are happy and healthy I don't see a problem.

My kids had an Enid Blyton childhood. Big house in the countryside, not much money so lots of 'making your own entertainment'. We kept chickens and a pony, houseful of animals, they went everywhere with a dog in tow and formed a kind of 'gang' with other local children. Home made food, paddling in rivers, all day picnics and out on their bikes (there are five of them very close in age, so they were their own 'gang' a lot of the time).

They are now as acquisitive, urban, fond of take aways and short cut meals as any others. So while they have lots of lovely memories of growing up, as soon as they were adult they gravitated to the cities or larger towns, started eating take aways and have an average of one pet apiece.

My 9 and 10 year old are currently watching a film, but this morning we went to our allotment (with a younger child) then walked back. We're going to plant sunflowers this afternoon and finish making our (late!) Easter cards. There's often a bit of whinging about going out for a walk, but everyone gets into it and the kids ate their lunch (sandwiches) whilst I did some weeding. Last week we went to the seaside and went outside whatever the weather.

Getting them outside is key I think. I live in a city, but don't drive. We walk or cycle everywhere.

The idea of taking away some toys and leaving a few out really works. I rotate the train set/duplo/building blocks etc and it honestly draws them in to play.

I'm definitely not against tv, but honestly, ditch the I pad. We have iPads but they are for homework/looking at maps/spelling games/duo lingo. There's no way my kids can have access to YouTube or tiktok. I work in schools and I've seen the affect first hand. I will use YouTube to chrome cast it to the television, as there's loads of good stuff on it, but no free access.

Maybe choose some things from i player like Hamza or Sarah and Duck and make that a treat for half an hour. Get a roll of cheap wallpaper and let them draw with crayons. I used to get play doh (they now like air drying clay), and leave that out. A sandpit in the garden has given us hours of entertainment. A load of old plastic bowls and some soil, the same.

Get rid of stuff that triggers nagging. Like the Frozen stuff.

It's hard when you're tired.

I'm sorry op I don't have any advice but yes, in answer to your question I am striving for a wholesome childhood for my kids too. I have a toddler and so far have not introduced screen time or MacDonalds because I fear the future battles that you've outlined in your post and I don't see upside in having these. I have thought about relaxing these bans but I really can't see any benefit for my DC other than having similar cultural references as their peers...but I'd rather not have their little brain subjected to marketing and branding. These things are designed to be highly addictive and I'd rather not establish addictive behaviour so early on. On a lighter note...Google the 1000 hours outside challenge- launched to move kids screen time to outdoor time. Perhaps you could get your family to try that?

I don’t think it’s the end of the world tbh if they have a bit of everything

My 3 year old lives in the countryside, has large garden, goes in the woods daily, goes to forest kindergarten, eats homegrown veg and often homemade other stuff.

He also gets the iPad every weekend morning in our bed so dh and I can ignore him an hour or so at 6am and have tea and read own book in bed in peace.

He also like Macdonalds in the next town (about 45min drive). He doesn’t actually like it for the food as will only eat the chips, but just wants to go in the play centre they have there. I actually love it, as we only only go to that town to do boring stuff like diy shops, buy essentials, car repair etc so after a morning of him following us around, I’m happy to buy him some chips, and let him play. and I get 30 mins to relax