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Why are gender roles viewed negatively?

866 replies

reddragon7 · 04/04/2023 20:32

I read and see so many threads and real life examples, where men and women feel the need to be “equal.” The man about to become a father, refuses to become the main earner, even when he has the means, and insists that his wife also work and contribute financially. Doesn’t this seem imbalanced to anyone, and that society is being brainwashed to accept this as the norm.

I have nothing against a woman wishing to work post-children, however, I don’t understand why society and some men put pressure on their wives to work, if she would rather stay home with the children. This has now become and expectation. If a woman is contributing financially, it is never really 50/50, as she is also doing most of the domestic work.

People condemn gender roles as though they are ancient, but seem to forget that, biologically and psychologically, women are naturally better caregivers to children. They are the ones pregnant, produce all these hormones, and better equipped to raise a child than a man. Of course, there are exceptions, but as a general fact, people seem to ignore this.

In view of all this, I believe more men should offer to be financial providers, giving women the option to not work after children, as childcare costs aren’t exactly saving them much anyway. Otherwise, it feels we are moving away from our gender roles, which may actually be more helpful in a marriage, than people make out.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Lcb123 · 04/04/2023 20:34

I don’t even know where to start, what utter nonsense. Surely a joke post,

reddragon7 · 04/04/2023 20:35

Lcb123 · 04/04/2023 20:34

I don’t even know where to start, what utter nonsense. Surely a joke post,

I’m genuinely curious. This is not a joke.

OP posts:
eurochick · 04/04/2023 20:39

What a load of old shyte.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dracuuule · 04/04/2023 20:41

Lots of people do. It's difficult when housing costs are high and one salary isn't enough.
If it is and that's what you agree with your dh/dp then there's no issue.
I think the issue is that lots of men are crap. They don't want to help with domestic chores and don't want to work at being a good partner or father.
(Disclaimer: lots of decent men out there too)

Lastnamedidntstick · 04/04/2023 20:45

Because becoming dependant on a man leaves you tied to him.

if he’s abusive you can’t leave, if he leaves or you want to leave you’re up shit creek with no earning potential, no way of securing a home.

being a sahm does not save you money long term. You’ll lose on pensions, career progression, years of salary just to avoid paying a few years nursery fees.

dh could walk out the door tomorrow and I’ll be absolutely fine. Yet so many threads on here from women who are looking at losing their home and living on benefits or going back to minimum wage jobs because they are completely reliant on their husbands.

spousal maintenance is very rare, and with the cost of housing it’s very difficult to split one wage into two households.

bellac11 · 04/04/2023 20:45

Dracuuule · 04/04/2023 20:41

Lots of people do. It's difficult when housing costs are high and one salary isn't enough.
If it is and that's what you agree with your dh/dp then there's no issue.
I think the issue is that lots of men are crap. They don't want to help with domestic chores and don't want to work at being a good partner or father.
(Disclaimer: lots of decent men out there too)

I think lots of women are similar to the OP and exclude/find fault with fathers and the male role in the family and then moan when they naturally detach

I see in real life but also on countless threads on here

hexsnidgett · 04/04/2023 20:45

It's a very long time, thankfully, since I have read such a load of sexist bollocks.

reddragon7 · 04/04/2023 20:55

Not looking for people complain it’s sexist, just looking for genuine answers and opinions tbh.

OP posts:
Shutte · 04/04/2023 20:55

People are different, the best thing is to be in a relationship where people feel equally valued. If the father wants to stay at home and care for the children and the woman wants to work for the financial provision, then that’s the best thing for the family. It’s when people don’t want their partners to do what they want to do lies the problem. I wanted to work, my husband wanted to work.

We are 50/50 in terms of income, childcare, housework, mental work. We both respect each other and it works brilliants for us. We are all very happy. Others would prefer a different set up. It works of both are happy with it.

Number1number2 · 04/04/2023 20:56

YABU

reddragon7 · 04/04/2023 20:58

Dracuuule · 04/04/2023 20:41

Lots of people do. It's difficult when housing costs are high and one salary isn't enough.
If it is and that's what you agree with your dh/dp then there's no issue.
I think the issue is that lots of men are crap. They don't want to help with domestic chores and don't want to work at being a good partner or father.
(Disclaimer: lots of decent men out there too)

I completely understand costs of living being high etc, but I’m mainly referring to men who actually have the means, but feel extra is needed from the woman. In situations where women don’t agree, but feel “pressured” by their husbands.

OP posts:
snowbellsxox · 04/04/2023 21:11

No I get what you are saying, where she may not need to necessarily work but he wants her to even though she would maybe prefer to be at home raising the child.
I study child phycology, it's not all about doing it to be stable and secure without a man .. it's a strange view I don't expect my husband to walk out on me any day now we can't live thinking like that ..
more to the point it is beneficial for child to be with parent until three years of age

snowbellsxox · 04/04/2023 21:13

In my opinion, nurseries are 'raising' a lot of our children in their most crucial years due to lack of financial support for mums.
Especially those that go full time!
I could never get my head around it
Especially 0-2 being there all day, when do the parents see the children at weekends?

I'm going to get flamed Grin

reddragon7 · 04/04/2023 21:15

snowbellsxox · 04/04/2023 21:11

No I get what you are saying, where she may not need to necessarily work but he wants her to even though she would maybe prefer to be at home raising the child.
I study child phycology, it's not all about doing it to be stable and secure without a man .. it's a strange view I don't expect my husband to walk out on me any day now we can't live thinking like that ..
more to the point it is beneficial for child to be with parent until three years of age

Exactly. Thank you

OP posts:
reddragon7 · 04/04/2023 21:15

snowbellsxox · 04/04/2023 21:13

In my opinion, nurseries are 'raising' a lot of our children in their most crucial years due to lack of financial support for mums.
Especially those that go full time!
I could never get my head around it
Especially 0-2 being there all day, when do the parents see the children at weekends?

I'm going to get flamed Grin

I’m with you. Women should have the option to want to raise their child full time too.

OP posts:
snowbellsxox · 04/04/2023 21:15

psychology**

Everyone has their own opinions
Whatever makes them feel better I suppose.

snowbellsxox · 04/04/2023 21:18

Yes I'm not about to pay someone else to raise my child
I want to raise them how I want to raise them.

Their brains are developing at a crucial rate during these years.

I said what I said Grin

In the grand scheme of things, it's not a long time so I'm not buying the career b/s

BeeCucumber · 04/04/2023 21:19

snowbellsxox · 04/04/2023 21:13

In my opinion, nurseries are 'raising' a lot of our children in their most crucial years due to lack of financial support for mums.
Especially those that go full time!
I could never get my head around it
Especially 0-2 being there all day, when do the parents see the children at weekends?

I'm going to get flamed Grin

I agree. I could never understand couples that have children - but then put them in full time nursery from a very young age and barely spend time with them. If you need both salaries to pay your mortgage and bills etc - why do you think you can afford to have children?

Battleaxx · 04/04/2023 21:22

I agree with you. I work FT out of necessity but it would be better for my kids if I didn’t have to. I don’t think it’s sexist to say that as a group, there may be differences between women and men. I’m sure we can cope with that idea without suggesting anyone should be coerced or pressured into a family life that doesn’t suit them.

Battleaxx · 04/04/2023 21:24

And obviously just because you put your kid in childcare it doesn’t mean you’re not raising them, but I think anyone can see that family life is easier if there is someone at home at least part-time, particularly when children are under 5.

museumum · 04/04/2023 21:24

I honestly don’t know any mother in the situation you describe. All my mum friends work and all do because they enjoy their career, most work part time in some way while the children are young but all intend to increase again when the children are older.
we are all married to or living with men who are just as capable of parenting as we are (after the first year when breast feeding and hormones are a factor).

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/04/2023 21:28

I don’t know what you’re talking about? It’s completely normal for mothers to take maternity leave, and to work fewer hours for less money than their male partners when their children are small. Not everyone but lots of people.

Who are the people you know suggesting they shouldn’t?

parietal · 04/04/2023 21:31

I put my kids in nursery from 6 months and went back to work full time. Not for the money but because I enjoy my job and I'm good at it. And I think that choice should be available to everyone.

DH does as much parenting as me (or more, he is wfh) our kids are doing just fine.

LolaSmiles · 04/04/2023 21:32

What a load of shite.

The only part you've got spot on is that when women are working, they're usually still carrying most of the domestic load.

The solution to that isn't that men should pay this bills whilst women stay home though.

The solution to that is both parents do their fair share in the house and we move towards a society where both parents can work flexibly, maintain their pensions, and do their fair share at home.

Cherrybl0ssm · 04/04/2023 21:34

@reddragon7 I agree to some extent.
The role of mother is the most important one in society - we grow, nurture and birth the next generation.
The family is the foundation of society.
However mothers who do not engage in paid employment are seen as less valuable to society unfortunately.
Then there is the problem of women in difficult situations where it is not sensible for them to be financially reliant on their partner.
In an ideal world motherhood would be the most respected role in society. But we are a long way from that.
All men would treat the mother of their children with love, respect and kindness. Unfortunately we are a long way from that too.
I was very happy not to work. I am fortunate to have a DH who respects my role at home and has never treated me as lesser because I am not economically active in the workforce. I know many women who are not in the situation and would like to be. And many who love working. Also bringing up small children is hard, repetitive and often very boring and invisible work. I understand who some women don’t want that.
Personally when my DH came home and talked about the successes of his day - this meeting or that contract. I would talk about how DC did his first wee in the potty or how I headed off a tantrum. Those achievements had as much value as those of my DH

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