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Original poster

Sons dad fractured 3 of my sons ribs

483 replies

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 13:57

Looking for advice,

Long one, on Wednesday morning I noticed my baby was unsettled and had a cut on his ear, he was grunting and I noticed a bruise on his hand, I took him to GP and she called social services, we where referred to hospital for suspected child abuse, I really thought some sort of freak accident happened, I never suspected my then partner ( sons dad ) at the time at all, however scans revealed 3 fractured ribs, on Saturday my sons dad told me he thinks he's done this out of a moment of frustration as he couldn't settle our son... he squeezed him, we told the police, the police arrested him yesterday morning, he is out and waiting to give another statement and charges

However social services have informed me today I am not aloud to be around my 2 children unsupervised, they will stay with my mum, I can't take them home or anything I am devestated as I haven't done this and told the police when my sons dad told me,

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person and really never suspected this, anyone know what will happen with social services will I get to take my children home eventually

OP posts:
MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 27/03/2023 14:53

Why are you worried about contact with his "father", your son could of died.

It's probably a good thing you're on supervised contact with the children until you see things for how they really are. As for you not ending the relationship already - seriously?!

MaireadMcSweeney · 27/03/2023 14:54

Nailsandthesea · 27/03/2023 14:50

A court can terminate his rights

a life long non molestation order for at least for the next 12-24 months protects her and all the children

my friends husband attacked the house - not her or the kids but he violently attacked the house when she wasn’t there - police got her a 3 year non molestation order whilst she sorted through everything

so yes the police absolutely should protect them

Show quote history

A life long order for 12-24 months??
a lifelong restraining order might be technically possible but not for an offence like this.

yes courts can terminate parental responsibility, in very rare and specific circumstances. It's not something the OP can just do.

pinkyredrose · 27/03/2023 14:54

am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person

He is obviously aggressive, very much so. He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near you or your children.

Has he ever been left alone with your daughter?

Nalupa · 27/03/2023 14:54

MulletAndMustache · 27/03/2023 14:52

im impressed you’ve immediately told the police when he told you, that was a brave thing to do. I hope your mums supporting you.

Ffs impressed? There was no other option. A baby has been abused. Wtaf?

Well, some people don't. They end up enabling the abuse further. She didn't.

Nailsandthesea · 27/03/2023 14:54

TheVanguardSix · 27/03/2023 14:50

I can help you with the legal aspect.
I, without any legal representation but armed with tonnes of legal advice from a stellar direct access barrister, successfully removed my ex husband’s PR last week. It CAN be done. Absolutely. People will say no because it’s not simple (and shouldn’t be) but in cases of life threatening abuse, absolutely push hard.
On the basis that your former partner has committed a crime which endangered the life of his child, you have an extremely strong case for removal of PR at best and ‘Limited PR’ at worst (which severely reduces PR to the barest of minimums). You do not want him around the children. Ever. Again. It is ok to feel lost, sad, and confused about this. Because it is hard to come to terms with the reality that the partner we trusted did the worst to their own precious child. Really fucking hard to come to terms with that. But protect your children you must! He made a terrible decision and actions have consequences. These are his. He is the architect of his own loss and misery. PROTECT!! That’s all you have to think about. Protect your kids. Make it your mantra and give it truth.
I’ve been fighting for this for a year and finally got it. I cried tears of utter sadness on the day I read the order. Ugly tears. Why? Because my children deserved a loving parent, not a shitty, abusive one. Removal of PR reminded me of what they never had in their father and never ever will. But! It made me proud of the family we’ve become and crucially, the mother I am.
I’ll help you any way I can, OP. PM me.

I have seen similar - a father with non physical abuse but constant emotional manipulation of his ex wife and the children despite all the boundaries put in place.

frighteningly the court increased contact first, which was odd as he wasn’t showing up but it turns out they were giving him the opportunity to step up and build a meaningful connection etc etc and then then reduced it down and the offered supervised and then stopped access

termination of parental rights absolutely can and does happen

I wouldn’t want this potential murderer anywhere near me or my baby

MulletAndMustache · 27/03/2023 14:55

Nalupa · 27/03/2023 14:52

I don't think she is thinking about it for the benefit of the scum. She is just thinking about what might happen in the future and how she can protect her son from him in the future. I think that's reasonable and normal. You can be full of anger and trying to get her son back, but also anxious and fearful about the future too.

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Whatever you say. It’s not a normal reaction at all. And yes there is a normal reaction to your 11 week old baby having been attacked by a fucking monster. None of that includes mentioning any sort of access for this piece of shit.

juniper16 · 27/03/2023 14:55

Well done for noticing changes in your baby and getting them seen Wednesday, the process of safeguarding for suspecting non accidental injuries on non mobile babies is rapid and quick and no doubt you've been through a lot at hospital.
Has your baby been discharged from paediatrics now?
Assuming you are consenting for your mum, maternal grandmother to care for the children with you there?
Is there is any indication you are not confirming to this family safety plan and supervision then children social care may want to find ways to secure it such as Section 20 accommodating them with your mum as foster cater for the time being.
Let the police do their joint investigation with social care, this process can be long especially if going through the courts for prosecution.

It's easy for people to say about your now ex partner but lots of parents / adults without warning lose patience and harm babies, heartbreaking, not as rare as you think.

As a professional in this field, do all you can to prioritise your children and yes this will include remaining separated from your partner. There will be assessments and digging to ascertain you are a safe parent, and assess the impact on your elder children too and if babies dad has ever been somewhat harmful to them one way or another.

Of course it is possible to have your children back, permitting you are proportionate, safe and prioritise them and yourself.

I absolutely feel for you, the complex emotions of knowing your tiny defenceless baby has been harmed by their father, what a head fuck to say the least. I hope all other medical checks are ok and no evidence of brain damage from being shook.

I've been part of situations like this multiple times, it's very hard to balance but the priority is trying to make decisions to safeguard the children and just hope the non abusing adult / parent can safeguard.

GoodChat · 27/03/2023 14:56

Oh your poor baby! What the fuck is wrong with that man!

Keep him as far away as you can for as long as you possibly can.

RJnomore1 · 27/03/2023 14:56

Yes I’m impressed. I read thread after thread on here about people covering up for various forms of abuse by their partners and article after article on the news about it. Im
impressed this young woman, having been through two abusive relationships, immediately did the right thing to protect her child.

There are other options and people take them for various reasons. No one said they are good options.

roarfeckingroarr · 27/03/2023 14:56

This is horrifying.

Do not bring another man into your poor children's lives.

TheVanguardSix · 27/03/2023 14:56

“I’m impressed you’ve immediately told the police when he told you, that was a brave thing to do. I hope your mums supporting you.”

Amen! It is the hardest thing you can do, turning in your own partner to police. People have a real cut and dry view of abuse/violence. You don’t just switch to hating your partner. You’re in shock. You have to dig really deep when you discover who and what they really are.
This is a tragedy for the OP. It take guts to do what she did. It takes courage to do the right thing. And anyone who says otherwise hasn’t had to face such a terrible thing as discovering you’ve built a life with someone dangerous and untrustworthy who will bring harm to the very people they are meant to protect.

Smineusername · 27/03/2023 14:57

Awful.

So sorry to hear this.

I doubt very much that this was a first time incident and I would be looking to get the full story.

Greenfairydust · 27/03/2023 14:58

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CC4712 · 27/03/2023 14:58

Are you sure he hasn't been abusing your daughter also?

Why didn't you notice the cut ear or bruised hand?

Change the locks- not just take the keys back!

MulletAndMustache · 27/03/2023 14:58

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pontipinemum · 27/03/2023 14:59

Oh God poor little baby 😭how could he do that.

I don't know much about SS at all. I guess they just want the kids with your mam to know they are safe while they investigate. I'm glad you get to stay with them too. Hopefully he never get to see the baby again.

I hope your mum/ family are giving you lots of support.

Nalupa · 27/03/2023 15:00

MulletAndMustache · 27/03/2023 14:55

Whatever you say. It’s not a normal reaction at all. And yes there is a normal reaction to your 11 week old baby having been attacked by a fucking monster. None of that includes mentioning any sort of access for this piece of shit.

Show quote history

I could imagine while she's speaking to a lawyer or whoever that her mind can be thinking of all sorts, mine does during trauma. It could have been as simple as "he won't ever be allowed near my son again, will he!?" And then the lawyer explaining that actually yes he might be, but it would be supervised, or whatever.

Slimjimtobe · 27/03/2023 15:00

Op this is heartbreaking and probably the most shocking thing is you didn’t know & that is so he’s for you but you told the police as soon as you knew so you need to keep him away (restraining order?) and fight to keep your baby

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 15:00

I don't know how I am supposed to react to this honestly,
So on Wednesday when I took him to the GP And it came about with the bruises ext I was worried my toddler had fell on top of baby ( there not left alone together unless I have to quickly pop to the toilet or answer the door )
then I was worried I had rolled on top of him when I was sleeping, sometimes bring him into bed, I was also worried he had cancer and this is what was causing the bruises
I have felt in complete shock this full process, when sons dad told me what had happened I felt angry, upset, sick, confused , shocked and now I don't know what I feel I have not been sleeping since I found out, not ate anything since I found out and staring at the wall for hours,
Sons dad has never been violent, aggressive, doesn't shout or anything, he has came across a caring dad ( this isn't me excusing him I am just trying to explain why I am in shock ) so obviously I am like who is this person that has done this? I just don't understand it I'm feeling really confused at it all I just don't understand why this has happened

OP posts:
Howdoyoulikeyourtea · 27/03/2023 15:01

TheVanguardSix · 27/03/2023 14:56

“I’m impressed you’ve immediately told the police when he told you, that was a brave thing to do. I hope your mums supporting you.”

Amen! It is the hardest thing you can do, turning in your own partner to police. People have a real cut and dry view of abuse/violence. You don’t just switch to hating your partner. You’re in shock. You have to dig really deep when you discover who and what they really are.
This is a tragedy for the OP. It take guts to do what she did. It takes courage to do the right thing. And anyone who says otherwise hasn’t had to face such a terrible thing as discovering you’ve built a life with someone dangerous and untrustworthy who will bring harm to the very people they are meant to protect.

I’m impressed too, you took him straight to the GP and went straight to the police when you found out what had happened. Well done OP, that took great strength, you need to keep that strength now for your dc, take any advice and lessons social services give you and look at Freedom programme to help with relationships.

SaturdayGiraffe · 27/03/2023 15:01

Have you been with this man long?
How has your mother reacted?

Fladdermus · 27/03/2023 15:01

To stand any chance of getting your children back you need to:

  1. Co-operate fully with social services and the police
  2. Leave the relationship and end all contact with him
  3. Fight tooth and nail to ensure he has no contact whatsoever with your children
  4. Do the freedom programme, have some sort of therapy so you don't get into relationships with abusive men.
  5. Stay single and focus on your children
  6. Give it time to earn the trust of those who will ultimately decide.
Workinghardeveryday · 27/03/2023 15:01

MaryKateDanaher · 27/03/2023 14:00

I don't have experience of this but I can tell you now, if you don't leave your partner they will almost certainly take your children from you. Your partner is an abuser. He could've killed your baby, very easily.

I agree. My step niece that I haven’t seen since I was a lot younger got sent to prison for something similar. When he was released ss told her if she had him back the children could not live with her

Nalupa · 27/03/2023 15:01

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Yes, they are. I don't disagree with you.

2bazookas · 27/03/2023 15:02

SS have to protect your children while further medical exams determine if this is your baby's first/only injury; if there are any underlying medical issues that make his bones more vulnerable / fragile, and what else other than "squeezing" your DH admits to . There's also the question of, was the the first time he's been too rough with a child. So your other children may also be examined for current injuries or old ones, and gently spoken to by trained people .Its important that meanwhile, nobody influences the children to either conceal information or name and blame.

This separation from your children, painful as it is, protects them, enabling the police to investigate; and it also protects you from any suspicions of collusion. Try to stay calm and co-operative.; remember that you, SS and police all want the best for your children. You are on the same side,

Your DP is pretty certain to get charged for the child's injuries, may face prison . Either way, you're likely to be facing single parenthood. Rally any family and friend support you can, and put them in the picture.