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Original poster

Sons dad fractured 3 of my sons ribs

483 replies

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 13:57

Looking for advice,

Long one, on Wednesday morning I noticed my baby was unsettled and had a cut on his ear, he was grunting and I noticed a bruise on his hand, I took him to GP and she called social services, we where referred to hospital for suspected child abuse, I really thought some sort of freak accident happened, I never suspected my then partner ( sons dad ) at the time at all, however scans revealed 3 fractured ribs, on Saturday my sons dad told me he thinks he's done this out of a moment of frustration as he couldn't settle our son... he squeezed him, we told the police, the police arrested him yesterday morning, he is out and waiting to give another statement and charges

However social services have informed me today I am not aloud to be around my 2 children unsupervised, they will stay with my mum, I can't take them home or anything I am devestated as I haven't done this and told the police when my sons dad told me,

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person and really never suspected this, anyone know what will happen with social services will I get to take my children home eventually

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 27/03/2023 21:34

LavenderFields7 · 27/03/2023 16:32

Sorry minor question, but is it “allowed” or “aloud”? I’m questioning if I’ve been using the wrong word all my life 😟

Look it up in a dictionary. 🙄

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2023 21:35

Agoraphobia · 27/03/2023 16:49

if it was me i`d work with SS best you can .
press charges on him make a plan to move if you can cut all contact .
go court if need be as he is a danger to the child . i could keep my temper down if it was my partner .

The OP CANNOT press charges. I wish people would stop referring American cop shows.

The CPS decides whether or not to prosecute depending on evidence presented by the police. We can but hope there is enough - he's admitted it so there should be,

And if the judge allows contact then the OP doesn't get a choice.

piedbeauty · 27/03/2023 21:36

Puppers · 27/03/2023 17:05

There are some appalling responses on here.

On the face of it, OP is someone who has a history of becoming involved with abusive men and would benefit from some professional help to break this cycle. Despite this, she has done the right thing. She fought to stop her daughter's abusive father from having access to her, and she immediately called the police and ended the relationship with her son's father in light of this abusive incident. And yet here she is being questioned, spoken down to, treated with aggression and villified. On a parenting forum.

Is it really any wonder that domestic violence is so hard to escape and so hard to seek support for? When victims come onto sites like this for support from other parents and have their language picked apart, past threads dug up (and completely misconstrued) and are made to feel responsible?

This x100.

nocoolnamesleft · 27/03/2023 21:37

You honestly sound like you've acted rather better than many mothers of my experience:
You quickly spotted that something was wrong with your baby
You promptly sought medical help
You cooperated with police and social services
When your partner make a partial confession, you promptly called the police

I recognise that you must be in psychological shock. You will have realised by now that your precious baby could have been killed. You will have endured diagnostic uncertainty, and things like the seemingly eternal wait for the results of a brain scan, to see just how bad things were. The formal processes are scary and intimidating. But you have experienced how essential they are, because your baby's father had indeed seriously injured him. It's a lot to process.

You absolutely must be completely separate from this abusive bastard. Whether this was one off or sustained (and some of the repeat xrays your baby will be getting will be to look for more healing fractures, potentially sustained at a different time), there is no way it can be safe for him to be anywhere near such a vulnerable baby. If there is a hint of a continued relationship, you will lose your children. What would absolutely be best for your baby would be if he actually fessed up to the police. Because then it would be clearer that you are an innocent party. But it is such an important thing that you have family around you, to support you. For a baby to be able to go to extended family is so encouraging, rather than emergency foster care. Do everything, and I mean everything, that social services ask of you. When your head is a little straighter, I would very strongly recommend the Freedom Programme.

I hope your little one makes a rapid and full recovery.

CanofCant · 27/03/2023 21:38

God almighty. OP gave birth less than three months ago to a man she believed to be a decent partner and now she is facing this. Yes, I'm sure you are all so clever you would never have picked him as a father to your child but she's already admitted she hasn't the best relationship history. Why is that her fault though? You don't know her circumstances or what has led her to this point.

She's done the right thing and she is being realistic in preparing for court ordered access. There are some very naive people on here in the fortunate position of being unable to imagine a world where courts grant access to abusive fathers. Well they bloody do.

Comii9 · 27/03/2023 21:39

OP honestly. Have you got family support? Make sure your contraception is water tight and don't have any more kids. Children are lovely but they are hard work you have got your hands full.

What stands out for me is that your GP had to set the alarm bell not you. You seem very calm about the situation.

Where were you OP because at 11 weeks.... your baby would of been in agony?

OrangepussynamedDeedre · 27/03/2023 21:39

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Comii9 · 27/03/2023 21:42

CanofCant · 27/03/2023 21:38

God almighty. OP gave birth less than three months ago to a man she believed to be a decent partner and now she is facing this. Yes, I'm sure you are all so clever you would never have picked him as a father to your child but she's already admitted she hasn't the best relationship history. Why is that her fault though? You don't know her circumstances or what has led her to this point.

She's done the right thing and she is being realistic in preparing for court ordered access. There are some very naive people on here in the fortunate position of being unable to imagine a world where courts grant access to abusive fathers. Well they bloody do.

OP is responsible and I say this as an adult that my mum got involved with my dad.... SS whipped me off my mum as a baby. This was going back 32 years ago now. My mum got me back but it had to go to court and everything.

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2023 21:42

COPPER3 · 27/03/2023 18:23

Tbh, I haven't read all the messages.
My God! This is a hard read. A tiny 11 week baby with broken ribs...
Shocking!
Have you got other children with this man?

How long had you known this vile human?

I just hope your children are safe and protected.

Then why don't you read the OP's posts? She's probably got better things to do than answer the same questions over and over again

piedbeauty · 27/03/2023 21:43

Tropicaliyes · 27/03/2023 18:38

@premicrois and @GoodChat I believe the question asked by @LavenderFields7 was asked because the OP keeps using “aloud” instead of “allowed” so it’s not like they are coming with a totally unrelated question from nowhere, it was a question regarding what the OP keeps saying and which one is meant to be used..

Yes 🙄🙄 but really? @LavenderFields should look it up in a frigging dictionary.

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2023 21:48

Comii9 · 27/03/2023 21:39

OP honestly. Have you got family support? Make sure your contraception is water tight and don't have any more kids. Children are lovely but they are hard work you have got your hands full.

What stands out for me is that your GP had to set the alarm bell not you. You seem very calm about the situation.

Where were you OP because at 11 weeks.... your baby would of been in agony?

Will you, for the love of god, read ALL the OP's posts PROPERLY and have a little, teeny, tiny bit of empathy.

She explained what happened. She explained what she did. She explained what's happening now

She has done everything she could

AND SHE TOOK HER BABY TO THE DOCTOR.

What else was she supposed to have done?

itsgettingweird · 27/03/2023 21:49

Hopefully they'll complete the investigation soon.

You need to completely work with them.

Ask them about doing the freedom programme. It sounds like you have a history of abusive men in your life. This will be for yours and your childrens sake.

pepsirolla · 27/03/2023 21:50

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Really, you are blaming her?! He is the abuser. Plus how condescending, age has nothing to do with maturity. She has done everything right as soon as she noticed he was poorly and should be commended and supported. Wish you all the best OP for you and your kids

Redebs · 27/03/2023 21:51

saraclara · 27/03/2023 19:13

Same here. It's why I'm frequently found here challenging those who always give women the benefit of the doubt.

Show quote history

There are some potential red flags in this case, going back over a couple of years of OP on Mumsnet.
I'm not trying to play detective and there are no prizes for being proven right, but please, please OP, be totally honest with Social Services about your relationships with your children and their fathers.
This is deeply worrying, reading between the lines.
I don't want to read about this in the national news in the near future.

piedbeauty · 27/03/2023 21:51

Daffodilsandbeer · 27/03/2023 20:26

There should be a trigger warning on this. An utter animal hurting a tiny infant. That little baby. Abused and broken at a few weeks old. My heart goes out to that baby, and what he was born into

You are a complete muppet. What is the shitting thread title?? What did you think it was about??! 🙄

BadAngel · 27/03/2023 21:52

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BadAngel · 27/03/2023 21:53

**Woman

nocoolnamesleft · 27/03/2023 21:54

Forgot to say, I hope the paediatric team has congratulated the GP on acting promptly and correctly.

Remagirl · 27/03/2023 21:58

The only way to proceed now is to tell this poor excuse for a man that he is dead to you and your child. For the avoidance of doubt make it clear he will never get anywhere near you or your child again you should also ask police to do a Clare's law background check. Make sure SS know 100% that he is not to have access at all. Accept any conditions they put in place and stick to the rules.

SemperIdem · 27/03/2023 22:01

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Women who have been abused in a relationship often find themselves in subsequent relationships with abusive men.

There are stats on it, free to Google.

There are also stats on how few women leave those abusive men, to protect their children. Women lose their children, time and time again, because they are unable to leave an abusive partner.

Yes the bar is low, and it was set by men.

You’re a victim blaming prick.

NotStayingIn · 27/03/2023 22:02

I'm so sorry this has happened, you must be devastated. It sounds like you are handling it really well and putting your kids first. You're doing a great job. x

changeme4this · 27/03/2023 22:03

I have read your posts. Does your Son's father know you and the children will be staying at your Mum's?

I'm concerned that while he is ''banned'' from going back home to yours, he isn't ''banned'' from going to your Mum's. If this is the case, please let the police know. Sometimes one dept doesn't necessarily talk to the other and they might not have joined the dots that is where you and the children will be...

Tropicaliyes · 27/03/2023 22:04

@Nanny0gg yeah I get you.. I see it more now as if playing it dumb that maybe they are the mistaken one and not the OP.. I think in my head I saw the error and wanted to correct it however didn’t feel it was necessary given the post but if that’s what that poster was trying to do they would have stated clearly that it was the incorrect spelling or said nothing at all.. quite pandering really.

misssunshine4040 · 27/03/2023 22:05

Why are there so many arm chair lawyers and social workers on here? And why are people casting judgement and blame on the OP for this repulsive man's actions?

Op has done everything right and is worried needing support. Imagine being in her shoes

pepsirolla · 27/03/2023 22:06

PipMumsnet · 27/03/2023 15:44

Hello OP,
We're so very sorry to read what happened and we're sorry to jump in unannounced. But we thought it best to remind everyone that you are seeking advice and support about a very difficult, heartbreaking situation, and to bear this in mind when responding. If we see posts that don’t fit with this, we will most likely delete them. Posters who continually break our Talk Guidelines may have their accounts suspended and this is something we would rather avoid doing.
Wishing you the very best OP 💐
MNHQ

Is it possible to freeze the thread so the supportive helpful posts can be read by op and others in similar situations?Plus remove the ones when posters have not read and understood the situation or a being utterly callous and victim blaming