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Original poster

Sons dad fractured 3 of my sons ribs

483 replies

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 13:57

Looking for advice,

Long one, on Wednesday morning I noticed my baby was unsettled and had a cut on his ear, he was grunting and I noticed a bruise on his hand, I took him to GP and she called social services, we where referred to hospital for suspected child abuse, I really thought some sort of freak accident happened, I never suspected my then partner ( sons dad ) at the time at all, however scans revealed 3 fractured ribs, on Saturday my sons dad told me he thinks he's done this out of a moment of frustration as he couldn't settle our son... he squeezed him, we told the police, the police arrested him yesterday morning, he is out and waiting to give another statement and charges

However social services have informed me today I am not aloud to be around my 2 children unsupervised, they will stay with my mum, I can't take them home or anything I am devestated as I haven't done this and told the police when my sons dad told me,

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person and really never suspected this, anyone know what will happen with social services will I get to take my children home eventually

OP posts:
Newuser82 · 27/03/2023 20:39

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To be fair although I would certainly leave my husband if anything like this happened I can't say I wouldn't struggle to come to terms with the loss of my relationship also and the fact that the man I loved could behave like this.

Morningcoffeeview · 27/03/2023 20:40

Newuser82 · 27/03/2023 20:39

To be fair although I would certainly leave my husband if anything like this happened I can't say I wouldn't struggle to come to terms with the loss of my relationship also and the fact that the man I loved could behave like this.

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Oh totally.

But that sentence is present tense. She still hasn’t accepted he is unequivocally aggressive.

onetimenamec · 27/03/2023 20:42

Please don't use your age as an excuse. A "young mum" would be a teenager. You need to face it as an adult.

juniper16 · 27/03/2023 20:42

Wife2b · 27/03/2023 19:41

Realistically OP, the Local Authority will probably seek an Interim Care Order for your children to remain with grandparents whilst care proceedings are initiated. The overall timescale is aimed 6 months but can be longer depending on complexities. You will be offered supervised contact likely 3 times per week and if your parents pass an assessment they may be well deemed suitable to offer additional supervised contacts. Work with your social worker, accept the risk and focus on what needs doing. You absolutely need to sever ties with this man as your social worker and the courts will be looking at your capacity to safeguard your son.

Little bit too presumptuous and potential scare-mongering... best not to imply what orders and contact arrangements will be made at this stage until you are the allocated worker discussing this multiagency. 11 week old, could be breastfed, could be full of positives re care of mother and attachment, could be evidenced (as it seems) mum is not presenting a risk and doing / done all she can to protect since noticed concerns; why separate children from mum if can manage safely whilst outside investigation continues...

EmmatheStageRat · 27/03/2023 20:45

@lockdownmummax please work with children’s services and jump through every single hoop they ask you to. I am an adoptive parent twice over and my younger DD was removed from her birth parents and placed with me at 12 hours old - because a previous baby died at 10 weeks old of non-accidental injuries, including multiple unhealed fractures. Birth mum subsequently lost her two other surviving children who are now in long-term foster care.

My daughter’s birth father was ultimately held responsible for the death of the baby following two finding of fact hearings (a judge makes a ruling on the balance of probability) but the police and the CPS were not able to prosecute as they were not confident that they could secure a conviction on the basis of beyond all reasonable doubt.

letthemalldoone · 27/03/2023 20:46

onetimenamec · 27/03/2023 20:42

Please don't use your age as an excuse. A "young mum" would be a teenager. You need to face it as an adult.

The OP did not do any such thing!! I asked her if she was young and 23 is very young where I come from to have two small children.

Can I suggest you OFF, inserting your choice of verb in front of it. Nasty piece of work!

EasternEcho · 27/03/2023 20:46

onetimenamec · 27/03/2023 20:42

Please don't use your age as an excuse. A "young mum" would be a teenager. You need to face it as an adult.

She was replying to a PP's question regarding her age, not making an excuse.

letthemalldoone · 27/03/2023 20:47

Newuser82 · 27/03/2023 20:39

To be fair although I would certainly leave my husband if anything like this happened I can't say I wouldn't struggle to come to terms with the loss of my relationship also and the fact that the man I loved could behave like this.

Show quote history

Give her a chance - it's only been a few days!

saraclara · 27/03/2023 20:50

If there's ever a subject where people should read the OP's posts CAREFULLY and make sure they've understood them in context before replying, this is one.

Replying having skim read and through a red mist, is incredibly unhelpful and often end up being cruel @onetimenamec . You're in a lot of company, sadly.

Desmondo2021 · 27/03/2023 20:50

Goodness me, some people are so dreadfully unkind.

OP for what it's worth I used to be a child abuse investigator with the Police. It sounds like you have acted entirely protectively and that once SS have completely their initial assessment (providing he doesn't deny the offence and muddy the waters) I am confident you will be able to start rebuilding your life after this enormous shock. I am so sorry you are going for this. I can only begin to imagine how horrendous the last few days have been and well done for being strong.

To everyone else who couldn't be bothered to read the threads properly and just jumped on the excitable finger pointing scaremongering band wagon to someone going through the toughest days of life, shame on you.

anyolddinosaur · 27/03/2023 20:51

I'm sorry you are going through this. Obviously if your partner has showed no violent tendencies before this has come as a great shock. To be fair it will probably be a shock and a horror to his parents too. However you must accept that he can never be near your son again if there is any way you can avoid it.

Social services are likely to understand your shock as long as it's also quite clear that you are horrified and have no intention of making any sort of excuse for him. You've done the right things so far, dont weaken however much remorse he expresses, in fact best to say you dont want to hear from him.

carriedout · 27/03/2023 20:56

Morningcoffeeview · 27/03/2023 20:40

Oh totally.

But that sentence is present tense. She still hasn’t accepted he is unequivocally aggressive.

Show quote history

-She reported him to the police.

It is NORMAL to struggle to process shocking things. The op did the right thing, but it presumably feels unreal that it is happening at all.

Wife2b · 27/03/2023 20:57

juniper16 · 27/03/2023 20:42

Little bit too presumptuous and potential scare-mongering... best not to imply what orders and contact arrangements will be made at this stage until you are the allocated worker discussing this multiagency. 11 week old, could be breastfed, could be full of positives re care of mother and attachment, could be evidenced (as it seems) mum is not presenting a risk and doing / done all she can to protect since noticed concerns; why separate children from mum if can manage safely whilst outside investigation continues...

Show quote history

Fair enough, although I would say more realistic than scaremongering.

Autienotnautie · 27/03/2023 21:03

I hope your ok op. Be kind to yourself, your ex partner is responsible for this, you didn't know he had hurt your baby and when you did you acted. I agree he should not be allowed to see him. Hopefully he won't get opportunity. Work with ss, do everything they ask even if you feel you don't need it. And hopefully soon you will be home. You could contact your local womens centre as there are courses available for women to recognise red flags. It may be there were no signs but a course like that might give you a deeper understanding

LimeCheesecake · 27/03/2023 21:04

OP, this sounds horrific and I want to echo the PP who said well done on the way you’ve acted.

is there space to stay long term at your mums? If SS are happy for you all to be there, then that’s good. I can see why you’d prefer to be in your own home, but this is the best for everyone.

Do let your mum look after you too. Try to eat something and drink water - making yourself sick won’t help, your kids will need you to be strong.

OctopusComplex · 27/03/2023 21:05

It’s like wading through the red-tops, ffs. The EVIL! The monster! SHE did nothing wrong. She would not be on here if she truly knew what he was like.

OP, glad you have your mum. One sane female can help a lot.

RandomMess · 27/03/2023 21:10

I am so sorry that this happened to your DS and you.

I hope your son recovers very quickly and your Mum is able to give you the emotional support you need to come to terms with what happened.

Flowers
BubziOwl · 27/03/2023 21:21

Puppers · 27/03/2023 17:05

There are some appalling responses on here.

On the face of it, OP is someone who has a history of becoming involved with abusive men and would benefit from some professional help to break this cycle. Despite this, she has done the right thing. She fought to stop her daughter's abusive father from having access to her, and she immediately called the police and ended the relationship with her son's father in light of this abusive incident. And yet here she is being questioned, spoken down to, treated with aggression and villified. On a parenting forum.

Is it really any wonder that domestic violence is so hard to escape and so hard to seek support for? When victims come onto sites like this for support from other parents and have their language picked apart, past threads dug up (and completely misconstrued) and are made to feel responsible?

Perfectly put. I cannot believe that so many people on this thread can truly have such poor reading comprehension, so I have to believe that they're in such haste to find a way to kick this poor woman while she's down that they don't actually stop to engage their brains.

OP, I have no knowledge of this sort of thing to give advice on, but I just wanted to send love to you and your children, I hope your little one recovers well and quickly Flowers

Crazyshihtzulady · 27/03/2023 21:22

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winterchills · 27/03/2023 21:23

Your poor baby! Don let this man anywhere near you or your kids every again.

Crazyshihtzulady · 27/03/2023 21:24

MulletAndMustache · 27/03/2023 14:04

Clearly he is an aggressive person. Fucking hell, this is so distressing to read. Honestly, I’d want to kill that bastard, yet you’re talking about supervised access. Is this real? Ffs.

Right?!

I wish to GOD I'd never clicked on this!

BubziOwl · 27/03/2023 21:26

@Crazyshihtzulady I wish to GOD that you knew how to read

letthemalldoone · 27/03/2023 21:27

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Did you actually just post that???? Appalling!

letthemalldoone · 27/03/2023 21:28

Crazyshihtzulady · 27/03/2023 21:24

Right?!

I wish to GOD I'd never clicked on this!

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I wish to god you never had either.

Your attention seeking dramatic posts are helping no-one.

piedbeauty · 27/03/2023 21:28

socialworkme · 27/03/2023 15:06

For other posters, please treat this parent with kindness and understanding. She has had a horrendous shock and will still be processing this.
She's done the right thing and taken action.

Please don't bully or abuse her. Most of you will have absolutely no idea what she is going through so just leave it.

Agree. I'm horrified by the number of sanctimonious, victim-blaming idiots on here. OP is not to blame. She's not psychic. If her p has never been violent before, then how is she to know he could do this?

I wish people would stop and think and use a bit of empathy before they post.

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