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Original poster

Sons dad fractured 3 of my sons ribs

483 replies

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 13:57

Looking for advice,

Long one, on Wednesday morning I noticed my baby was unsettled and had a cut on his ear, he was grunting and I noticed a bruise on his hand, I took him to GP and she called social services, we where referred to hospital for suspected child abuse, I really thought some sort of freak accident happened, I never suspected my then partner ( sons dad ) at the time at all, however scans revealed 3 fractured ribs, on Saturday my sons dad told me he thinks he's done this out of a moment of frustration as he couldn't settle our son... he squeezed him, we told the police, the police arrested him yesterday morning, he is out and waiting to give another statement and charges

However social services have informed me today I am not aloud to be around my 2 children unsupervised, they will stay with my mum, I can't take them home or anything I am devestated as I haven't done this and told the police when my sons dad told me,

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person and really never suspected this, anyone know what will happen with social services will I get to take my children home eventually

OP posts:
MarchMadness23 · 27/03/2023 18:08

Redebs · 27/03/2023 14:35

If you had known he injured his baby, why didn't you call police straight away?
Even if the broken ribs weren't detected until you took baby to hospital (hospital? why not GP? Did you suspect something serious?) you still had a baby with a bruised hand and damaged ear. Those are extremely suspicious injuries in a baby that's not walking yet.

Show quote history

@Redebs

stop posting.

Go back and slowly read ALL of the OP's posts. Your comprehension of the situation is poor & you are making things worse.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 27/03/2023 18:15

Your whole world must have been turned upside down, your poor baby, and poor you and your other child. I'm glad your children are able to be with family members.
You seem to have had a couple of abusive relationships and I think women's aid could help you to unpick this side of things and understand why you are vulnerable to these men. The Freedom programme might help too.
As others have said, you and social services are on the same side in that you want your children to be safe. It probably doesn't seem that way just now though. Hopefully their investigation won't take too long.

Goodread1 · 27/03/2023 18:18

He could have murdered your son,

You Need to make sure you don't have anything to do with your violent Arsehole of a Partner,
Otherwise your child will be 💯 per cent taken away from you,

I was taken away and brought up in a series of children's homes,

I had a really traumatic nightmarish childhood in children's homes then Adopted too in a different Country,

My birth family did not want me to taken away away from them and adopted in a different country.

I had Complex Traumatic Post traumatic disorder from my experinces in growing up in children's homes,

I am nearly 50 years of age and still suffer from Severe Deppression ect,

i still feel a need to go into Therepies to heal from fucked up childhood, !

Just for you to have a think about , if your Partner wants to get in touch with you and see your child

HoranTheHawk · 27/03/2023 18:18

saraclara · 27/03/2023 17:50

You honestly think that women can't be nasty judgemental bitches? How long have you trodden this earth? (And how long have you been on mumsnet?)

I know we like to blame men for most things, but come on now...

Show quote history

Are you a man?

Floralnomad · 27/03/2023 18:21

@lockdownmummax are you allowed to stay at your mums with the children , if so I would imagine it will be sorted out and as long as you stay away from your partner . Best wishes , hope your baby gets well soon .

TheWitchingHour · 27/03/2023 18:21

Everyone else has said everything that’s needed to be said, however OP, it’s absolutely VITAL that on top of everything else you get some therapy for this, and if possible do the freedom program from a reputable source. Women’s aid.

letthemalldoone · 27/03/2023 18:22

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 14:01

@MaryKateDanaher
I will leave my partner, I have told him I don't trust him around them and it he doesn't get arrested and wants to see them it must be supervised but I'm presuming social work will decide that

You "will leave" your partner???!!! I'd have booted his sorry arse right out the door as soon as you discovered what the evil bastard had done!! 11 weeks???

Make no mistake - this sperm donor is aggressive and dangerous!

AdoraBell · 27/03/2023 18:22

OP cooperate with SS. As pp said it’s good that your children are with family.

COPPER3 · 27/03/2023 18:23

Tbh, I haven't read all the messages.
My God! This is a hard read. A tiny 11 week baby with broken ribs...
Shocking!
Have you got other children with this man?

How long had you known this vile human?

I just hope your children are safe and protected.

SerafinasGoose · 27/03/2023 18:25

Horrific. Worst thing I've read on Mumsnet, ever. And if OP's messages were this difficult even to read, I can't even conceive of how traumatic it must be to have to face this nightmare in reality. The shock must be unimaginable.

It's also sad for the people who have shared harrowing stories of their abusive childhoods on this thread. I was one of them, and because of this I know how easy it is to project. My own first response on looking at this thread was to do precisely that. But this isn't about us.

OP, you couldn't have foreseen this. As soon as you did see it you acted in all the right ways. The actions of this unspeakable monster were not your fault.

As far as advice goes, it's all been said before in relation to full cooperation with the Social Services, etc. All that's left to offer is solidarity from one mum to another who is clearly really suffering.

So sorry, OP.

SerafinasGoose · 27/03/2023 18:26

TheWitchingHour · 27/03/2023 18:21

Everyone else has said everything that’s needed to be said, however OP, it’s absolutely VITAL that on top of everything else you get some therapy for this, and if possible do the freedom program from a reputable source. Women’s aid.

Agreed. And I'd add to that by recommending trauma therapy, too. Properly targeted psychological therapy is likely needed here, ordinary counselling won't cut it for something like this.

GoodChat · 27/03/2023 18:27

AdoraBell · 27/03/2023 18:22

OP cooperate with SS. As pp said it’s good that your children are with family.

And that you're allowed to be with them if supervised. That suggests that they're just taking all the necessary precautions and you'll be allowed your children back when their investigation is complete.

thefamous5 · 27/03/2023 18:28

I hope you're ok & your baby heals quickly.

I really have no advice other than what everyone has said about co operating with police and social services and staying well away from this creature.

Have you got some good support in real life? Please reach out and ask if you need it - you've got a difficult few weeks and months ahead of you

MayThe4th · 27/03/2023 18:32

While it is good that the OP is leaving her DP the sad fact is that so many women don’t. And there have been so many threads on here over the years where social services have become involved and the woman is heartbroken and ends up wanting to stay with the father etc.

The sad fact is that most women don’t imediately leave because on the whole they’re conditioned into accepting this behaviour.

I don’t believe for a second that this is the first time the OP’s dp has lost his temper and been abusive. They will have been together over a year, there’s no way that his breaking this child’s ribs has come out of nowhere after so long. There will have been signs. Signs which may have been subtle enough for the OP not to take note of them, but there absolutely will have been signs that this man is abusive.

I just hope the OP can stay strong and stay away from this man.

Oysterbabe · 27/03/2023 18:34

I'm sorry you're going through this, what a shock. If there's a silver lining to be found, it could have been a lot worse.
Your ex doesn't get to see the children at all for the time being. Engage with social services and do whatever they need you to do.

Redebs · 27/03/2023 18:37

OP I seriously hope you get some help with your mental health. But I am concerned about what you have shared over the years on Mumsnet about your two children and their abusive, dangerous fathers.
I'm not blaming, but your children deserve to be safe.

KittyAlfred · 27/03/2023 18:37

Bruising in a non mobile baby is always non accidental injury (unless there is a blood clotting disorder or similar).
Injuries to chest, ear or neck in a child under 5 is usually non accidental.
It sounds as if this man has given his baby a real battering.

Well done for getting away OP. You’ll have to never see him again I think.

Abraxan · 27/03/2023 18:38

Redebs

Did you read that post on the thread you linked to?
In that post the op is taking about a previous partner who was abusive and being triggered by past issues in a new relationship.

At that point the op had no thoughts that the new partner was aggressive.

Tropicaliyes · 27/03/2023 18:38

@premicrois and @GoodChat I believe the question asked by @LavenderFields7 was asked because the OP keeps using “aloud” instead of “allowed” so it’s not like they are coming with a totally unrelated question from nowhere, it was a question regarding what the OP keeps saying and which one is meant to be used..

Redebs · 27/03/2023 18:40

MarchMadness23 · 27/03/2023 18:08

@Redebs

stop posting.

Go back and slowly read ALL of the OP's posts. Your comprehension of the situation is poor & you are making things worse.

Show quote history

I have read all of the OPs posts on Mumsnet, which is why I am extremely concerned for both her children.

Maray1967 · 27/03/2023 18:41

TuesdayJulyNever · 27/03/2023 16:29

OP what is your mum’s house like for you? Is it a place where you feel safe and supported?

You’ve mentioned wanting to get home with your babies to your own house. And I’m guessing the unwritten part of that sentence is “where I can keep them safe and heal, and this nightmare will be over”

But right now your need for your safe space is trumped by your dc’s need. Being at your dm’s will hopefully be a help to you, giving you the extra practical support and also moral support so you don’t lapse and allow your partner back. It makes it that much harder for him to try and force or cajole you. Lean into that support for now.

You need a time and space to focus and process and this time while your dc are with your dm might be exactly the support and help that you need. Try and see the positive in it.

But sometimes the seeds of our attraction to violent or abusive partners begins in childhood. If your mum isn’t a supportive character to you, do you have friends or other relatives who you can talk to? You have a lot to process and you need at least one person who believes in you and has your back.

Make it clear when you’re dealing with social workers that your dc being safe is your absolute top priority - not getting home, not your desire for unsupervised access. You can prove to them that the dc will be safe with you but always show willing to sacrifice whatever it takes for their safety.

The freedom program was mentioned earlier and it’s worth a look when you’re ready.

This is very good advice, OP. Your priority has to be your DC and social services need to see that. For now, that means proving that they are in what social services consider to be a safe space - your mums house. You may know that your home is safe but social services cannot be certain of that. You must not pressure them over this - that will not be interpreted well.
I hope little one recovers well and the vile man that hurt him is severely punished.

GoodChat · 27/03/2023 18:42

Tropicaliyes · 27/03/2023 18:38

@premicrois and @GoodChat I believe the question asked by @LavenderFields7 was asked because the OP keeps using “aloud” instead of “allowed” so it’s not like they are coming with a totally unrelated question from nowhere, it was a question regarding what the OP keeps saying and which one is meant to be used..

And I answered.

daisydaisy11 · 27/03/2023 18:43

What an evil monster. Don't even contemplate letting this pig near your poor children again. Now you need to protect them.

TheWelshposter · 27/03/2023 18:47

MulletAndMustache · 27/03/2023 14:04

Clearly he is an aggressive person. Fucking hell, this is so distressing to read. Honestly, I’d want to kill that bastard, yet you’re talking about supervised access. Is this real? Ffs.

My thoughts 100%. This is sickening 😢

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