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Original poster

Sons dad fractured 3 of my sons ribs

483 replies

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 13:57

Looking for advice,

Long one, on Wednesday morning I noticed my baby was unsettled and had a cut on his ear, he was grunting and I noticed a bruise on his hand, I took him to GP and she called social services, we where referred to hospital for suspected child abuse, I really thought some sort of freak accident happened, I never suspected my then partner ( sons dad ) at the time at all, however scans revealed 3 fractured ribs, on Saturday my sons dad told me he thinks he's done this out of a moment of frustration as he couldn't settle our son... he squeezed him, we told the police, the police arrested him yesterday morning, he is out and waiting to give another statement and charges

However social services have informed me today I am not aloud to be around my 2 children unsupervised, they will stay with my mum, I can't take them home or anything I am devestated as I haven't done this and told the police when my sons dad told me,

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person and really never suspected this, anyone know what will happen with social services will I get to take my children home eventually

OP posts:
menopausalbloat · 27/03/2023 17:23

Fkin hell. I wish I could give you a hug and a shoulder.
I hope you don't blame yourself as it sounds like you had no clue as to what this c*&t was capable of.

Untitledsquatboulder · 27/03/2023 17:25

BadAngel · 27/03/2023 16:50

The only person to blame is the monster who has done this.

However, as the daughter of a monster like that, and a mum who didn’t protect me from men like him, I think women like me just want OP to try to change her behaviours to help her and her kids. That’s the only thing women can power over, because they sure as fuck won’t change these bastard men.

Show quote history

Which behaviours should she change? The one where she seeks immediate medical attention for her child? The one where she cooperates with the authorities? I'm sorry for your experiences but they are nothing to do with the OP.

ArrrMeHearties · 27/03/2023 17:26

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Ffs there is absolutely no need to be posting that. Op has done all she can to cooperate with the authorities and has taken steps to ensure her ex doesn't get near her kids. She hasn't said she's welcoming him back with open arms after what has happened

AllOfThemWitches · 27/03/2023 17:26

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Yes, you are disgusting and despicable if you are blaming this woman for a violent, aggressive man's actions. I don't give a shiny shit what 'group' you think I'm in.

Lwrenagain · 27/03/2023 17:28

Some replies are fucking disgusting and I hate to imagine what cruel, venomous vile creatures you are in real life.

HoranTheHawk · 27/03/2023 17:30

Lwrenagain · 27/03/2023 17:28

Some replies are fucking disgusting and I hate to imagine what cruel, venomous vile creatures you are in real life.

I expect they’re bored teenage boys or grubby men in string vests surrounded by pizza boxes, dirty tissues and porn.

Abraxan · 27/03/2023 17:31

Redebs · 27/03/2023 14:31

Why are you even worried about your son having contact with his father at this point?
He might have killed him.

Probably because it won't necessarily be up to the OP.
It will be SS and/or the courts who decide, and the Op will be expected to abide by that.

I think the OP is just mulling over what may or may not happen in the future.

mrstrickland · 27/03/2023 17:32

I am glad to see more people are standing up for OP. There is some hideous victim blaming going on at a time when OP is at her most vulnerable.

Sassyfox · 27/03/2023 17:32

When my friends baby was killed by his dad she was also seen as a suspect and arrested and unable to have unsupervised contact with her other children.

She was also in complete shock.

Fortunately she was eventually proven to be completely innocent and able to have her kids back.

You will most likely have SS involvement for a while and you need to show them that this man isn’t coming to your home or being around the kids unsupervised.

There is the argument that when you are sleep deprived, depressed and the baby doesn’t stop screaming that you can snap and shake them etc (that wouldn’t have happened in this situation as it sounds like you do most of the parenting) but if that ever was to happen you would take them to the doctors straight after to get them check out (even if you lied and said they fell).

It is bad enough he did this but to wait until Saturday to say anything is just as awful and this would confirm my concerns that he cannot ever be alone with a child.

Snippit · 27/03/2023 17:32

This has been so difficult to read, my heart breaks for you. What an absolutely awful situation this is. I have no personal experience with anything like this, but I know what it’s like to love and protect your children. You’ll know deep down that you can never trust your partner again with your children. I wish you all the strength you’re going to need to get through this, what he’s done is unforgivable.

GoodChat · 27/03/2023 17:35

premicrois · 27/03/2023 17:07

@GoodChat

Let's face it, that poster wasn't concerned about their spelling. Just another way to kick someone when they are at a very low place already.

Nothing usually surprises me on here anymore but this thread has been a very very sad eye opener.

Ah you're probably right. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt but was probably being naive.

Lwrenagain · 27/03/2023 17:35

HoranTheHawk · 27/03/2023 17:30

I expect they’re bored teenage boys or grubby men in string vests surrounded by pizza boxes, dirty tissues and porn.

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Let's fucking hope, because if its actual women then it's even more depressing x

DotAndCarryOne2 · 27/03/2023 17:38

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What thread are you on, because it clearly isn’t this one. No child has died and the OP has been blindsided by her partners’ behaviour - hence the statement that ‘he is not an aggressive person’. She knows better now and has made it clear in multiple posts that he is no longer with her and the police have collected his house keys and returned them to her. To attack someone like this when they are at their lowest ebb and have posted for advice on what is supposed to be a support site, and to express the hope that she loses her children as a result of something that was beyond her control, is about the lowest you can get. Reporting your post, and I won’t be the only one. I hope they kick you off permanently, you’re a dick.

Abraxan · 27/03/2023 17:46

A lot of posters seem to be very very aggressive in their comments to the OP.

Using aggression, even if verbal, isn't appropriate towards the Op - even more so when you're using aggression to condemn aggression, but blaming the wrong person.

A lot of posters appear to have poor comprehension skills too.

The OP did not cause this. They are not to blame.

The Op took her baby for medical attention as soon as she knew baby was in pain.

The OP reported the incident to the police as soon as she was aware of what her ex partner had done.

The OP has already said she will be leaving her partner. Infact she already has - he is living elsewhere and isn't in contact. But obviously a full official separation takes a little more time as presumably accommodation and finances will need untangling, etc. I suspect that is why the op used the horse she did.

The op is taking advice and is mulling over issues that may occur in the future. This is a very normal thing to do, especially if you're laid awake stressing over stuff and in a state of shock. Some posters might like to throw out comments like 'he'd never see them again if it was me' - but, quite rightly, the op is thinking further than that. It won't be her choice. These are things that will be decided legally and the op will need to abide by them.

People really do need to think hard about their own behaviour. Some of it on this thread has been shocking - appalling behaviour in some cases.

BadAngel · 27/03/2023 17:48

Untitledsquatboulder · 27/03/2023 17:25

Which behaviours should she change? The one where she seeks immediate medical attention for her child? The one where she cooperates with the authorities? I'm sorry for your experiences but they are nothing to do with the OP.

Show quote history

Again, there is only one person responsible for this. This man is an utter bastard.

But some people have recommended the freedom programme, which in time, when her little boy is healed, may be helpful. Learning to spot red flags earlier and understand abuse and it’s effects, may make her less vulnerable to men like this, of which she now has 2 as fathers of her children.

It’s not victim blaming to point out things that can help OP to help herself and in turn her children. Unfortunately, as women, we have to be guarded and alert to this stuff. I wish it was different.

I’m a child of an abuser. I don’t want other women and children to suffer. Men are the problem but other than bringing my son up well, I have no input. On mumsnet, when women post, as well as give support, we can hopefully help them to break the cycle that they may be in, through no fault of their own. The important thing is that it is broken do that hopefully OP and her children can be together and be safe.

saraclara · 27/03/2023 17:50

HoranTheHawk · 27/03/2023 17:30

I expect they’re bored teenage boys or grubby men in string vests surrounded by pizza boxes, dirty tissues and porn.

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You honestly think that women can't be nasty judgemental bitches? How long have you trodden this earth? (And how long have you been on mumsnet?)

I know we like to blame men for most things, but come on now...

Stravawindow · 27/03/2023 17:50

This thread proves how utterly disgusting people are on Mumsnet at times. Victim blaming and not reading posts properly.

OP, I hope you are alright. More importantly I hope your DC are ok and recovery is quick.

saraclara · 27/03/2023 17:51

BadAngel · 27/03/2023 17:48

Again, there is only one person responsible for this. This man is an utter bastard.

But some people have recommended the freedom programme, which in time, when her little boy is healed, may be helpful. Learning to spot red flags earlier and understand abuse and it’s effects, may make her less vulnerable to men like this, of which she now has 2 as fathers of her children.

It’s not victim blaming to point out things that can help OP to help herself and in turn her children. Unfortunately, as women, we have to be guarded and alert to this stuff. I wish it was different.

I’m a child of an abuser. I don’t want other women and children to suffer. Men are the problem but other than bringing my son up well, I have no input. On mumsnet, when women post, as well as give support, we can hopefully help them to break the cycle that they may be in, through no fault of their own. The important thing is that it is broken do that hopefully OP and her children can be together and be safe.

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Yes, but you pick your time. Now isn't the moment.

KnittingNeedles · 27/03/2023 17:54

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person

You are doing the right thing by getting him well away from you and any other children. He's just demonstrated that he is very much an aggressive person. Hope you have somewhere safe to go.

Stuck999 · 27/03/2023 17:57

Those of you piling onto the OP are disgusting. How can you hear her circumstances and want to do anything other than embrace her and offer a hand hold.

You are vile.

OP I'm so sorry. Your post reduced me to tears. I can't imagine what you're going through at the moment. I hope your little boy recovers well and never has to be in the presence of that piece of shit again.

Sending love to you ❤️

Kennykenkencat · 27/03/2023 17:59

I’m a child of an abuser. I don’t want other women and children to suffer. Men are the problem

In my case it was my mother

Emdubz · 27/03/2023 18:00

OP you did everything you should do in the circumstances you were in. Do not waste your time on the posts by people who clearly can’t or won’t take time to properly read your posts and understand the timeline of events.

Your worries and questions about future access are valid and are what any sensible person would be trying to get information on.

Keep doing what you are doing: being open and honest and putting your baby boy first. Big hugs to you.

Strawberrypicnic · 27/03/2023 18:00

Just wanted to send support, you've been very patient in repeatedly clarifying the timeline. Please ignore the people who can't be bothered to read properly. Hope your baby is feeling better soon.

BadAngel · 27/03/2023 18:05

Kennykenkencat · 27/03/2023 17:59

I’m a child of an abuser. I don’t want other women and children to suffer. Men are the problem

In my case it was my mother

In society, it is largely men that are the problem though. I presume you’re not disagreeing with that.

My mum enabled my dad to abuse me so I’m not saying woman=good.

ScotchOnTheRocksWithATwist · 27/03/2023 18:07

HoranTheHawk · 27/03/2023 17:30

I expect they’re bored teenage boys or grubby men in string vests surrounded by pizza boxes, dirty tissues and porn.

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I doubt it. Bunch of sanctimonious bitches more like