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Original poster

Sons dad fractured 3 of my sons ribs

483 replies

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 13:57

Looking for advice,

Long one, on Wednesday morning I noticed my baby was unsettled and had a cut on his ear, he was grunting and I noticed a bruise on his hand, I took him to GP and she called social services, we where referred to hospital for suspected child abuse, I really thought some sort of freak accident happened, I never suspected my then partner ( sons dad ) at the time at all, however scans revealed 3 fractured ribs, on Saturday my sons dad told me he thinks he's done this out of a moment of frustration as he couldn't settle our son... he squeezed him, we told the police, the police arrested him yesterday morning, he is out and waiting to give another statement and charges

However social services have informed me today I am not aloud to be around my 2 children unsupervised, they will stay with my mum, I can't take them home or anything I am devestated as I haven't done this and told the police when my sons dad told me,

I am also struggling to come to terms with this as my sons dad is not an aggressive person and really never suspected this, anyone know what will happen with social services will I get to take my children home eventually

OP posts:
Ireolu · 27/03/2023 18:52

So grateful for the GP who spotted the non accidental injury. Please protect your children OP.

Zola1 · 27/03/2023 18:54

Oh, OP. What an awful situation.
I'm not surprised that you feel you are in shock. You have done the right things so far. It is so hard to come to terms with the fact someone you loved and thought you knew would ever do something as horrific as this.
You're trying to cope with the trauma to your son, the stress of having a little baby unwell, the anger and confusion towards his dad, the anxiety and fear of social workers being involved, and the grief for your children not being in your care. Take some deep breaths.
Your children need you to be well, and to be in a good place to be their Mum. What positive steps can you take, to show you are ending the relationship and have no intention of allowing him back? You need to be able to prove you had no idea there was any physical abuse, you need to except that sons father is a bastard who never deserves to be near a kid again, and you need to show you are strong and trying to figure out what went wrong.
In relation to contact.. tell him to sing for it. Tell him you're exercising your parental responsibility to safeguard your child and if he thinks you're wrong he's welcome to seek legal advice. 99 percent sure he won't bother.

Newnamefor23 · 27/03/2023 18:55

“……. as my sons dad is not an aggressive person ……..”

3 broken ribs says he is. Or at the very least can’t control his temper.

Not a happy recipe for a happy, safe and secure future for you or your children.

Time for a big rethink, time to work with social services if you want to bring your children up yourself.

Tropicaliyes · 27/03/2023 18:56

@GoodChat yes you answered but the first didn’t but you both (and another poster) seemed to not understand why the question was being asked as if they had randomly come up with the question on such a heartbreaking thread.. There was a relevance and this was the place to ask as this is where it had come up.. That’s all I was saying.

Zola1 · 27/03/2023 18:57

MulletAndMustache · 27/03/2023 14:52

im impressed you’ve immediately told the police when he told you, that was a brave thing to do. I hope your mums supporting you.

Ffs impressed? There was no other option. A baby has been abused. Wtaf?

You shouldn't minimise what the OP has done to safeguard her children. Believe me, there are plenty of mothers out there who wouldn't have taken decisive action like OP has. I do this for a job.

MarchMadness23 · 27/03/2023 18:57

LavenderFields7 · 27/03/2023 16:32

Sorry minor question, but is it “allowed” or “aloud”? I’m questioning if I’ve been using the wrong word all my life 😟

@LavenderFields7

FFS.

Go & Google if you really don't know. Scoring cheap points at the OP's cost is pathetic & nasty.

Ukrainebaby23 · 27/03/2023 18:58

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 16:13

@NormaTheWife

it's hard watching him like this, I do see improvements though which I am glad about, I have been asking doctors lots of questions about this they said they would heal themselves quite quickly and I have to handle him as normal but I am scared any time I am picking him up...
He has to return for a scan in 2 weeks to see if they are healing

Hesitating posting this, am very sorry you are having to go through this, must be horrendous, hope baby recovery is speedy and complete. I'm in no way on his side, and ifs he's done this, deliberately or not, he must face the consequences.

But if u didn't see the aggressive side, and its blindsided you a bit, and he's always seemed a good bloke, is there any chance, the now ex Dp is covering for someone else? Especially as cut to baby's ear is unexplained. It does happen where an adult will take the blame for a child?

Again , to be clear I fervently abhor any injury to a child through aggression or neglect but it's important the true story comes out, and sadly investigators don't always look outside the obvious.

Ukrainebaby23 · 27/03/2023 19:02

Zola1 · 27/03/2023 18:57

You shouldn't minimise what the OP has done to safeguard her children. Believe me, there are plenty of mothers out there who wouldn't have taken decisive action like OP has. I do this for a job.

Show quote history

Absolutely, OP has been very strong and brave and should be applauded for taking immediate action on being told the cause.

I'm on the sidelines of seeing it in my work, I know the heartache that goes with this. Op not only has to face consequences of looking after sick child but now has to do it without the person who should be her support.

MayThe4th · 27/03/2023 19:05

Abraxan · 27/03/2023 18:38

Redebs

Did you read that post on the thread you linked to?
In that post the op is taking about a previous partner who was abusive and being triggered by past issues in a new relationship.

At that point the op had no thoughts that the new partner was aggressive.

Actually though in that post the OP said that she was reactive, that she was afraid that something was going to happen. So although she didn’t know he was aggressive, she had a gut feeling which due to her previous experiences she had quashed.

That gut feeing is important.

OP didn’t know then what she knows now. But it says something about the OP’s thinking that she knew deep down something was amiss.

That’s not going to change what happened, but it will hopefully help the OP going forward.

BadAngel · 27/03/2023 19:06

Ukrainebaby23 · 27/03/2023 19:02

Absolutely, OP has been very strong and brave and should be applauded for taking immediate action on being told the cause.

I'm on the sidelines of seeing it in my work, I know the heartache that goes with this. Op not only has to face consequences of looking after sick child but now has to do it without the person who should be her support.

Show quote history

I don’t agree. If you protect a child abusing monster, you’re a monster too. My mum was. And as I got older I was told not to tell anyone either. Thank fuck I didn’t listen.

Oysterbabe · 27/03/2023 19:07

LavenderFields7 · 27/03/2023 16:32

Sorry minor question, but is it “allowed” or “aloud”? I’m questioning if I’ve been using the wrong word all my life 😟

There seriously aren't words for how pathetic this post is.

MavisMcMinty · 27/03/2023 19:08

Babies’ bones are soft and bendy, it usually takes great force to break them.

JudgeRudy · 27/03/2023 19:09

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 14:08

Hope this isn't real. You're excusing him.

What do you mean he won't remember it? It'll affect him for the rest of his life in a variety of ways. How old is his sibling? It'll affect them too.

I'd be fighting tooth and nail to make sure he wasn't anywhere near them ever again. You're communicating with him and planning access to them for him! Jesus Christ. Those poor kids.

Not aggressive?! He's evil.

I think it's unfair to say OP is excusing him. The poor woman has complied with Social Services and the Police and taken action to ensure her childrens future safety. She's in shock. I think it's clear that what she means is he's shown no signs of aggression in the past and she had no reason to suspect he was a danger to her children. Her children have been harmed and her OH is not the man she thought he was. What a sickening thing to be going through

MavisMcMinty · 27/03/2023 19:10

Babies’ bones are soft and bendy, it usually takes great force to break them.

Sorry, reading that back it sounds like it’s from my own experience of trying to break babies’ bones.

saraclara · 27/03/2023 19:13

Kennykenkencat · 27/03/2023 17:59

I’m a child of an abuser. I don’t want other women and children to suffer. Men are the problem

In my case it was my mother

Same here. It's why I'm frequently found here challenging those who always give women the benefit of the doubt.

Franticbutterfly · 27/03/2023 19:15

Having read through most of this thread I'm horrified at the unkind responses, and also taken aback by how triggered many are despite the fact that the OP has done everything that she should have.

I wish you all the best OP. What a terrible situation your find yourself in.

usernamechanged1 · 27/03/2023 19:15

11 weeks old. Jesus Christ.

I hope that fucking animal of a partner of yours gets his face booted in every single day for however long he’s jailed. Dirty subhuman bastard.

gkhg · 27/03/2023 19:17

lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 14:18

@TrainersAltonTowersWontKill

Hi sorry I think there has been a misunderstanding I'm not planning access for him, I am just saying if he was aloud to see baby which I don't think will be for a very long time but might be a possibility eventually as I have spoke to a lawyer then it would have to be supervised

Fair enough OP. I would think you would want to fight against that, and you would definitely win that fight.

usernamechanged1 · 27/03/2023 19:17

For you, OP, fight like hell to keep this man away from your children forever. No matter what he says, don’t let him back in.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation, it must be dreadful.

housequestion1 · 27/03/2023 19:19

Jesus. That's why midwives/health visitors tell you it's okay to leave a crying baby alone for 5 minutes while you leave the room , as long as it's in safe place.

saraclara · 27/03/2023 19:19

BadAngel · 27/03/2023 19:06

I don’t agree. If you protect a child abusing monster, you’re a monster too. My mum was. And as I got older I was told not to tell anyone either. Thank fuck I didn’t listen.

Show quote history

She has not protected him in any way, at any point. She immediately called the police, she took her children (and herself) to her mothers, and is cooperating with all services involved.

The comment about him not being aggressive was simply to reinstate that this was something she never expected from him. She clearly meant that he had never been aggressive up until then, but expecting a traumatised mother to express herself to the highest levels of articulacy is entirely unreasonable.

saraclara · 27/03/2023 19:20

Reinstate? Thanks autocorrect. Reiterate.

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 27/03/2023 19:24

Hi everyone,

Thank you for all the advice, I am just ignoring the unkind comments now, I agree my choice in men must be bad as I really did not expect this from my sons dad? I feel since I have been through an abusive relationship where the abuse towards myself wasn't just a 1 time thing it was on gojng I thought I would have recognised it

sons dad is saying he squeezed him in a moment of frustration... I have asked child protection doctor if this could have caused ribs and bruises she said yes, I am just hoping the police investigation will reveal the truth I feel I need it to try and move on from this

I will be seeking therapy as I know I am going to struggle with this,

OP posts:
sunshinerobots · 27/03/2023 19:24

Its possible that the second set of xrays will show up more fractures. That is why they do them around 10 days after the first, as fractures on little ones dont always show up immediately.

It's likely children's services will apply to court for a care order. They will ask the judge to decide where the children live. Having your mum as support and able to supervise is a big plus for you. There should be no reason why the children can't return home to your care with your mum supervising while they complete parenting assessments. There will already be a child protection investigation ongoing (S47) and they are likely to be placed on child protect plans.

My advice? Work with your social worker. Any recommendations they make, do it. Be open and honest. You have a long road ahead and it is likely that the police investigation and the care proceedings will take months. You are entitled to free legal representation if they decide to issue care proceedings. Get recommendations for lawyers.

Anything that is likely to come up - declare it now. They will speak to your children alone, check health records, police checks, school etc. So best to be honest.

MarchMadness23 · 27/03/2023 19:25

Tropicaliyes · 27/03/2023 18:56

@GoodChat yes you answered but the first didn’t but you both (and another poster) seemed to not understand why the question was being asked as if they had randomly come up with the question on such a heartbreaking thread.. There was a relevance and this was the place to ask as this is where it had come up.. That’s all I was saying.

@Tropicaliyes

no, it was 'entirely' because that poster was picking on the OP for using aloud when it should be allowed.

it's unnecessary to be a pedantic twat at the best of times, let alone on a thread like this.

the OP has FAR bigger worries than to use use the correct allowed FFS.