abuse worries in new healthy relationship?

[lockdownmummax]

hi there,

hoping for some advice,

I have a nearly 3 year old to a man who was emotionally abusive towards me it turned physical and I got out thankfully,
Unfortunately the anxiety has carried into my relationship just now,
My now partner is a lovely guy, he doesn't call me names, doesn't shout when he's angry, he's caring and honest, he also treats my daughter like his own
I am pregnant with my new partners child, he is really excited about this and has been really supportive through out the pregnancy from getting me my crazy cravings to taking my daughter to the park ect to let me get some rest, im also doing a nursing degree which he is very supportive with so I don't have any reasons to feel like this?

we do have some bickers which are normal, there's no shouting or anything involved but afterwards I find myself getting extremely anxious, on one occasion we had a small silly bicker and I headed upstairs, he came up stairs with his charger and it was dark I never seen what was in his hand and thought it was a knife and had a panic attack
( my precious relationship after an argument and lots of name calling my ex came in with a knife and threatened to kill me and my dad if I called for help whilst throwing my phone away) I think this is where the anxiety came from

When I was pregnant with my first child my ex cheated numerous times and said it was because I wasn't attractive enough, the abuse got worse during my pregnancy

Since becoming pregnant I have been really anxious and worried my partner doesn't find me attractive and all my worries are just racing through my mind, I have spoke to him about this and he cried saying he hates that I'm feeling like that and asked what he can do to help but I'm not sure?

I feel like I'm pushing him away because I'm always worrying about stuff that he isn't causing, any advice?

I'm so sorry to hear that. That's just awful. Get counseling you need your mental health back

Have you had counseling? You can self refer with first step.

You definitely need counselling OP. I feel so sorry for you both. It’s not your fault and it’s not his. Hug each other and decide you are going to get support and get through this and love your lives

I do this too. I push people away. If they won't go away, I start being mean to them so that they will go. I prefer to be in control of their leaving, so if I push them away, then I know they're going to leave.

It's fear for me. Fear of being hurt; fear of being abused; fear of being heartbroken; fear I won't survive alone; fear of being rejected.
If you figure out how to cope with it, let me know. For me, distracting myself works the best. Distraction (for me only) is being physically active, going out around the shops, going to the gym. I know that distraction for other people is a glass of wine and a bath or a book.
I'm struggling massively with my mental health these days and I'm very vulnerable. I'm aware too that I'm in a lot of pain and in a lot of fear and that I can be nasty to people.

The other thing that I find takes the strain off me is knowing that I'm financially on sound footing (on my own). It means I'm not desperately clawing out for people to save me from drowning.

It's not uncommon to be triggered by past abuse in a new relationship. Have you been with your partner long? Do you feel emotionally safe to discuss this with him?