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Original poster

Husband pushed 4 year old over who fell and banged his head

372 replies

Wishbub · 20/03/2023 17:54

Not sure this is the right page, but i really don't know what to do. Husband has a bad temper which mainly results in shouting and some hitting of our 4 year old. Today was the worst, my son fell and banged his head, he now had a large lump on the back of his head.

I told my husband that this is physical abuse of a child, which he ridiculed, saying it was just an accident. I told him I have to protect our son, so he's said that he'll kill himself and be out of our way.

I'm currently breast feeding a small baby and feeling incredibly unwell, I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
User1438423 · 20/03/2023 18:54

OP, if your son tells someone else and you are investigated without reporting it yourself or removing him from his father, you will be deemed incapable of protecting him.

Also imagine what would happen if you didn't report this and then you split up later on, he'd be allowed unsupervised contact with the children.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 20/03/2023 18:54

Please take your wee one to the hospital to get checked out. Contact women's aid to see if they can get you emergency accommodation or signpost to a partner agency so you can go from the hospital to a place of safety. Then report him - it is physical abuse to an innocent child. Even if you feel you can't leave, you need to safeguard yourself and your child, women's aid can help here.

Nicecow · 20/03/2023 18:55

You have to leave, you have no other option. You can't allow for your children to be assaulted, and if they grow up like this, they are likely to continue to be in this cycle, it could continue for generations unless you stop it. The other scenario is that one of them gets badly hurt and dies. Hard to hear, but a possibility if you choose to remain in this relationship

StewPots · 20/03/2023 18:55

This is absolutely disgusting. A & E NOW for your poor little boy and whilst there call the police and inform the Drs, nurses, anyone who works at the hospital in fact what’s been happening.

This is child abuse - plain and simple. And sadly if you do not act you will be seen as complicit in the abuse. What about the next time he hits this poor boy and it leads to something even worse?!

I know you’re feeling scared and vulnerable OP but this little lad depends on YOU to keep him safe and it’s your job to do so. Leave now and get to a place of safety - doesn’t matter where - and get the police involved.

And as for this pathetic fucking waste of space saying he will kill himself - he won’t. But even if he did that’s on him, not you, and there will be one less abusive twat in the world.

Sarahcoggles · 20/03/2023 18:55

Puppers · 20/03/2023 18:37

Also, social services will rightly expect you to keep your child safe. At some point this abuse will require an ambulance or worse, or be picked up at school or the GP or when your child makes a disclosure to an adult. If it comes to light that you have allowed this abuse to continue unchecked and unreported, you could quite seriously lose both of your children. I absolutely guarantee that no man on earth is worth that.

Exactly what I was thinking. A lot of women who lose their kids do so because they stay with a violent partner. You need to prove that you are not one of those women.

Daysoffarethebest · 20/03/2023 18:56

Alternative accommodation should not be needed, police should arrest him and he can be prevented from returning to the family home on his release.
This is important as the need to find other housing might put OP off reporting.

Miscellaneousme · 20/03/2023 18:56

Can you get to A&E OP or call the police?

IllogicalLogic · 20/03/2023 18:56

OP, the part of you that might be reeling in disbelief needs to know that if you don't report it now and get your child checked over, you will be seen as a concern to social services because you neglected to do anything.

When it next happens and you mention it happened once before but you did nothing, it will go against you.

He might even mention it (my ex did, in court).

It is not worth giving the Dad a second chance because it will happen again.

And if he goes for 50:50 your children are vulnerable without your protection. You need to protect them now while you have good hand. Seriously.

Also, more importantly, a knock like that could be very serious and it might not you you don't know until you check it out. Don't leave it too late.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/03/2023 18:56

I read a story recently where a little boy ended up in intensive care after hitting his head on the kitchen floor...

You have to protect your children and leave.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 20/03/2023 18:56

I'm very sorry, OP. This is awful.

You need to protect your children. You owe it to them and you owe it to yourself as well... you will risk losing them otherwise.

Don't allow yourself to be manipulated by his threats about suicide. You aren't responsible for his actions. You are responsible for keeping your children safe.

Have you got a trusted friend or family member who can help you? Or can you go to a hotel? Women's shelter if no other option?

Get out now, and report your husband to the police tonight. And get some medical attention for your poor little boy...head injuries can be serious.

Take care. Flowers

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 20/03/2023 18:57

Your husband psychically abused your child. And you let him… not for the first time by the sound of it either. I would have serious doubts about the ability of either of you to protectively parent your child. Why on earth would you stay with a man who has done this to your child?!?

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/03/2023 18:57

I've just re-read it and he has hit your son before. I think in the sort of case you need to make the absolute most of this now and take your child to the hospital and report your husband to the police. There may not be a next time for this, think of all the times you've read about child deaths in the news.

Thesharkradar · 20/03/2023 18:57

Please act OP, you may be a bit numb and possibly traumatized because of the stress of living with a violent abuser, this can leave you permanently in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode...what I mean is it's hard to process and think properly because you are constantly in fear of him.

jibbe · 20/03/2023 18:58

its your call stay ignore and potentially be an accomplice if one of your children is seriously/fatally injured resulting in a prison sentence which you both will deserve or do what everyone is telling you to

Prescottdanni123 · 20/03/2023 18:58

You need to leave. If friends and family are too far away, there are charities/help lines that can provide aid. Or just call the police.

I really don't want to scare you, but as another poster as said, if you don't get your son checked and there is complications, you will be seen to be protecting your husband and therefore complicit.

Your husband won't kill himself. He is making empty threats to try to control you.

Inject · 20/03/2023 18:58

If that pathetic man wants to kill himself well that's his issue. Stop being pathetic and take your kid to the hospital that is more important. Then ring the police and ask them to press charges of assault against the worm as your child is being abused by him constantly. Then let the police know the worm has threatened to kill himself.

Nutrinerd · 20/03/2023 19:00

You need to go to A&E tonight where it is likely that they would want to do a scan of your son’s head (NICE guidelines) and check him over for other injuries given what you have said. I know the logistics of that when you have a tiny baby and no friends nearby may seem incredibly difficult, but you need to protect your son’s health. You would be entirely reasonable to be calling the police/ambulance.

NCforHairC · 20/03/2023 19:00

This will (already is) escalate. Please get him out now for the sake of your son and baby.

EasternEcho · 20/03/2023 19:00

He will never kill himself, but he might just end up killing your child if you let this abuse continue. You must get your child checked out at the hospital now and report him!

ladydimitrescu · 20/03/2023 19:01

"Some hitting"?!
Your child is being abused. You need to get him to a hospital, and tell them everything. Get your children away from him before he kills one of them.

Twilight7777 · 20/03/2023 19:03

if you don’t get the police on your husband you are likely to find yourself in the same investigation and likely to be prosecuted for neglect. Very likely you would lose your son to social services

Haffiana · 20/03/2023 19:03

Husband has a bad temper which mainly results in shouting and some hitting of our 4 year old.

Fucking hell OP. Find your inner tigress and protect your child. Why are you pissing around telling him what you think he is as if it is merely something to complain about? You need to ACT.

Sleepless1096 · 20/03/2023 19:03

A&E and call the police. Besides anything else, your son has a head injury and needs checking over for concussion otherwise it's neglect.

You need to get him out. Violence of this sort only escalates. Eventually your husband will kill or seriously injure one of your children. And you'll be facing charges of child cruelty/causing and allowing the death of a child for not protecting them.

LuluLehman · 20/03/2023 19:03

Hintofreality · 20/03/2023 18:13

Have you called the police?

I am sat here worried about a child I don’t even know, and I guess others are as well.

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Yes, this is incredibly upsetting.

OP, when you are in a safe place and when you get a moment please let us know how things are going.

pettysquabbles · 20/03/2023 19:04

Take your sone to A&E to get his head injury checked. Disclose the violence while you;re there and the staff will get the safeguarding ball rolling.

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