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Original poster

Husband pushed 4 year old over who fell and banged his head

372 replies

Wishbub · 20/03/2023 17:54

Not sure this is the right page, but i really don't know what to do. Husband has a bad temper which mainly results in shouting and some hitting of our 4 year old. Today was the worst, my son fell and banged his head, he now had a large lump on the back of his head.

I told my husband that this is physical abuse of a child, which he ridiculed, saying it was just an accident. I told him I have to protect our son, so he's said that he'll kill himself and be out of our way.

I'm currently breast feeding a small baby and feeling incredibly unwell, I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
JFDIYOLO · 20/03/2023 19:04

Take your child and baby to hospital for checkups. Address any urgent need for treatment.

With their support, call the police to you at the hospital and make a statement.

State he is a danger to children because of what he has done not only once

And that he is a danger to himself for what he's threatening to do.

He is an abusive, violent, coercive controller using threats to frighten and unsettle you.

I'm sorry this has happened when you are at your most vulnerable with a new baby.

Your children are 💯 vulnerable.

And it's your duty now to protect them. And yourself. You need help. Please follow our advice.

Justmeandthedog1 · 20/03/2023 19:05

And don’t worry about family being far away —- you will get help once you speak out. You can call 999 and press ‘5’ on your phone repeatedly if you can’t speak.

SoHereBesMe · 20/03/2023 19:06

I have a 4 year old son.
The thought of anyone, least of all my DH hitting him is unthinkable. The thought that it would be DH... nope. You need to get you and your precious children out of there. For your sake and theirs.
Would you stay quiet if it was someone else who hurt him? A teacher, an uncle, a family friend? Being a father or step father doesn't give him the right to hurt a defenceless 4 year old boy 🥺

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/03/2023 19:08

I hope the OP is not replying because they're busy speaking to the police and taking the child to get checked out.

Could people avoid confidently stating to the OP that her abusive partner will not kill himself though - whilst people who make threats like this to manipulate others are unlikely to do it, they can, and they do, sometimes.

Living with the knowledge that they did it is tough, raising the child of someone who told you that they'd kill themselves if you did/didn't... whatever... thats REALLY tough stuff.

That doesn't mean that you bend to their will and allow them to manipulate you though.

It simply means that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME they make this threat, you inform police that this person is a danger to themselves.

Suicide is entirely, 100% the choice of the person who does it - no one elses. As long as you've informed emergency services, you have no responsibility for what they choose to do. (Even if you didn't... you almost certainly still wouldn't, but if they DO do it... its a lot easier to handle knowing you did the right thing).

butterfliedtwo · 20/03/2023 19:09

I hope you are at A&E with your poor child. Get him away from that cunt. Horrific. Police should definitely be involved.

Temporaryname158 · 20/03/2023 19:10

So what have you done about this?

are you at A and E?
have you called the police and social services?

I sincerely hope you have and you haven’t given yourself and himself excuses. If you have you are now a child abuser too.

That might sound shocking but you are and you need to hear it.

pleas please keep your children safe and go to the hospital and police and report him to social services

he won’t kill himself this is emotional abuse to stop you doing exactly what you should do - report him

TiredInPerpetuity · 20/03/2023 19:11

If anybody had been hitting my 4 year old, I would call the police immediately.
I hope you're at hospital having your child checked over and his injury logged so that you can leave and fight for sole custody. Please don't try to minimise or listen to any promises of change. Hitting a child is absolutely appalling, he's caused a head injury for gods sake.

MyMumsOnMN · 20/03/2023 19:11

I hope to fucking god you've got out/are leaving tonight for the sake of that boy. Or at least rang someone and told them what's happened. Please just keep him safe.

It's so sad that you never know what happens behind closed doors. Poor boy ☹️.

Linz7 · 20/03/2023 19:12

I think you posted here because you know this is really wrong and you need help. Your husband is emotionally blackmailing you saying he'll kill himself.
Either way; his actions are wrong as you've clearly said. Can you contact a local Women's Refuge and get help and advice as quickly as possible? You need a safe place to think. I know this is really difficult as you have a newborn but you won't be able to live with yourself if your husband seriously injures one of your children. You need support, help and advice as soon as possible and space away from this man. I would also agree with having your son checked over. I know it's scary to set these type of things in motion but you do not want to end up with you and your children being another sad news story.

grumpycow1 · 20/03/2023 19:13

Please get your son checked at the hospital and tell them everything. Then you get the help you need. If they find out you ignored it you could lose your son.

Ihatethenewlook · 20/03/2023 19:14

Why have I got a horrible feeling the op is not going to help this poor child. He’s going to be permanently disabled or killed before someone steps in :(

Chocolateismyfavourite · 20/03/2023 19:14

Please please go like the other posters have said.

Chocolatepumpkin · 20/03/2023 19:16

Shouting and some hitting?????
Why has it been allowed to continue and escalate?
The first incident should have been the last!
You are going to have a very angry little boy on your hands, if he only knows of shouting and violence this is how he will react in situations. Please remove him from this environment before it is too late for him mentality and physically.

Thoughtful2355 · 20/03/2023 19:17

Sorry but be a mother and protect your child that YOU brought into this world. how dare you not straight up leave as soon as your partner hits your child!

FabFitFifties · 20/03/2023 19:17

I feel ill reading your post OP. Please come back and let us know you have sought help for your son. This is a call the police situation.

Regularsizedrudy · 20/03/2023 19:17

Let the fucker kill himself. It will be the best thing he ever did for you.

Canthave2manycats · 20/03/2023 19:19

Let him, the cruel bastard!! You need to protect your children.

That was not an accident. He has done it before. He will do the same to your new baby. Maybe even to you.

This has completely and utterly crossed the line.

I hope you have somewhere safe to take refuge, you poor sweetheart. And you poor baby boy too - he must be feeling so confused!

Hairyfairy01 · 20/03/2023 19:19

Your 4 year old didn't fall OP, he was pushed or hit to the ground. There's a huge difference. Can you contact womens aid?

ReneBumsWombats · 20/03/2023 19:20

Shouting and some hitting?????Why has it been allowed to continue and escalate?

There have been a few threads lately about hitting children and I've been called a cunt, a harridan, hysterical, blind and stupid for saying it's always wrong and never excusable and always shitty parenting.

Unfortunately, there are too many people who won't see it for what it is until it reaches this level of abuse, and even then a lot of them will justify it. Too many people who put the comfort of how they feel about someone above a child's safety and human rights.

Fladdermus · 20/03/2023 19:20

He is abusing your 4 year old child. You need to ring the police and report this. Because you need to leave him, or make him leave to protect your children, because this will only get worse. You need to report him so that he doesn't get unsupervised access once you divorce him.

Sunflowers9090 · 20/03/2023 19:22

Leave.

You need to keep your children safe. He'll do this again. What does he do when you're not around to see?

I adore my husband but if he hurt our children it would be over immediately.

Vile.

Canthave2manycats · 20/03/2023 19:22

ReneBumsWombats · 20/03/2023 19:20

Shouting and some hitting?????Why has it been allowed to continue and escalate?

There have been a few threads lately about hitting children and I've been called a cunt, a harridan, hysterical, blind and stupid for saying it's always wrong and never excusable and always shitty parenting.

Unfortunately, there are too many people who won't see it for what it is until it reaches this level of abuse, and even then a lot of them will justify it. Too many people who put the comfort of how they feel about someone above a child's safety and human rights.

If you are referring to the thread I think you are, the circumstances were night and day different.

This one is so abhorrent, you cannot possibly compare.

Bananalanacake · 20/03/2023 19:22

It would be good if all these abusive men killed themselves when they threaten it, then there would be less abusive men in the world

AxolotlOnions · 20/03/2023 19:23

Either he leaves, you leave or he kills himself (the last is pretty unlikely, he's just using it to garner sympathy). It needs to be one of them and it needs to happen now.

Username24680 · 20/03/2023 19:23

@Wishbub I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. I’ve only read your posts, not the full thread but I have no doubt you have already been told that you need to leave and to get your son checked over.

Your son is a child. He can’t make this decision for himself. He can’t get himself to safety. YOU are the adult. The most important job you have in this life is to protect your children. Please do that.

I’m thankful to have never been in your position so I can’t begin to understand what you’re dealing with. But your children have to come first. Abusers get worse, they don’t stop.

Pack any essentials that you need. Even if it’s just what you can fit in a large handbag or changing bag. Get yourself and your children to your nearest A&E/walk in centre/police station/whatever is closest! You tell them that your husband hurt your child, he needs checked over by a doctor and you cannot go home. Phone a trusted friend/family member on the way. Let them know what has happened and that you are safe.

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