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Original poster

Husband wants to kick ds out?

288 replies

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:22

Ds turned 18 last week and his dad has been asking when he’s going to move out. This has come completely out of nowhere! We never spoke about it before his birthday at all! Husband made comments when he was a baby about kicking him out when he was 18 (he did the same with dd, 15, as well) but I never took him seriously. Ds is currently in college full time, learning to drive and working one day a week. He wants to work more now that he is 18 but before we agreed one shift a week so that he could focus on corse work. I’m telling my husband that he’s being completely unreasonable but we’ve been arguing all week. Husband says that he’s an adult now and needs to act like one. Contemplating moving out with my son at this point. Any advice?

OP posts:
ScreamingBeans · 26/02/2023 22:38

Sorry, when I say throw him out, I mean your husband, not your sonl

ButterflyOil · 26/02/2023 22:38

Please go to your sisters. Your son sounds lovely and it’s painful to read about his confusion and distress. Please don’t let him drop out. Your husband is a bastard to put it mildly. God only knows what he js been saying to your poor son and your daughter too.

I could never ever forgive something like this if it were my son being treated this way. I feel so bad for him and for you and your daughter. Your husband is a terrible excuse for a human being and I hope you don’t cave and allow hum to persuade you you are in the wrong. Your son needs you now more than eve because his dad has just essentially abandoned him and got him thinking it’s his fault. That is unforgivable.

Go to your sisters this has gone past the point of no return.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/02/2023 22:38

You’re not so DH is a cunt. Divorce him. Take half the house and half his pension to boot is make him regret this stance.

but I agree-this can’t be the first time he’s abused you.

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MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/02/2023 22:38

Your

Jellykat · 26/02/2023 22:39

This is the most heartbreaking thread i've read in a very long time..

Your poor poor DS, i really really hope he understands asap he is not a failure and has done nothing wrong. Its his fathers way of thinking that is fucked up and abnormal!

Please get legal advice fast, there is no going back from this..
Youre a wonderful mum OP, sounds cheesy but i'm sending you strength.

SpaceOpera · 26/02/2023 22:40

OP, talk to a solicitor first. Get advice before leaving the marital asset.

I left, came back, and my barrister at the financial hearing said she was so very thankful that I did.

Ameadowwalk · 26/02/2023 22:40

Another one saying your son should not be leaving college before his year is finished. He sounds like a very good lad and it is dreadful that he is so upset in his final year and you are in this position. It sounds completely crazy on the part of your husband. I don’t think you have much choice but to go to your sister if your husband does not chance his view and apologise. And then tell your DS to concentrate on his studies and do you proud. He is definitely not a ‘lazy failure’.

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 26/02/2023 22:41

If she's close enough to not disrupt school/college I'd go to your sister's tonight.
Your poor son - no wonder he's upset/confused. He's having all his stability ripped away from him.
Keep fighting for him OP he sounds lovely.

SpaceOpera · 26/02/2023 22:43

A number of posters have said to go to your sister’s. If it’s for visits, fine.

Do not move out of the marital asset without written legal advice backing you.

AnyaMarx · 26/02/2023 22:45

Does he think the moment children turn 18 their no longer your children or responsibility?

He's a twat . And yes id leave him . Heartless man . I would out both my children first and kick him to the kerb . There wouldn't be any going back from this for me . My kids would come first .

Wheresthebeach · 26/02/2023 22:48

He’s trying to destroy your sons education and future. You need to protect your son and ensure he stays in school. Divorce this horrible man fast and get everything you are due. He will turn nasty but 50% is yours as a starting point.

StarDolphins · 26/02/2023 22:48

ahow Your son you’ve got his back & move to your sisters. Then claim half the house as you’re entitled to it.

How the hell does your husband think any of this is ok? Your poor, poor son feeling like a burden. Unforgivable.

AnyaMarx · 26/02/2023 22:50

I'd ask ds to go to
Your sisters for now - and get legal advice asap . I'd not be staying in same room as twat and you d be looking at options legally for splitting g assets and divorce but I'd take ds away from the toxicity and stay and fight for what's legally yours . If dd is in the cross fire I'd let her go to sisters too . I wouldn't waste another second on you're heartless dead beat husband. That would be it for me .

Wiluli · 26/02/2023 22:55

Kick the husband out ! Wow what sort of me fail it’s is that where parents think a birthday means the kids suddenly can just afford everything and get no help . How was he as a dad before , I’m curious to know how their relationship was

Wiluli · 26/02/2023 22:57

Also , I’m a Solicitor and my advise is get legal help , if you are married then it’s not his house , how long have you been married ?

Pipsquiggle · 26/02/2023 23:03

Your DH sounds like a really small minded dick head.

Just wondering what kind of job /career he has. Is he projecting his life onto DS? 'Well I left home at 18 and I did OK!' - does he have this kind of mentality?

You need to protect your DC from this life limiting man. As others have said, the house is not his

snowtrees · 26/02/2023 23:06

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:30

No my son is not trouble at all! My husband turned 18 the summer he graduated and moved out by choice.

But you don't graduate until later. Unless you mean high school

JackiePlace · 26/02/2023 23:06

Tell your husband your son will not be moving out but that he (husband) is free to do so whenever he wishes.

%3

Northernsouloldies · 26/02/2023 23:07

Op your husband is a dinosaur, I thought that line of thinking went out with the Ark. Your husband needs to get into this century.

FrostyFifi · 26/02/2023 23:11

It's not your H's house. It's a marital asset. Starting point would be 50% to you but probably more if you are resident parent with a dependent DD.
Doesn't matter if it was his before you married. Tough shit on him, he should be a better father then.

Wasywasydoodah · 26/02/2023 23:13

My dad used to say this stuff. I never really knew if he meant it or not. I left as soon as I could and now live far far away.

TonTonMacoute · 26/02/2023 23:17

MaryKateDanaher · 26/02/2023 19:22

Kick your husband out instead. What a shit.

This, obvs 🤷‍♀️

LittleOwl153 · 26/02/2023 23:21

The solicitor will likely mention... but get onto the land registry site and register a martial interest in your home. That will stop him making any decisions on the property without your say so - for example he cannot increase the mortgage or take another loan to reduce the asset.

He's clearly a twat and you are doing the absolute right thing by getting the kids out. Don't let your son throw away his future like this. Get him to speak to pastoral at school/college they will help him see sense and complete the school year at least.

Crinkle77 · 26/02/2023 23:23

VivaVivaa · 26/02/2023 19:34

I struggle to believe this is completely out of the blue behaviour from an otherwise kind and respectful husband and father?

Yep me too. I would guess there is history of controlling or abusive behaviour or something like that.

jayritchie · 26/02/2023 23:41

Not read all the thread so apologies if I've missed something. Is your husband an American? There seems to be more of a culture of children leaving home young there.