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Original poster

Husband wants to kick ds out?

288 replies

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:22

Ds turned 18 last week and his dad has been asking when he’s going to move out. This has come completely out of nowhere! We never spoke about it before his birthday at all! Husband made comments when he was a baby about kicking him out when he was 18 (he did the same with dd, 15, as well) but I never took him seriously. Ds is currently in college full time, learning to drive and working one day a week. He wants to work more now that he is 18 but before we agreed one shift a week so that he could focus on corse work. I’m telling my husband that he’s being completely unreasonable but we’ve been arguing all week. Husband says that he’s an adult now and needs to act like one. Contemplating moving out with my son at this point. Any advice?

OP posts:
Undermyumberellaellaella · 26/02/2023 21:09

OP, having read the updates from you, your husband is a cunt.

Your son deserves better than this and so do you and your daughter.

No matter how many times your husband decides to say sorry (which he won't because he still doesn't see what he's done as wrong) your son will remember this forever.

Please don't stay living with him. It will look like you're siding with him, even if you're not.

There is no way I would ever kick my kids out (without good reason) and I'm sure a lot of other parents feel the same. It is not normal to kick your kids out just because they've turned 18.

Find somewhere else for you three to go. It will mean the world to your kids if they know you are happy being with them.

SoShallINever · 26/02/2023 21:09

I am so shocked, I have genuinely never heard anything like this. Your poor son.

Presumably this is out of character for your DH (or you wouldn't be with him). Do you think he could have developed some mental health issue or had a TIA or something?

SpaceOpera · 26/02/2023 21:14

OP. Your husband is under some kind of mental stress which he is not communicating to you. He is instead focusing on the other male in the house, perhaps he sees him as threatening competition.

Could family or a trusted friend be brought in to talk to him? This kind of bullying behaviour tends to reduce when it’s brought into the sunlight. Having been through DV myself, I can’t stress enough how important it it to let the potential abuser know they have eyes on them.

Keep yourself safe. Contact a women’s support centre. If you feel unsafe, try not to be alone in the house with him. You may need to apply quickly for a non-molestation order if he is becoming nasty. That should shock him into reducing the spite level. Don’t let it escalate. Take control now. Your solicitor will advise you on the formal procedures, but talk to people. Lots of them. Friends, family, his family, support groups.

Does he have any weapon licences? I’m thinking Epsom College here. I hope to god I’m overreacting and catastrophising. But it’s a hell of a lot better than being caught unprepared.

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18 years old Families General parenting
ThepicofmyhairymingeprovesIamsober · 26/02/2023 21:17

Bloody hell I opened this thread expecting to read a list of shitty behaviour meted out by your DS, but it appears the poor lad is as good as gold. I’m also shocked that their dad talked of kicking your kids out practically as soon as they were born! Wtf?!! And you didn’t even question that?!! Anyway I’m glad to see that you are choosing to do right by your children rather than the nasty twat that you had them with.

Inkpotlover · 26/02/2023 21:20

God, this is heartbreaking to read. Your poor son.

Did your H's parents do the same to him when he was 18? Is that why he thinks it's okay for him to be a total arsehole to his son?

knittingaddict · 26/02/2023 21:21

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:30

No my son is not trouble at all! My husband turned 18 the summer he graduated and moved out by choice.

I know you know this already, but that was then, this is now. There is no way that the average 18 year old could afford to leave home these days. At the very least your husband is out of touch, a bit thick and nasty with it.

Even 40 years ago my parents didn't do this. Not once was it suggested that I was a burden to them.

Thesharkradar · 26/02/2023 21:21

imo this is 'animal' behaviour, he is threatened by the presence of another adult male in his territory and is following his impulse to drive him out
it makes the husband look very bad, I would think that if your son stays the H's behaviour may escalate to being abusive

scoopoftheday · 26/02/2023 21:23

My heart is sore for your son.

My 18 year old son is in his room and I could cry at the thought of my dh telling him he had to move out.

Ditch the shit husband.

SwordToFlamethrower · 26/02/2023 21:26

My 19 year old son is traveling for the next year or so but his room is his room still!

AllyArty · 26/02/2023 21:28

Do u think there is something going on with your husband-depression, money worries, an affair? Doesn’t sound rational to me. You look after yourself and your children. Glad your sister has offered to help u.

Inertia · 26/02/2023 21:34

It isn't your husband's house, it's marital asset. He has really done a number on you all over the years, hasn't he?

Don't move out, it's your home and the the children's home. If he becomes violent or threatening, call the police.

I would not be able to stay married to someone who was prepared to throw my children out of their home. Your first priority is to your children now.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 26/02/2023 21:36

Good grief!

What the hell is wrong with your husband?!

Well, he has a shock coming to him once you've seen your solicitor.
What a shame for you all though (especially your son) to witness your DH showing his true colours. You must be absolutely gutted OP, I feel for you x

Redshoeblueshoe · 26/02/2023 21:40

This is truly awful. Get legal advice tomorrow. Your poor son.

Justmeandthedog1 · 26/02/2023 21:48

Years ago, back in the 50s and 60s , kids moved out at 18 , or even before, because they did National Service or they’d been working since they were 15 or 16. They often had cheap lodgings, sharing a room, meals provided by a landlady. Those days are long gone but maybe your husband thinks they still exist?
How does he expect your ds to pay rent, bills, buy food , clothes etc… ? Where does he think your son will live?

Intransigentcat · 26/02/2023 21:48

I still remember over 20 years ago the horror of finding out one of my brother's friends had been chucked out on his 16th birthday.

Absolutely lovely lad, no trouble. But his mum had always told him he would be turned out when he was sixteen and she was true to her word.

Turned his life upside down, trying to fend for himself at that age. Took him a long time to stabilise himself and get back on track.

Completely heartless approach from her and the same from your husband. I will never understand it.

Mind you my mum chucked me out when I was in my final year of school. because her new boyfriend didn't like me so maybe it's more common than we give credit for. I do think the insecurity of staying for short periods where I could between school term times when I no longer had a home to go to has had a lasting effect on me. Well done to you for standing up for your son OP.

jasminetrampoline · 26/02/2023 21:53

Dont move out, stay there and see a solicitor, with all the details that PPs have mentioned. Your solicitor will tell you what you should do for the best if you divorce.
For me, it would be straight to divorce if DH was serious about kicking the kids out at 18.
What a horrible man. I wish you the very best with all that lies ahead of you.

Staffielove23 · 26/02/2023 21:53

My mother did this to me when I went to university. I was the first in my family to go to Uni. She turned my bedroom (back room) into a formal dining room and I had to sleep on the sofa when I came back. It really damaged our relationship and did a lot of emotional damage to me during a time in my time when I needed a safe base. Unsurprisingly I am no contact with my mother now and she wonders why. Don’t let this happen, it will ruin your relationship for life.

jays · 26/02/2023 21:57

I have never said this before in all the years I’ve been on here. I would leave my husband if it was me.

letthemalldoone · 26/02/2023 21:58

This is just horrific!! What a disgusting, evil, bastard of a piece of shit you are married to!!

Bet this is the tip of the iceberg... don't leave - get legal advice and see where you stand. There's no coming back from this. I've almost 26 and 24 year olds (who lived away from home for years for uni) back home, plus a 19 yo who's in uni and has never left. Hell would freeze over before we'd deny them a roof over their heads!

Madness101 · 26/02/2023 22:00

My DH paid his mum rent at 15 then realised that it was cheaper to rent a room off a mate.

I’m still dealing with that and all the emotions that come with it over 15 years later.

I really hope you ds can see his dad is being a prick!

LookingOldTheseDays · 26/02/2023 22:00

VivaVivaa · 26/02/2023 19:34

I struggle to believe this is completely out of the blue behaviour from an otherwise kind and respectful husband and father?

I agree. This behaviour won't be completely out of the blue.

Fansandblankets · 26/02/2023 22:01

Eh? I’m confused too. He’s not even working full time and even if he was surely he moves out when he’s ready?! My brother is 36 and still at home!

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 26/02/2023 22:02

I was expecting to read that your DS was an unemployed 35 year old refusing to contribute to the household! Not a bloody 18 yr old in FT education.

Wow. Your dh needs to move out, not your son.

Tessabelle74 · 26/02/2023 22:02

My husband jokes like that too, but in no way would he actually expect it to happen. If he did it would be him packing not the kids!

BumpyaDaisyevna · 26/02/2023 22:03

Are you saying your husband wishes your year 13 son to move out half way through the school year?

What sort of a man does this!

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