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Original poster

Husband wants to kick ds out?

288 replies

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:22

Ds turned 18 last week and his dad has been asking when he’s going to move out. This has come completely out of nowhere! We never spoke about it before his birthday at all! Husband made comments when he was a baby about kicking him out when he was 18 (he did the same with dd, 15, as well) but I never took him seriously. Ds is currently in college full time, learning to drive and working one day a week. He wants to work more now that he is 18 but before we agreed one shift a week so that he could focus on corse work. I’m telling my husband that he’s being completely unreasonable but we’ve been arguing all week. Husband says that he’s an adult now and needs to act like one. Contemplating moving out with my son at this point. Any advice?

OP posts:
MintJulia · 26/02/2023 20:21

Is your DH actually willing to lose his wife and children over such a stupid argument? Give up on a 20 year marriage? He's deranged !

littlebirdieblu · 26/02/2023 20:22

Hmmmm

ChampagneCommunist · 26/02/2023 20:24

Put a Home Rights notice on the house - it's a Land Registry application, you can use. Lawyer but you don't have to.

PM me if you want help doing it

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18 years old Families General parenting
Whyisitsososohard · 26/02/2023 20:25

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:30

No my son is not trouble at all! My husband turned 18 the summer he graduated and moved out by choice.

But he dies understand your son has turned 18 in February mid year? I mean he does sound hard of thinking.

Also I assume he didn't graduate from uni at 18? Does he understand with how the job market is now rather than when he ws 18 you often need a degree, training or an apprenticeship (so not earning much) to have good job prospects? Iris he happy fro his son to have to find any employment at 18 to pay for his own flat and make it really hard for him to progress?

I'm not surprised you're upset. This makes literally no sense and honestly he just sounds really lacking in intelligence.

thirdfiddle · 26/02/2023 20:26

What's your situation OP? Do you have your own income? Why does your husband 'own the house' and you don't if you're married?

You need to make it very clear to son that you're not leaving because of him (son), but because of what you have found out about your husband that means don't want to be married to him any more.

Livelovebehappy · 26/02/2023 20:29

What an arse. Surely he’s said something prior to this? It wouldn’t be something said out of no-where. Maybe you’ve been a bit accepting of his twattery about other things so it’s just something else he’s trying to control. Be strong OP - tell him it’s not happening, and you don’t want to discuss the issue further.

Eas1lyd1stracted · 26/02/2023 20:29

As a few others have said you need to put a notice on the house that you have an interest in it. Do this before you leave and ideally take some legal advice too. I imagine he's shown other elements of controlling behaviour too? It's utterly bizarre he's so stuck on this and thinks it's all down to him to decide. I can't work out if he is trying to force your hand to go and wants the marriage to end or is just entirely used to having his own way.

Prescottdanni123 · 26/02/2023 20:31

So he thinks that parenting stops once the child turns 18. Christ almighty. I'm nearly 30 and my mum and dad still parent me from time to time. I'll always be my kids mum and will support and parent them for as long as I live.

EyesOnThePies · 26/02/2023 20:31

Protect your son.

See a lawyer.

Your H does not ‘own the house’ if you are married.

Tell your H that if your son goes you go too and you take your half of the house with you. Probably more than half because you could well get more than half to house your Dd.

Do you work and have your own income Op?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 26/02/2023 20:32

TwilightSkies · 26/02/2023 19:31

The amount of emotional damage this will do to your son…..

who owns the house?

Absolutely. The father's attitude borders on pathological. A good lad who is working and studying -- who the fuck cares whether he's 18 or 80?

My contempt for people like this husband knows no bounds. And the poor boy's psyche never will recover.

What are you going to do, OP, to protect your child?

feelingfree17 · 26/02/2023 20:33

Any advice?
Yes, get rid of your husband.
Your poor boy.

Trainnerd · 26/02/2023 20:34

this is incredibly sad. He sounds abusive. I also can’t believe this sort of behaviour is isolated OP if you actually think about it.

please please keep having your son’s back and reassure him that his dad is a nasty abusive prick and you would never ever kick your son out like this especially when he is a hard working decent kid.

Original poster
Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 20:34

Thank you everyone for all the replies. I’ve told my husband that unless he pulls his head out of his arse and starts acting like a father then I’m taking the kids to my sister’s tomorrow morning. I didn’t know about the house, (It was his before we were married), but I’ll be contacting a solicitor tomorrow. I’m devastated that it’s come to this and I genuinely don’t know if he’s being a dick on purpose or if he really thinks he’s right. I’ve told my son that it’s not his fault at all and that I’m always there for him but he’s (understandably) very upset. We sat down to have a chat and he was asking me what he was doing wrong and what should he be doing? Obviously none of his friends are in this situation and he wasn’t expecting it. I’m just so confused and I don’t know how to make this ok.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 26/02/2023 20:37

Your poor son. Please reassure him that dad has never been so wrong in his life and that at 18 he deserves loving parents and you’re as devastated as he is to discover that he doesn’t have two of them. Take passports, any bank docs you have, the laptop.

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2023 20:39

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:38

My daughter is only 15 and so obviously still lives at home. Unfortunately my husband owns the house so kicking him out isn’t an option. He’s never been the best dad truthfully and we haven’t had the easiest relationship for the past few years but I never expected this. Ds has asked for more shifts and his friend’s parents have offered to let him stay if he pays for his own food etc but I’m not sure I can live with my husband if he lets that happen..

You both own the house, it's a marital asset.

See a solicitor asap

pointythings · 26/02/2023 20:39

The only thing that will make this OK is your husband issuing a massive, grovelling apology to your DS and promising that the home he has grown up in will always be his home too. It's going to take a while for him to mend what he's done here and he needs to realise that.

Unless this happens, it's divorce and freedom for you. Personally I think this is in unforgivable territory.

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2023 20:39

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 20:34

Thank you everyone for all the replies. I’ve told my husband that unless he pulls his head out of his arse and starts acting like a father then I’m taking the kids to my sister’s tomorrow morning. I didn’t know about the house, (It was his before we were married), but I’ll be contacting a solicitor tomorrow. I’m devastated that it’s come to this and I genuinely don’t know if he’s being a dick on purpose or if he really thinks he’s right. I’ve told my son that it’s not his fault at all and that I’m always there for him but he’s (understandably) very upset. We sat down to have a chat and he was asking me what he was doing wrong and what should he be doing? Obviously none of his friends are in this situation and he wasn’t expecting it. I’m just so confused and I don’t know how to make this ok.

What did you husband say to you then?

Versailles2023 · 26/02/2023 20:40

OP your last update just brought a tear to my eye. You’ve been living with a sociopath all these years he’s not bonded with his son he just had kids for his own needs. Your son sounds lovely and so hardworking support him through this, dump the husband and your son will continue to thrive x

Mackymacmacface · 26/02/2023 20:41

This sounds like such a stressful situation for all parties. Has DH twigged that he got it MASSIVELY wrong? (Hugs)

Sandydune · 26/02/2023 20:42

Is your DS in any way troublesome or not pulling his weight? (Not that this would be a reason to kick him out at 18, but there would maybe be the start of negotiation).

It sounds like your DS is doing everything that might be expected of him at this age, so kicking him out would be unbelievably cruel. What else does your DH expect of him?!

FlamingoQueen · 26/02/2023 20:42

None of his friends are in the same position because it’s not normal! My DH would be out before he kicked my dc out. I would be heartbroken for my son to move out and feel so unwelcome. Please protect your son (and daughter).

Original poster
Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 20:43

I won’t relay exactly what he said because it doesn’t need to be on the internet but the gist was that I’m pathetic and soft and I need to stop playing games. I haven’t mentioned the divorce and I’m honestly scared to. I want to talk to a solicitor and know where I stand first I think.

OP posts:
Mammajay · 26/02/2023 20:44

Your husband wouldn't have graduated till he was 21. He doesn't sound like a loving father.

VivaVivaa · 26/02/2023 20:44

I’m just so confused and I don’t know how to make this ok

You don’t do anything now OP other than collecting any documents you might need to take if this escalates and you need to leave in anything other than a planned fashion. The only thing that will make this okay is for your DH to apologise to you and DS and to change into a better father. From your description of him, I think this is highly unlikely and a solicitor is also a good bet. I’d be interested what his response was when you told him you’d go to your sisters. Sadly, I think this is probably what he’s after as well as your DS leaving to be honest.

Winterborne74 · 26/02/2023 20:44

Nothing to add, but you poor things! It’s so heartless and sad. Thank goodness DS has you on his side, but how upsetting. So sorry you are in this position.

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