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Original poster

Husband wants to kick ds out?

288 replies

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:22

Ds turned 18 last week and his dad has been asking when he’s going to move out. This has come completely out of nowhere! We never spoke about it before his birthday at all! Husband made comments when he was a baby about kicking him out when he was 18 (he did the same with dd, 15, as well) but I never took him seriously. Ds is currently in college full time, learning to drive and working one day a week. He wants to work more now that he is 18 but before we agreed one shift a week so that he could focus on corse work. I’m telling my husband that he’s being completely unreasonable but we’ve been arguing all week. Husband says that he’s an adult now and needs to act like one. Contemplating moving out with my son at this point. Any advice?

OP posts:
pointythings · 26/02/2023 20:45

Based on your last update yes, definitely engage a solicitor, get your ducks in a row and prep for divorce.

PigletJohn · 26/02/2023 20:46

Just my bit to add to the others.

You have to decide which of them you want to keep.

The decision will last about 65 years.

WandaWonder · 26/02/2023 20:46

Is there somewhere you can go for a bit with your son, or atleast he can stay with the friends but have him realise it is only till you sort things out?

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18 years old Families General parenting
GettingItOutThere · 26/02/2023 20:46

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:38

My daughter is only 15 and so obviously still lives at home. Unfortunately my husband owns the house so kicking him out isn’t an option. He’s never been the best dad truthfully and we haven’t had the easiest relationship for the past few years but I never expected this. Ds has asked for more shifts and his friend’s parents have offered to let him stay if he pays for his own food etc but I’m not sure I can live with my husband if he lets that happen..

what a fucking horrible man - You are married, the house is half yours regardless of if your name is on it or not!
do not be fooled into thinking you have nothing

please put your son first and cuddle the heck out of him, poor lad and your relationships will be ruined if not

Sid077 · 26/02/2023 20:46

Just say no and have no further discussion on it. A simple it’s not happening. Don’t give this nonsense any oxygen. Why should you and the kids leave their home because of some dreamed up nonsense that you haven’t discussed let alone agreed to. Do you think your partner might be ill suggest a gp visit.

Mammajay · 26/02/2023 20:46

I thought no the advice will be don't move out of the house as I think your daughter being 15 gives you some rights to the house till she is ,18

Butterfly44 · 26/02/2023 20:48

The day you turn 18 doesn't make you different from the day before.
This is awful OP. Your son will never forget this and that's their relationship ruined. Your actions in supporting your son here matter. I couldn't get past this and that would be our relationship over. He should be the one to move out.

jannier · 26/02/2023 20:49

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:38

My daughter is only 15 and so obviously still lives at home. Unfortunately my husband owns the house so kicking him out isn’t an option. He’s never been the best dad truthfully and we haven’t had the easiest relationship for the past few years but I never expected this. Ds has asked for more shifts and his friend’s parents have offered to let him stay if he pays for his own food etc but I’m not sure I can live with my husband if he lets that happen..

You need to take legal advice him owning a house doesn't mean you have no share in it.

Sandydune · 26/02/2023 20:49

Glad that you’re going to get legal advice.
Sorry that you’re going through all this and sorry for your son too ❤️

Jojo19834 · 26/02/2023 20:50

You sound like a loving supportive mother, please stay by your sons side here. You are right, he shouldn’t be kicked out at 18 and your dh needs to catch up quickly on the world.

billy1966 · 26/02/2023 20:50

How absolutely dreadful OP.

Your poor son.

How completely unforgivable.

Your son will never forget this.

Well done for standing by him.

Get all and any paperwork, payslips, pension, house deeds, together for the solicitor.

Your husband is one nasty piece of work.

Be honest with people, tell the truth.

Shit husband and a shit father.

Keep talking to your son stressing this is all on his father.

I would NEVER attempt to forgive this.

What an awful man to wound your son so deeply.

Thank goodness you have your family for support.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 26/02/2023 20:52

Get rid of the husband. I have a 19 and 21 year old at home. They are welcome to continue living here until the right time to move, out as were my older children.
Your poor son, he is hard working and not causing any trouble.
If you take your husband's side you are in danger of ruining the relationship with your son.

Scirocco · 26/02/2023 20:53

Bin the husband. Protect your children. I'm sorry, what a grade-A prat of a man.

Floralnomad · 26/02/2023 20:55

Your son will get the right message by you moving out with him and his sister , you are showing him firmly that parents stand by their children and put them first .

Tinkerloo · 26/02/2023 20:56

Wow, I’d be kicking my DH out if he did that. Even if my son wasn’t in full time education, getting a place of his own would be out of his reach for a while. The way things are going, chikdren will be living with parents for a lot longer because they simply cannot afford not to!

3luckystars · 26/02/2023 20:56

What an awful thing to do. Your poor son. I would not let anyone treat my child like that. It would be over for good.

And it's not his house.

topcat2014 · 26/02/2023 20:58

I'm ashamed to be the same sex as this "father".

Is he a failure at work or something, and needing to throw his weight around at home..

I hope things work out for the best

backinthestoneage · 26/02/2023 20:59

Not just the house but you will also be entitled to a share of his pension.

He is a bastard that you don't need to be looking after in his old age. Start afresh asap.

Littlemissmagnet · 26/02/2023 20:59

FictionalCharacter · 26/02/2023 19:43

OK so he owns the house, but you can start divorce proceedings if you want to.
Do you want to see him kick your son out when he has almost no income, do the same to your dd when she turns 18, and continue living with him?

This is exactly right if he's so desperate for peace and quiet.
He is not much of a father to do this when times are this bad. 20 somethings are having to move back in with parents as owning or even renting their own homes is unaffordable. He needs to understand that his children are in full-time education, and this is no golden age! Tell DH Move with the times we are in a recession for crying out loud.
If he fails to see reason, then all leave he will find the CSA will make him support his 2 children who are in full-time education.

SpaceOpera · 26/02/2023 21:03

I am on another thread where the 17 year old son is seeing a 23 year old single mother. He is not working or studying, does not leave the house unless he ‘has a reason’ (exercise is not a good enough reason). Is now asking his mother (also single) to look after the gf’s two pre-school kids so they can go out on dates. The mother has never met the gf and the tiny children would be left alone with a stranger. The boy is accusing his mother of selfishness for refusing!

If there was a father on the scene and wanted to kick him out to get a dose of cold hard reality, I’d be nodding along.

But if my 18 year old is taking responsibility for himself and investing in his future, I would protect him like a lioness. No way should be made to feel useless.

Your husband is taking out his personal problems on the family unit. Don’t let him.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 26/02/2023 21:04

Omg, I can’t believe this, I’m dreading the day my kids leave and my husband feels same way. Of course we know it will have to happen one day but we are family therefore we support our kids and help them whenever they are ready to go or not, 18 is defo not chucking out time for teens fgs!

newforest1 · 26/02/2023 21:04

What a horrible man. So many ppl think as soon as a child turns 18 they can instantly do as they please as they're an adult and although it's technically true, lots still need emotional support and help until a few years older than 18

Daffodil18 · 26/02/2023 21:05

Thank you for not letting your Son down. I was gobsmacked to read what has happened but thank god you are a decent human being and have the strength to leave your husband as his actions are atrocious.

Gremlins101 · 26/02/2023 21:07

Take both your kids and leave. How heartbreaking for you. Please let us know how it goes. You've got this... keep standing with your kids ❤️

AegonT · 26/02/2023 21:09

You're doing the right thing OP. You are strong and right and protecting your kids. Your poor DS might feel this is his fault but it is 100% your husband's doing. He must be so confused. It isn't him that's different to his friends it's the fathers who are different. Stay strong, I'm glad you have your sister to go to for now.

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