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Original poster

Husband wants to kick ds out?

288 replies

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:22

Ds turned 18 last week and his dad has been asking when he’s going to move out. This has come completely out of nowhere! We never spoke about it before his birthday at all! Husband made comments when he was a baby about kicking him out when he was 18 (he did the same with dd, 15, as well) but I never took him seriously. Ds is currently in college full time, learning to drive and working one day a week. He wants to work more now that he is 18 but before we agreed one shift a week so that he could focus on corse work. I’m telling my husband that he’s being completely unreasonable but we’ve been arguing all week. Husband says that he’s an adult now and needs to act like one. Contemplating moving out with my son at this point. Any advice?

OP posts:
Duckingella · 26/02/2023 19:47

Please make an appointment with a solicitor to see where you stand legally regarding the house and finances.

MintJulia · 26/02/2023 19:47

MaryKateDanaher · 26/02/2023 19:22

Kick your husband out instead. What a shit.

This. Your DH is a complete prat.

Penguinsmum · 26/02/2023 19:47

Time to choose your children over your horrible husband.

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Bigmummaof2 · 26/02/2023 19:48

This is completely ridiculous. This is something you discuss with your DW & DS. You don’t just come to that decision and tell DS he has to move out/when is he moving out. I’d be telling DH he either shuts his f*cking mouth, or he can move out. End of discussion.

Ylvamoon · 26/02/2023 19:49

That's terrible.

Surely your husband understands that someone in full-time education is unable to support themselves financially.

I'd definitely get rid of the husband by packing up his stuff and leaving it at the front door.

IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 26/02/2023 19:50

Divorce.

rwalker · 26/02/2023 19:50

No big rows tell him fine but this is the end of the road and consider this the end of your marriage
ask him to start divorce proceedings and kids that age by the time it’s sorted more than likely 50/50 split so ask him if he’d like to buy you out and don’t forget pension

thenightsky · 26/02/2023 19:50

Did he actually want children?

Jules912 · 26/02/2023 19:50

Also thought this would be another post about DS doing drugs/wrecking the house/ similar that might warrithis. As described I'd be getting rid of the husband!
Once he's finished college paying some rent and/or living with friends might be appropriate if he wanted to, but not forced.

Tina8800 · 26/02/2023 19:50

Why your husband thinks he needs to act more like an adult? He is in collage, he's learning to drive and he has a job. He also wants to work more. I can't imagine being more "adult" than that at the age of 18.
If your husband will do that your son will never be able to go to uni or continue studying. Unless he has a good reason, this is ridiculous.
He is the one who needs to act like and adult, not your son! This is not the 1930's anymore!

Lefteyetwitch · 26/02/2023 19:51

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:38

My daughter is only 15 and so obviously still lives at home. Unfortunately my husband owns the house so kicking him out isn’t an option. He’s never been the best dad truthfully and we haven’t had the easiest relationship for the past few years but I never expected this. Ds has asked for more shifts and his friend’s parents have offered to let him stay if he pays for his own food etc but I’m not sure I can live with my husband if he lets that happen..

The house would still be a marital asset.

I would tell him that should he continue with this you'll be taking him to the cleaners.

AegonT · 26/02/2023 19:51

Ask your husband to leave and get a solicitor to start divorce proceedings. The house is a marriage asset so half yours even if it is in his name only. Why is it in his name only?

This is so sad; your son's friend's parents care about him more than his own dad. You must protect him.

Floralnomad · 26/02/2023 19:51

Are you actually married @Clarke1979 as then it’s irrelevant who ‘owns’ the house , you are as entitled to it as he is . Frankly I’d be telling him tonight that no one is moving out and if he persists then you will be getting a divorce .

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/02/2023 19:52

You say no to your husband, reassure ds that he can stay at his own home as long as he needs.

Then you tell dh that this is what's happening, and if he doesn't like it, he can leave.

Irrelevant that it's "his" house. You are married. End of.

Justcallmebebes · 26/02/2023 19:53

If you're married, the house is marital property and you have a stake in it as much as he does so don't let him tell you otherwise

RahRahOhLaLa · 26/02/2023 19:53

FourTeaFallOut · 26/02/2023 19:40

If you are married then it's really not as simple as him owning the house. You have a claim to the asset too.

^take your share and go and make a life elsewhere with your DC. He’ll be turfing DD out when she gets to 18 too.

My DH has joked for years ‘once you’re 18 you’re on your own’ because he was living on his own at 16. He was only joking though & he knew for sure it would be him out not DC (who is now over 18 anyway).

Your husband is an arse. LTB and enjoy the rest of your life.

Findyourneutralspace · 26/02/2023 19:54

That would be the end of it for me. He sounds awful. Solicitor time..:

Nimbostratus100 · 26/02/2023 19:55

I am very definitely in camp - "the husband moves out"

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 26/02/2023 19:56

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:38

My daughter is only 15 and so obviously still lives at home. Unfortunately my husband owns the house so kicking him out isn’t an option. He’s never been the best dad truthfully and we haven’t had the easiest relationship for the past few years but I never expected this. Ds has asked for more shifts and his friend’s parents have offered to let him stay if he pays for his own food etc but I’m not sure I can live with my husband if he lets that happen..

I know I absolutely couldn't live with someone that did this to our DS. I'd be telling DS he doesn't need to find a place and I'd be sorting one and leaving with him and DD. If you let him move out you'll get lumped in with DH and he'll feel you don't love him either. This would absolutely be a deal breaker for me, there's no way I'd stay with him after this. It's still the family home wether just in his name or not. You can register your home rights to be able to stay in home after seperating and so he can't just sell it if you end up divorcing. Legally he can't just kick you out and neither can you kick him out, so you could stay, but really your DS and DD both need to be away from this.

Aria999 · 26/02/2023 19:59

Mum always said she wanted us to leave at 18 (we had a brilliant relationship there was no problem) but we still lived at home in the holidays until we were through with university.

Then you get a job and a flat share.

I suppose your husband is worried about adult kids being dependent indefinitely but asking a teen to fend for himself when he is studying full time is premature, and the way he is doing it (I.e. no consultation with either of you) makes him sound like a nob.

Original poster
Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 20:00

Just called my sister and she’s letting me and the kids stay until I can find us somewhere. I’m now more sad that my husband has managed to make our son feel like a burden. He just said to me, “no mum, it’s ok, dad’s probably right.” Fucking hell

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/02/2023 20:00

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 20:00

Just called my sister and she’s letting me and the kids stay until I can find us somewhere. I’m now more sad that my husband has managed to make our son feel like a burden. He just said to me, “no mum, it’s ok, dad’s probably right.” Fucking hell

Don't leave the house!

thefactsarefriendly · 26/02/2023 20:02

I'd leave and take the kids with me. And start divorce proceedings.

VivaVivaa · 26/02/2023 20:03

Well done OP. Make sure you see a divorce solicitor asap. To be honest, the fact your H seems to care more about kicking your DS out vs your marriage makes me think he’s checked out on the lot of you. I suspect he’s done with your relationship as well to be honest, as this is not how married couples who care about each other behave.

thefactsarefriendly · 26/02/2023 20:03

Sorry - cross-posted.

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