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Original poster

Husband wants to kick ds out?

288 replies

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 19:22

Ds turned 18 last week and his dad has been asking when he’s going to move out. This has come completely out of nowhere! We never spoke about it before his birthday at all! Husband made comments when he was a baby about kicking him out when he was 18 (he did the same with dd, 15, as well) but I never took him seriously. Ds is currently in college full time, learning to drive and working one day a week. He wants to work more now that he is 18 but before we agreed one shift a week so that he could focus on corse work. I’m telling my husband that he’s being completely unreasonable but we’ve been arguing all week. Husband says that he’s an adult now and needs to act like one. Contemplating moving out with my son at this point. Any advice?

OP posts:
Ames85 · 26/02/2023 20:03

I’m so sorry to hear you and your children are going through this. It’s awful. I could never forgive my husband if he did this. I’m glad you have somewhere to go

Gjallerhorn · 26/02/2023 20:03

It’s a whole different ball game these days I assume your DH is at least 40? I remember renting an entire 2 bed house for just £400 pcm 25 years ago, those same houses are now around £850 pcm.

Your children need to come before your shit of a husband.

Donnashair · 26/02/2023 20:04

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 20:00

Just called my sister and she’s letting me and the kids stay until I can find us somewhere. I’m now more sad that my husband has managed to make our son feel like a burden. He just said to me, “no mum, it’s ok, dad’s probably right.” Fucking hell

Sit your son down and tell him categorically his dad is wrong. He is not a burden. He needs to know that.

It would be the end, permanently for me.

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tara66 · 26/02/2023 20:04

You can claim 50% value of house unless it is rented , if you are married. See a divorce lawyer.

pointythings · 26/02/2023 20:05

Yeah, this is a divorce job. He'll be horrified to learn you have a claim on the house and any other assets, and that he'll have to pay maintenance for your DD.

What a useless tosspot he is.

Gamerlady · 26/02/2023 20:05

Your husband sounds like an arse .. you don't stop being a parent once a child turns 18.. I would kick him out as it shouldn't even be a discussion..

we have a daughter aged 20 at home and we never discuss when she is leaving .. she works and contributes towards the household .. she will decide in her time ..

Undermyumberellaellaella · 26/02/2023 20:05

Well done for trying to sort this out for your son and thinking of a plan.

Would definitely be the end for me. And I would be telling my husband that there's no coming back after making the kids feel like shit. What a twat.

RampantIvy · 26/02/2023 20:06

Why on earth does he think it is OK to kick out a young person still in full time education?

The renatl market is awful right now. No landlord would rent to your son as he needs to prove his income and he would need a guarantor.

Your husband is a financially controlling nasty bully. Please talk to a solicitor before you do anything you might regret.

Rupiduti · 26/02/2023 20:06

The minimum wage for an 18 year old is currently over £3 an hr less than someone my age (30s)
It is already a struggle for many people on minimum wage to pay for rent so I don't know how your husband expects your son to pay rent when he's barely turned an adult! Poor kid.
Well done for sticking by them!

Versailles2023 · 26/02/2023 20:07

This is so unbelievably sad for your son. I take it DH won’t be supporting DS at University? You’ve done the right thing leaving your husband your DS deserves better. I mean I am encouraging my son to move out to go to University and if I’m honest I won’t miss cleaning his bathrooms or doing his laundry but he will always have a home with us and he k it’s he is getting financial support too. Your husband sounds like a sociopath.

FictionalCharacter · 26/02/2023 20:07

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 20:00

Just called my sister and she’s letting me and the kids stay until I can find us somewhere. I’m now more sad that my husband has managed to make our son feel like a burden. He just said to me, “no mum, it’s ok, dad’s probably right.” Fucking hell

Oh that’s heartbreaking. Tell DS that no his father isn’t right at all. Tell him about all the mums here who are horrified. Tell him that this is why you are leaving and that he will have a home with you for as long as he needs it.

RampantIvy · 26/02/2023 20:07

Rental market
I typed too quickly because I am so sngry on your behalf. What planet is your husband on that he thinks an 18 year old who works one day a week will easily find somewhere to live?

Does he not want him to do well in his studies?

BrieAndChilli · 26/02/2023 20:08

I’m curious to know what your husbands response is when you tell him you are moving out. And under no circumstances let your DD stay with your hub and even if it’s easier. He will do the same to her and possibly poison her against you.

RampantIvy · 26/02/2023 20:08

God, I can't even type angry!

BrieAndChilli · 26/02/2023 20:09

Also if you are married it doesn’t matter if the house is only in your husbands name - the house is half yours so make sure you see a solicitor to get your fair share

LaughingCat · 26/02/2023 20:10

Clarke1979 · 26/02/2023 20:00

Just called my sister and she’s letting me and the kids stay until I can find us somewhere. I’m now more sad that my husband has managed to make our son feel like a burden. He just said to me, “no mum, it’s ok, dad’s probably right.” Fucking hell

WTAF. No. You sit your son down and tell him that his dad is the one who is completely out of order. That he obviously has some real issues stemming from his own childhood that he’s projecting onto his son. And that your son is doing exactly all the right things - that real parents support their kids to achieve their dreams, not chuck them out in a bizarre sink or swim scenario. And that if his dad can’t see that, you do and you’ll stick by him.

Your poor kid…the insecurity and self doubt this will have instilled in him…stand firm against DH…please.

WandaWonder · 26/02/2023 20:10

I am fully willing to admit when I opened this I was expecting 'my son has the police round every week and is on drugs, stealing' type thing

Your husband is insane, I really try and see both sides in these posts not seeing it this time

Hiddenvoice · 26/02/2023 20:11

It is not just your husbands house, you are married so are entitled to some of it. I only learned then when my dh and I moved house. He bought the house before we got together, but once we were married it was my marital home and I had claim to it.

As you said, your husband made the choice to move out at 18, that’s good for him but it was a choice and he wasn’t forced. It is pretty uncommon now for 18 year olds to move out unless they are moving into student accommodation. You need to put your husband straight and say that you are not forcing your son out of the house and if he is unhappy with the decision then he can find somewhere else to sleep. Point out that your son thinks his dad hates him and how horrible that is. You are definitely not soft, you are standing up for your children. It is a choice you make together, he does not create all the rules.

Beach11 · 26/02/2023 20:14

Jesus, what an arse.
Make sure to get your fair share of everything in the divorce. House, his pension, lost earnings/progression due to looking after the children etc.

what did he say when you all left?

Stay strong

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2023 20:15

This thread is an object lesson in ignoring your twat of a husband being a shitty parent for years.

@Clarke1979

Call a solicitor tomorrow morning and get the divorce proceedings rolling.

xlbrood · 26/02/2023 20:15

That's awful! I would 💯 leave with my kids and not look back. I'm glad you have somewhere to stay. Your poor son 😔

Wombats67 · 26/02/2023 20:15

So sad.

What a shit.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 26/02/2023 20:16

Your son is on the right track to building a good life for himself but if he's kicked out now that is all going to go down hill as he will have to leave education and get a full time job to support himself. If you allow this to happen you are seriously letting your son down and wrecking his future. Your husbands a dick, you need to put your kids first

RedDoughnut · 26/02/2023 20:17

Your husband is appalling!

Children come first. Support your son!

Thomasina79 · 26/02/2023 20:18

I agree with everyone else. If it were me there would be only one person moving out and it would not be my son! Get rid of his brute of a father. They will never have a relationship as adults after this.