I’ve smacked 4 year old and feel terrible

[Cantwait4summer94]

My son who is four is playing up a lot for me recently, he is absolutely brilliant for everyone else who looks after him but for me he is becoming more challenging.
he kept pushing his baby sister who is nearly 11 months and wouldn’t stop even when I asked. He then threw something heavy at my face and I’m sure I’m going to have a black eye tomorrow. I got up and slapped him but it wasn’t just once. he has since said ‘I’m so sorry mummy’ but my behaviour was out of order

Unpopular view on here but I bet he won’t do it again. Some children need to be shown they are not boss. As long as you didn’t thump him?

you know it’s not good to lose your cool but sometimes behaviour is too bad for the gentle “why did you hit your sister? Is it because you are feeling sad?” approach.

Please don't beat yourself up about this. You asked him to stop but he didn't. You must have felt that you were at your wit's end but it got the message across. Put your feet up with a cup of tea. I'm sure you're an excellent mother and you're doing just fine. Mothers are allowed to lapse sometimes, you know.

This

Please don't be too hard on yourself. You made a mistake and feel awful about it. The chances are you won't do it again.

You lost your temper because you were hurt.
I won’t condemn you (although I believe hitting children is always, always a mistake and awful parenting) but would ask how you are going to cope next time your buttons are pushed?

He is great for everyone else. His nursery said he is the most caring little boy and his child minder said he is the easiest child she has looked after so he is only playing up for me? I must be failing him because when his dad is around he wouldn’t dream of being as naughty as he was today

Op you are not failing you son .kids know all to well how to push there parents buttons and they also know how to pick 1 to behave for and one to not. Don't be so harsh on yourself your only human.

I have a hyper 4 year old and am 35 weeks pregnant, doing half term solo.

I'm abit surprised everyone is basically saying this is ok. It's really not! Stop blaming him, saying he's good for everyone else but not you and get a grip on the situation.

I would be sitting him down and explaining what I've done is wrong for a start, looking into someone else helping look after him for a few hours over the next few days so you can get a break and think about how to ensure you don't slap him multiple times again in future.

This is MN where everyone is against smacking but if someone admits to doing it they get nothing but sympathy and told that it’s ok and normal when stressed, yet if op posted saying her partner smacked the child she would be told to leave him immediately, call the police and never allow contact again 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m with you @Fearnecuptea

Losing your temper isn’t an excuse to slap a 4yr old multiple times OP.
You’ve just shown him that the biggest person who can hurt others the most makes the rules.

Im not a perfect mum, but I never hit my DC and they haven’t been little angels. If you truly feel terrible, you need to do the emotional labour to ensure you do not hit your DC again.

This. Disgusting double standards on this thread as usual.

“I got up and slapped him but it wasn’t just once”

^ Totally unacceptable OP. Your poor child.

You should feel terrible.

What will you do next time he pushes your buttons?

Are you going to tell his dad?
You know if you were a man you would be told you are an abuser and that your child is not safe with you .

I feel like I’ve just walked into some sort of twilight zone. No it isn’t ok. At all. Ever. It doesn’t mean you should write it off as one of those things and sit down with a cup of tea! Sorry but some of these responses have left me confused. This should not be normalised and it isn’t acceptable.

No, it’s not OK. I’m not going to pretend it is. And… ‘it wasn’t just once’? How many times did you slap your son OP?

I’m still a rookie parent of a 15 month old but I think if this happened I’d sit down one to one with him, eye to eye, and say “I’m sorry mummy hit you, mummy was angry but hitting is wrong and mummy should not have hit you and is very sorry. Would you like a hug?” I would model the behaviour I would hope he would learn if that makes sense? So that if he does get angry and hit then he is learning to show empathy and apologise afterwards and hopefully in time both he and you will be able to manage your emotions not to hit anyone.

OP you're getting a hard time on here. Don't be too hard on yourself. Draw a line and move on. I've not smacked but have had the urge many a time, and doled out some questionable parenting over the years.

Go easy on yourself, mine are a similar age gap although quite a bit older and it can be tough.

You’re going to have to let his nursery key person know and his child minder as this will be viewed as a safeguarding reportable incident when he discloses, which at four he will.

You need to take this seriously OP. By your own admission you’ve hit/struck your child multiple times, it’s massively wrong (never mind illegal in Scotland).

OP - the fact that you feel terrible about it (stated quite clearly in your post title) means that you know it's wrong, and thus are a decent parent who has made a mistake. Show me the parent who says s/he has never made a mistake, and I will show you a liar! Yes, have a cup of tea, calm down, chalk it up to experience, and think through some strategies of how you would like to handle this next time it happens. You are not a bad parent. You clearly care for your children and are shocked by your own actions. Don't beat yourself up over this, and take no notice of the Perfect Peter Parents who pile on in threads like this.

I think this was an exceptional situation, more than just him 'pushing your buttons' - he threw something heavy and hit the OP in the face, she is going to have a black eye! Obviously it's not ideal parenting to slap him, but my god, we're all human.
When everyone's calmed down, you need to tell him that he was wrong to hurt you, and you were wrong to hurt him too. We all make mistakes, we are going to promise never to hurt each other again. And hug and make up. Tomorrow is a new day.

He is great for everyone else.

He really isn't he just exhibits different poor behaviour with them.

His nursery said he is the most caring little boy and his child minder said he is the easiest child she has looked after so he is only playing up for me?
He's realised playing up at nursery or with the childminder in the same way doesn't work.

I must be failing him because when his dad is around he wouldn’t dream of being as naughty as he was today
Children act differently for different people.

As he's 4 he will be telling nursery, his childminder and his dad you hit him. So you need to tell people yourself plus ask for help so you don't hit him again.

BTW my DD use to collapse outside in the street once she realised she was too heavy to carry her if she didn't want to walk somewhere. She only did that to me and my DP, her dad, didn't believe it until he saw her in action. She stopped collapsing in the last few weeks as she has grown so I can now easily drag her down the street. I've seen other mothers dragging their 3/4 year old in the same way there as fathers tend to still be able to pick up their children.

You’re going to have to let his nursery key person know and his child minder as this will be viewed as a safeguarding reportable incident when he discloses, which at four he will.

Sorry but this is utter bs

You hit him multiple times and people are saying it's ok?! It's absolutely not ok. You must never do it again. It's called physical abuse.

You need to have a plan in place so this doesn't happen again. I'll be honest, I did go to smack my daughter a couple of times when she was younger, and caught myself. I was smacked as a child. I didn't want to do parent that way. I read a couple of parenting books that helped me come up with an approach, so I had a different way to react the next time. I found 123 magic very helpful. And how to talk so little kids will listen.

Where did you slap him and how many times? I’m shocked people are saying this isn’t a big deal when we don’t even know the details, OP could have slapped him full force across the face ten times for all we know. Smack across the bum twice, not great, but not the end of the world, slapping multiple times across the face is definitely not okay.