I’ve smacked 4 year old and feel terrible

[Cantwait4summer94]

My son who is four is playing up a lot for me recently, he is absolutely brilliant for everyone else who looks after him but for me he is becoming more challenging.
he kept pushing his baby sister who is nearly 11 months and wouldn’t stop even when I asked. He then threw something heavy at my face and I’m sure I’m going to have a black eye tomorrow. I got up and slapped him but it wasn’t just once. he has since said ‘I’m so sorry mummy’ but my behaviour was out of order

Jeez some of you really love to change the story so you can get a bit more scolding in, don’t you? Accusing OP of slapping his face, demanding a precise number of slaps, and claiming she’s taught him to be violent even though it’s obvious she’s never done this before, and clear she wants to never do it again.

OP I always found taking a break from the situation to be the most helpful if kids were pushing my buttons. Make sure the kids are safe, put small one in her cot if needed and take a mummy time out. Deep breaths, look at a photo of them being adorable then back into the fray with a new activity - out for a walk, into garden, go to the park.

Mine are teens now but I remember an early childhood nurse telling me about this therapy she was doing with parents who were struggling with behaviour. It involves watching your child play. You don’t play with them, you don’t make suggestions or tell them how to play, you just sit with them and watch. But absolutely no distractions- no phones or chores. Just watching. Every day for 30 mins. She said it worked!

agreed. Illegal on Wales too.

I wasn’t ‘demanding’ a precise number of slaps to berate OP, I thought it was probably a typo saying it wasn’t just once that she hit him… but she’s ignored me twice so I guess she did repeatedly hit him
afterall.

OP knows its not ok, its literally the reason she posted here. You dont need to go round the houses 'making the point'.

Yes we do because there are tons of DV apologists on here telling the OP it’s perfectly fine, she’s an excellent mother, to put her feet up and not worry about it. 🤷‍♀️

You haven’t but this is mumsnet. Everyone is an armchair psychiatrist, midwife and lawyer, who take an isolated incident with zero context, reduce it to its most shocking components and then advise that the person involved is a psychopath/abusive/toxic narc.

I bet the OP never smacks her DS again and will work out some strategies to manage his behaviour. He needs to realise that there are consequences for his behaviour. Throwing heavy objects is not good and it might be his baby sister next. God knows why you posted on here OP. Some people are just being deliberately cruel. As usual

Those of you reassuring the OP, how would you react if your husbands hit your child?

You have modelled violent behaviour by behaving violently.

It’s concerning that you’re so unable to understand a simple statement.

When I have really lost my temper with DD I have shouted at her horribly which I don't actually view as being ok parenting either.

I've never even come close to hitting her but if I did I'd book myself onto a parenting course (I mean this - I'm not saying it as a dig).

4 is a difficult age because we expect them to know better than to do really harmful things but in reality they're still learning and testing boundaries. I echo posters above that methods like 123 Magic are useful and other parenting books that help us understand their needs better.

Since understanding better why my 4/5 year old is difficult sometimes I am much much less likely to lose my temper with her.

You know you shouldn’t have done it OP. Physical violence towards a child is never acceptable, no matter how provoked you may feel. I agree with others that you can use this a turning point in your parenting. Devise a list of strategies to turn to when the red mist descends. It would literally be better to walk away from him, shut him into a safe space and ignore him until you are calm enough to deal with him more appropriately. If you have a partner, it’s probably worth telling them yourself calmly tonight. It would be better to come from you than your 4 yo. All the best with going forward, of course you regret it but it’s not the end of the world.

OP, please remember that people come to these posts with all sorts of their own fucked up baggage. Ignore the people condemning you, who've presumably never made a mistake in their lives or hurt another person.

You know what you did wasn't right and you're here asking for help. You've had lots of helpful responses.

Please don't punish yourself. Move forwards. All the best.

You seem to be making things up, why is that?

Movingsoon21 is exactly right. He got a good shock I bet he stops

The comments insinuating this is acceptable are disgusting.
Op, some of your replies are so nonchalant- it doesn't matter where you hit him, you hit a tiny child. You said yourself it wasn't just once so I have no idea why you're questioning those you mention this.
Your behaviour is inexcusable and your victim blaming of your son. He's 4, he can't regulate his emotions yet, it's your job to teach him, not assault him.

We've all done it. Mumming is hard. Don't beat yourself up.

It's called trauma. It's where you've been beaten as a child so you're unable to speak up for yourself. Not 'better behaviour' absolutely bloody toxic behaviour, and I say that as someone who was smacked/abused by my parents.
Just cus something was alright 'back in the day' doesn't make it alright now. Please educate yourself.

We 100% have not all repeatedly hit our children, or ever hit them at all, don’t be stupid.

I certainly have not and never intend to.

I got smacked and turned out fine. Ignore the arseholes

Gosh some of these replies

I lost my rag once and smacked DS when he was 3 or 4, it's never ever happened again.

I think it shocked me a lot more than him and was a horrible incident but no had, was done, he's absolutely brilliant and well adjusted and I was so horrified naturally it was a learning experience.

Please don't panic, you've put yourself out here for judgement which probably wasn't a good time, I've seen similar threads on here before and the responses were a lot more positive and helpful.

Be kind to yourself.

There are too many 'mommy is not happy,stop doing that' parents. He didn't listen. He will nxt time.

I’m an ideal world no child would ever be smacked, if an adult is winding you up you have the luxury of being able to walk away or if an adult hit you so hard you’d have a black eye your instinct is to just go back at them, if it was a one off and you regret it I wouldn’t worry about it. Bet he won’t give it a second thought.

I really don’t think an odd snack as a nuclear option is worth getting upset about. It’s only the last 30 years it’s fell out of favour and people managed ok in the years before. Not saying we shouldn’t evolve just saying it’s not the end of the world.

Domestic violence is always completely wrong, especially when it's directed at small children. I bet you wouldn't have stayed if it was your husband hitting you multiple times in a rage, but somehow people think it's fine to hit a small defenceless child who has nowhere else to go. Shocking!

Thank you 👏