I’ve smacked 4 year old and feel terrible

[Cantwait4summer94]

My son who is four is playing up a lot for me recently, he is absolutely brilliant for everyone else who looks after him but for me he is becoming more challenging.
he kept pushing his baby sister who is nearly 11 months and wouldn’t stop even when I asked. He then threw something heavy at my face and I’m sure I’m going to have a black eye tomorrow. I got up and slapped him but it wasn’t just once. he has since said ‘I’m so sorry mummy’ but my behaviour was out of order

This. Sort yourself out. Hes 4. You are the adult in the room. Fucking behave like it.

I agree

Because they were parented by fear.

"Actually it would be self defence wouldn’t it?".

It's a shame that's all you took from my post.

But it's a doubtful that if an adult launched something at you and you went over to them and began repeatedly slapping them that it'd be called self defence.

Either way that wasn't the idea of the example. It was that slapping an adult repeatedly would be seen as wrong and could land you in jail. But slapping a child is somehow something OP shouldn't worry about because he won't do it again.

As a child protection manager this is absolutely not BS.

No wonder he is violent with his sister if this is the sort of behaviour you are modelling. Violent breeds violence.

I can’t believe you done it multiple times, you should feel utterly ashamed.

Of course you feel terrible. You should feel terrible.

You need strategies in place to make sure this never happens again. Read books on effective parenting, look into anger management. Promise yourself you’ll never lose control to this extent again.

You can disagree all you like, I do this for a living. It wouldnt meet thresholds for any of that

OP could refer herself in however and express that she would like some help with parenting strategies, that would be voluntary intervention although they may sign post her on to various programmes and information (nothing wrong with that)

This is not ok. Would you hit a colleague who was annoying you? Someone on a bus? Your husband or friend. If you don’t think that is ok (and it’s not) then apply this same rationale to what has just happened. It’s assault as it would be for an adult. That’s why it’s illegal in many places.

That's absolutely not okay and you should feel bad IMO. He's 4 and you're an adult. I think you need to work out how to manage your emotions.

She may well hit them if they threw a heavy object at her face and pushed over her daughter, yes?

I don't think this makes OP a monster, she lost her grip and feels bad about it. The people on this thread cold-bloodedly approving of violently assaulting a small child are horrible though.

In a few years he won't remember the one time you slapped him. The important thing is that he feels secure and loved.

I know when me and DH broke up, my parenting was far from perfect and on a couple of occasions I smacked my children. They still love me and definitely don't suffer a lack of confidence.

In saying this, it's important to understand why he's acting the way he is otherwise it won't ever get better.

I don't think you need to apologise but when the dust has settled you do need 1:1 time with him, maybe just before bed, talking about why he's doing what he is, and finding a story book (The Colour Monster is good) which talks about feelings. This way you can teach him how to express himself appropriately.

My last question is, are you happy? Children pick up on things. If you're not happy he might be reflecting your feelings. If there's something that's upsetting you, maybe you could talk it over with someone yourself.

I hope it all goes well 🙏

Sorry, what.
I'm sure the emotional upheaval of the child's mother moving out would be more detrimental to the child than the incident itself.

OP you have apologised. You told your child it's wrong to be physical. Move on and it won't happen again.

I didn’t smack his bum because he was ‘annoying’ me. He threw something heavy at my eye. I have clearly never once said it was acceptable. Stop twisting it. You’re really making out I would go around hitting people at work or on the bus? It was a one off incident which I have clearly expressed regret. Some of you love to dig the knife in

Beating or slapping a child is not okay in any circumstances.

Again @Cantwait4summer94 how many times did you slap him?

I agree. Children learn from the behaviour they see from adults.

I don’t model violent behaviour. 🙄

The people on here are so over the top! It makes me cringe. I got smacked a few times when I was younger and I turned out perfectly fine…so did my brother and sister… and my fiancé did too when he was younger we’re all fine like I don’t get why people are being so extra

You can eye roll all you like.

But you DO model violent behaviour. Your post is literally about assaulting a child (presumably infront of a toddler)

You haven’t turned out perfectly fine if you think it’s acceptable to hit children. That’s precisely the point.

No you’re missing the point. I didn’t say you would do that to someone on the bus, I was making the point that presumable you WOuLDNT do that to an adult so why is ok for a child. I’m not twisting the knife in I’m trying to make the point it is not ok to hit a child- ever. Even if they throw something heavy at your face. Even then.

My post is clearly referring to an incident today where I slapped my son for the FIRST time on his bum. If I slapped him for the first time today, how have I been modelling violent behaviour? 🙄🙄

Do you think domestic violence is okay or acceptable, coz it was acceptable back in the day? Likewise violence on a child is not acceptable under any circumstances!
Would you be okay if your partner smacks you coz they feel you are annoying?