My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

[Clockwise123]

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.

My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"

Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

your not you

If I were your ExW I would have very serious issues with your access to our son. My DS is the same age and was bullied last year at the end of Y8. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of his bullies being in my home or 'ExDH's' home.

Don't do it. Your gf sounds like a prize bitch saying it isn't all about your DS. It fucking well is actually

God no! Please don't. Even if your son is away they may (will?) go into his room and damage his stuff. They would find that as hilarious as they did beating him up and ripping his clothes. And of course deny everything.

You're letting his enemies into his safe place.

This is the hill I would die on tbh. What's stopping them going into son's room while he's not there? His safe space.

Not a chance.

Whoosh….

Having picked up the pieces when my child was bullied to the point of self-harm and suicidal thoughts, I can't even imagine having someone close to me suggest that I host the culprits in my home. Mind-boggling. I wouldn't fucking trust myself within fifty yards of the vicious little bastards.

I'd lose the girlfriend, tbh. Nobody as clueless and heartless as that could possibly make a decent life partner, or an appropriate person to be around a child who has been through so much shit already.

Show your gf this thread. Pretty unanimous.

I would go absolutely mental if I was in this situation.

I wouldnt want anyone who bullied my child near the house, never mind actually in it. I wouldnt trust them to stay away from my child's things, nor the step kid who might actually allow them to mess with their stuff.

The fact your GF doesnt seem to care what happened to your son says a lot about her and you need to decide if she and her son come before yours.

If you cant put your son first, then you will ruin your relationship with him.

If they were both your sons, what would you do? Would you let one brothers bullies into the house for a party for the other brother?

Agree with other posters.

Your girlfriend is wrong. It is all about your son. He had to change schools to get away from these bullies. It is not great that her son is friends with these bullies. It is absolutely not acceptable for them to be allowed into your son's home under any circumstances. If she cared about your son, she should be trying to get her son to find different friends, not enabling the bullies to come into your son's safe space.

You are not overreacting. Your girlfriend is showing that she doesn't care about your son. I am sure she would be taking a different line if roles were reversed. For me, that would be end of relationship.

Absolute not. Take a stand against any bullying.

Your poor son. You need to stand up for him.

what the hell, really?

How heartless and insensitive is your GF

Absolutely no way. The disloyalty and betrayal is off the scale. I feel so sorry for your poor son that your gf could even countenance this. Please show her this thread. It's absolutely disgusting to brush it aside with 'it's not all about him.'

I'd be seriously reconsidering your relationship.

"3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home."

No fucking shit OP if this was my son I would be having a serious and supportive talk to him about whether he wanted to continue staying at your house at all since you seem swayed to allow his abusers into your home to appease your GF.

I can't even begin to imagine how he would feel knowing they were staying at his home hanging out with his Dad and possibly having easy access to his belongings.

Absolutely NOT.

No, no, no.

Her son 'missing out' on friendships with boys who tormented her stepson so badly he had to move schools?

She needs to give her head a wobble.

What is the housing situation? Is it her house or yours...

If I were your sons mother I would end contact arrangements which involve my son staying in your home which has been opened up to kids who bullied him enough to cause him to change school.

Tell your girlfriend if these kids step foot in your home the relationship is over - and mean it! The child and his mother are becoming bullies to your son through this and you would not choose to live with your tormentor would you?

get a new gf.

You'd be failing as a father to let them in your home, and I wouldn't be surprised if your son opted to cut ties with you and spend all his time at his mums. Your girlfriend sounds awful. Stand up for your son.

I would refuse and say that if she wants to do a party for her son with these kids it can't be in your house because they're not welcome. If your gf can't understand why you don't want bullies in your house then maybe you need a new girlfriend

Yeah there's no excuse for this.. they could go bowling, they could go out for dinner, there's a long list of things they could do but she chooses to invite boys who made your sons life miserable round to stay? Sounds as though she has no care for your son. Would she accept it if it was the other way round? Your sons friends had bullied her son and you had them round? I'm sure she wouldn't. Then her protective instinct would kick in. I would call that a hard PASS.

also your girlfriend needs to give her head a wobble.

They’ll use his toothbrush to clean the toilet.

And like you say why is your step son such good friends with these boys. If someone was bullying my sister no chance would I be there their friend, whole dynamic is weird

Exactly this.
This whole story is bonkers