My sons bully's are coming for a sleep over

[Clockwise123]

Hi, I desperately need some advice please.
My son was bullied at school and moved schools because of it last year (year 8, age 13). My girlfriends son, same age, is friends with these boys and wants to have them over for his birthday for a sleep over. I do not want them in our home, but my gf insists her son should not miss out.

My son is due to be at his mums, so won't be here. It still doesn't sit right with me though.

We all live together, and share parental responsibility with our children's other parents.

1. How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home? He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues.
2. I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son.
3. I could potentially have an issue with my sons mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home.

I don't want my step son to miss out. It feels really hard to deal with.

It feels like I'm being made to feel like I'm over reacting. The phrase that I keep being told is "it's not all about your son"

Any thoughts or advice? What would you do?

I don't think your relationship can survive this.
Your gf is basically saying (not in words but in actions) that your son lied about bullying.

Please protect your son. It’s so sad to read that he would probably just say it was ok just not to cause any issues. Your gf isn’t coming across well!

No fucking way just no. No no no no no. I would be prepared to split over this. How she can even condone him being freinds with them is one thing but to say her son shouldn't miss out what a cow.

I'd be aware that if you do allow if your son may very well choose not to return to your home. Or his mum may not allow it due to concerns for his safety.

So you may lose your son over this.

You're in a toxic relationship. I'm sorry you're so ingrained in it. She doesn't have any respect for your child.

Absolutely not!!!!
Just say not a chance!!! She's awful for even suggesting it!

No I would not have the children in my house that bullied my child. It will destroy your sons sense of being secure in his home with you. It's also showing him that you and your gf don't believe his bullying was that bad and putting gf sons needs above his own

this is awful.

you cannot possible allow your sons boundaries to be trampled in this way.

that your gf does not care about your DS is a massive red flag.

you need to protect your DS.

You need to put your foot down and stand up for your son. Nobody who'd bullied my child would step foot over my threshold. If your girlfriend and son don't understand and respect that then they can fuck off too as they clearly don't give a shit about your child.

Does your gf have a magic vagina or something?

what other possible reason could there be for your astonishing passivity in allowing your child to be treated like this in his own home? Get your shit together and prioritise your child.

Did you post about something similar recently OP.

If so I believe you were advised to put your child first and leave the relationship.

If not,then I'd advise you and your son to get away from this awful situation.

This can’t be real surely.

If it is and you allow this, you’re a terrible parent.

That would be a big fat NO from me on all fronts.
I'm not adding to this thread because it has all been said by previous posters.

No way would I let this happen.

Is this for real? you are asking if its ok to invite bullies to sleep over who bullied your son so badly he had to move schools?!! How is this even a question- this is appalling and the answer is absolutely not. Why are you putting your girlfriend above the welfare of your own son? unbelievable.

Absolutely not.

This^

It would be a cold day in hell before I allowed this to happen. If it’s that important, she can get an Airbnb for the boys for the weekend. And stay there permanently as far as I’m concerned. This is relationship ending stuff.

No. Your sons home is his safe place. His well-being comes before a sleepover. Neither you or your gf should even be considering it.

Definitely not. It's so so unfair on your son. Let SS see them elsewhere, but nowhere near the house. I take it there are pictures of your son in your home, can just imagine these horrible bullies lapping that up and perhaps even reigniting the interest in bullying him again, outside of his school.

My school bully attended my close relative's wedding, despite the fact that the family member they knew how uncomfortable it would make me feel (and at this point it was 15 years after the bullying and we were both adults) it really ruined the day for me and she was just as unpleasant as I remembered but in a less obvious way.

Your girlfriend needs to educate her son that these type of people do not make good friends.

No way. I'd get rid of the girlfriend too.

No no no. Your son's home needs to be a sanctuary. No way can you allow this even if he's not there.

Whatever kind of party they have needs to be held somewhere else.

And as others have said, reconsider the relationship because your son isn't being prioritised.

Over my dead body would the kids who bullied my son ever set foot in my house. Even if your son is at a different school now, there's still the potential for them to go through his stuff and bully him online.

"It's not all about you son"

Yes it is, for you.

Please show him that.

Why would your GF want to encourage he son to have friendships with such horrible kids? My guess is she doesn’t believe your DS. How long have you been living together?