Dp doesnt want the snip

[Redditchat]

We have had all of our babies. He doesn't want to get it because he thinks its a big deal, its not the pain element its the fact that it's irreversible (this one would be)

So i am questioning whats the issue if we dont want anymore babies?

I joked and said is it because you might want one with someone else if we were to break up, now im actually wondering!

Silly probably!

Anyone else been through this?

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Not silly especially given you’re not married. Men are very protective of their penises though so there will be lots of reasons. My dh wont have one because he’s afraid of the pain and doing permanent damage

How old is he?

How old is he?

I said the same to my husband and he gave me the same answer. He just doesn't want one. I didn't think anymore of it. It's his choice.

It's his body and his choice.

That's a very important principle

Cool. He'll be using condoms from now on then, rather than you having to alter your body or hormones to prevent more pregnancies, right?

This.

I was offered sterilisation after my 4th child. I said no. Just because I don’t want anymore children, doesn’t mean I don’t want to have control over my own body. It’s a permanent thing and that’s a big thing to go through, even when you know you’re done.

His body, his choice. Why don’t you get sterilised?

I find it puzzling when men don't want it when they say they don't want anymore children. It's done under local anaesthetic. You've gone through far worse bringing his children into the world. Yeah his body his choice but also your body your choice if you don't want to have invasive or hormonal contraceptives. Is he happy to just wear condoms every single time? As that can be the option if no snip

My DH wasn't keen on one for years but in the end changed his mind - partly I think because lots of partners in my group of friends had one so it didn't seem that taboo. We've had our babies and both agreed that we don't want any more. He hates condoms but I have issues with hormonal contraception so can't take that so it seemed like the best solution.
I must admit, i got really irritated when one of his initial reasons against it was pain - I pointed out that pregnancy & childbirth weren't exactly a walk in the park!!
At the end of the day it was his decision to make and he is now very happy that he has done it.

This.
Everyone is very quick to shout this when it's a lady in question - they should be equally keen to do when it's a man considering a procedure.

Agree it's his choice

You think a vasectomy isn't invasive?
It is - and it should be entirely his body, his choice just as it's her body and her choice.

He's 37, and yes I have said I am not being on any type of birth control I've done my bit.

Well then you take the risk of having more kids or you don't have sex.

My husband does not want one either

instead I need to take hormones (pill), or put a metal contraption into my uterus, the insertion of which is painful.

after faffing with condoms and a pregnancy scare at 50 (!!) I am now getting the Mirena (as too old for the pill, even though am not menopausal nor overweight)

IMO men are essentially more selfish than women. There are exceptions but have not met many….

sometimes I think marriage is a con . For women.

in a next life I may decide to live alone

so far my random stream of consciousness 😁

His body his choice. My husband eventually got it. Largely because i went off my contraception (my body my choice) and he didnt like using condoms.

So why does your choice matter but his doesn’t? You refuse birth control, he refuses a vasectomy. Why do your thoughts trump his?

DH had been intending to have one until my cousin who is a GP mentioned that 10% of men are left with permanent discomfort. I wouldn’t fancy that risk for a non essential operation so I can’t insist that he does, so we use condoms and a bit of cycle counting instead.

I don't want any more children. But I wouldn't want DH to have the snip as it's so final. It's fair enough he doesn't want it. I don't think you should be questioning your relationship based on this.

So why does your choice matter but his doesn’t? You refuse birth control, he refuses a vasectomy. Why do your thoughts trump his?

Because so far it's all been down to the OP: contraception, pregnancy, childbirth. Why is it yet again on her?

Why are women expected to increase their risk of cancer by taking hormonal contraceptives?

Well men can’t be pregnant or give birth so that’s hardly her husbands fault. Nobody made her choose to have children.

Well he couldn't get pregnant or give birth did he? He can't help that.

She doesn't want contraception. He doesn't want the snip. Not many options left. But neither one should have more of a say.

Men are always happy for all of that, but will never take one for the team.

Whilst that is their right, it does also show how little they care about the impact of all of this on women.

I know I'm preaching to the converted here, but just saying my DH had one nearly 30 years ago. It's a game changer, as contraception was a faff. I didn't want to take the Pill for ever, he didn't like condoms and the coil was messy and lacked spontaniety.

His doctor referred him to a private clinic, he had it done in his lunch hour. Back on the train and never had a problem and never regretted it, either him, or me!

Just for balance, DH was fully on board with having a vasectomy (had it aged 30 when our youngest was a baby) and recovery was far worse for him than labour and delivery recovery for me. This is the exception rather than the norm but it is worth acknowledging that for a small minority, it's not easy and blasé statements don't always apply.