Dp doesnt want the snip

[Redditchat]

We have had all of our babies. He doesn't want to get it because he thinks its a big deal, its not the pain element its the fact that it's irreversible (this one would be)

So i am questioning whats the issue if we dont want anymore babies?

I joked and said is it because you might want one with someone else if we were to break up, now im actually wondering!

Silly probably!

Anyone else been through this?

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You see the issue with ‘well my dh opted to use condoms instead’ is that it’s STILL the woman who takes the risks.
Condoms are nowhere near as reliable as the OCP, coil or snip. If contraception fails, it’s the woman who has to either go through a termination or carry the baby.

The decision a man makes about the couple contraception doesn’t just have an impact on him. It’s a shame that men are off the hook taking that into account because ‘it’s their body, their choice’.
For me it’s nit dissimilar to men taking decisions in other areas of life because that’s what works fir them whilst we expect women to take decisions based in EVERYONE wellbeing, not just theirs.

Imagine how a man would react if you suggested that he have a long acting hormone injection and a metal device implanted into his private parts?

Wow - so many women willing to embrace and defend the selfish choices of their male partners. That’s an academic study right there.

Presumably you went through some pain and discomfort in birthing your children giving him a family? And presumably he’ll want to keep taking advantage of a sex life? But expects you to take on the contraceptive responsibility for a life together and not to personally make any contribution or make any sacrifice? Right-o.

When a man refuses to have what is a simple day procedure for the greater good of his family - he’s simply cowardly and selfish. It would give me serious misgivings about what I’d contributed to our life together and that he was just a taker.

This!
It's his body his choice, but he needs to making that choice based on what is best for you both and your existing children, not just what he wants or doesn't want to do.

This is so blasé. The coil gave me horrific periods and made my life miserable. Women should not be told "just get a coil"

He can "just wear condoms"

It is his decision to make, more so than yours as a couple. It is still invasive, some men lose some sensitivity, and there are psychological issues of this being permanent. It is a serious decision and only he can decide if he wants to get it done.

I've been sterilised at 27 by choice after 2 children (30 now) I was done with having hormonal things in my body, I've no medical problems. I had no issues getting it done from the GP. I'd get onto mithering your GP and don't stop till they agree. Annoys me when we can't make choices regarding our bodies.

I'm always surprised more men don't offer to do their bit and get the snip. DH did after our second was born.

I did the contraception, fertility treatment, surgery, miscarriages, pregnancy and birth etc.

Yes everyone is entitled to make decisions about their body, but considering everything women have to go through, it's a small ask in comparison.

@MrsPeas do you mind me asking how long ago that was? I have wondered if I’d get it if i made more of a fuss

Well then you take the risk of having more kids or you don't have sex.

I'm firmly in the "my body my choice" brigade. So he is absolutely fine to refuse to have a vasectomy. OP is absolutely fine to decline to use any hormonal or invasive contraception.

Properly used a condom is very effective protection against pregnancy. Abstention from sex is guaranteed pregnancy free. There are choices, use them wisely.

Depending how adverse you are to an unintended pregnancy I would either abstain from pregnancy inducing activities entirely or track your cycles and limit activity to sex with condoms during non-fertile times and abstain during likely fertile windows.

I would not take back the burden of birth control. You have done your time and taken all the associated health risks.

I am very much done with having babies and have no intention of having more, and yet I wouldn't want to be sterilised. Couldn't say why really, I just don't like the idea.

Fortunately for me, DH did not feel the same and is on the wait list for the snip.

The main long term risk of vasectomy is post vasectomy pain syndrome. Only 1-2% of men suffer enough that it affects their quality of life. Even then, it's very treatable and less than 1% still have issues after treatment.
Now compare that with the risks associated with childbirth, abortion and hormonal contraception.
Men can do what they want with their bodies, but refusing to take risks that they're happy to let their partners take is cowardly and selfish.

Well said @Kabalagala

There are many women who can't have the cool. Can't use hormones. Allergic to latex. Which rules it all out

Getting a cool is also quite invasive and for some women more painful than childbirth

Some women are also using methods for 30 years.

There had been NO death attributed to a vasectomy. So I would probably of researched it before giving out that little tidbit.

However there have been deaths for tubal litigation......

Potato. Potahtoo and all that.

No, it's not 'very treatable'

It's only diagnosed as PVPS if there has been severe pain >3 months (there are also more treatable conditions, which also cause long-term pain, but they are not termed PVPS).

Treatments - reversal, de-nervation, orchidectomy plus reconstruction and testosterone replacement - can be attempted, but cure is not guaranteed

Like I said, compare those risks to risks associated with childbirth, pregnancy, abortion and hormonal birth control.
Recurrence of pain after treatment is something like 0.1%, so it is actually very treatable.
The only way to eliminate all risk is abstinence...

His body, his choice.

As it is yours regarding female birth control.

People always joke about this, but seriously, women put their bodies so much to stop getting pregnant.

I have told my husband I won’t be taking contraception once I turn 40 as I won’t put myself at greater risk of getting cancer (I am already higher risk) and I’ve already tried the coil, injection and implant. It’s his turn to do something about it. He can either have the snip, use condoms or we can abstain.

He said “yes ok” as he knows I’ve been the one medicating myself for the last 15 years so we don’t get pregnant.

Apps are just a prediction can't always rely on that

Natural cycle plan is very reliable if your cycles are very regular and you know exactly when you ovulate. Up to 99% effective if properly used, according to NHS

He's not unreasonable. Contraception shouldn't be down to one person, it's a discussion. We basically went through and ruled out various options - I've never got on with the pill, and I don't want a coil. DH doesn't want a vasectomy. So we use condoms. But it's always been a discussion, throughout our relationship. It was never "my" responsibility (I've never been on the pill while I've known DH), and now we're done having children I don't consider it his responsibility.
I imagine in the end he will get a vasectomy but not yet. DD2 is less than a year old so it's not been an option for that long, and even if he wanted one now you can't get a GP appointment unless it's an emergency anyway.

There are other non-hormonal options you can both investigate together.

male or female condom
cap or diaphragm
monitoring your cycle

you could even double up some for extra protection

Agree with this

@Survey99 , tbh monitoring your cycle works well if you want to get pregnant. As a contraception? You'd better have a cycle that is spot on and never deviates. Because wat it does is telling you AFTER the evn that youve ovulated. Not great to prevent pregnancy really. Unless you are hapy to only have sex about 2 weeks a month in the luteal phase (and even then)