Dp doesnt want the snip

[Redditchat]

We have had all of our babies. He doesn't want to get it because he thinks its a big deal, its not the pain element its the fact that it's irreversible (this one would be)

So i am questioning whats the issue if we dont want anymore babies?

I joked and said is it because you might want one with someone else if we were to break up, now im actually wondering!

Silly probably!

Anyone else been through this?

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Agree with this 100%

Why are men such wimps when it comes to the snip. Far simpler op than for women. My DH drove to the clinic, had the snip, drove home. No problems. My hero haha

I find it bizarre that women seem to ask men to do this yet they wouldn't consider sterilising themselves. I've seen more reversal of vasectomies that I wanted to as a nurse and they just aren't successful quite often. He's only 37.

Lots of women do consider sterilisation, indeed many have it done, just as they do almost all of the heavy lifting when it comes to contraception, and everything baby and child related. Can you explain what is bizzare about some men being asked to take responsibility for their own fertility? pompomdaisy

Sperm are numerous and plentiful and male sterilisation is less invasive than female sterilisation, the woman's reproductive system is much more valuable it makes sense to preserve that over the man's.
Plus, as said, women already do ALL of the heavy lifting, our bodies take ALL of the hits when it comes to bearing, giving birth to, breastfeeding and nurturing children.
Men can't keep on having it all their own way, all on their own terms, not anymore.

I think it's bizarre that you, as a nurse, don't have the same concerns with female contraceptive and birth complications.
"Only 37". That is quite old enough for a man in a committed relationship, with a family, to take responsibility for their fertility.

He's fine to use condoms then 😊

I'd quite happily have a hysterectomy but it's quicker and easier for men. My DH was reluctant at first but got fed up with condoms and I refused to go back on contraception after my 2nd his 4th. Men seem to think they are no longer a man and I don't get it.....

With the high number of marriage failures maybe he's worried that a new partner would want a child.

Prioritising a hypothetical future relationship over a current partner is so so so gross.

I'm in the same position as you.

My partner is adamant he doesn't want any more kids.

I have taken the pill, injection, implant for years. It's made me put on weight, affected my mood etc and now feel like it's his turn.

He won't have one and I get that's his choice but then why is it down to me to make sure it doesn't happen?

I feel the same as you in that perhaps he's thinking long term if he did get with someone else and wanted another one. He's never said this but I guess it's something that happens more and more these days. In a way, I wouldn't want him to have something that may not be reversible but Urg. It's just annoying.

@Kabalagala exactly! I'm a nurse and don't have this view. I've had a lot of women with ongoing problems with contraceptive, heavy periods, prolapses since child birth, continence issues, ongoing UTIs!
37 isn't young to have a vasectomy @pompomdaisy my husband is having one at 35/36. My dad did at 31 after my Mam nearly died giving birth xx

Wtaf
Maybe because she's the one risking her life and her health with every pregnancy.
Sterilisation for women is a much bigger procedure than for men - when we looked into it exH wasn't keen on getting the snip, I was happy to be sterilised, but the Dr basically talked us through the procedures and risks of both, at which point it became apparent the male procedure is trivial compared to the female one.

Also in most couples the woman will have taken responsibility for contraception for most of the relationship, with all the joy of side effects, painful coil insertion etc

It's not unreasonable in an equal, committed relationship to suggest its the man's turn

There is not an option or choice for a man to bear a child so that is irrelevant to the decision and choices people can make for their own bodies.

It is not forwards thinking to consider anyone should be guilted into a decision about their own body.

Previously choices on contraception should have been made and agreed together as a couple. If a women choose to take hormonal contraception it does not give them the "power" to tell a man they letting them down or must have the snip if they do not want too.

An equal committed relationship is about making decisions you are both happy with together - not tit for tat.

Did he force her to become pregnant and risk her life doing so, as you put it? Or was that a joint decision that she agreed with?

In some ways it is but we all know that standard MN advice is to protect yourself fir the failure of your relationship.

then why is it down to me to make sure it doesn't happen?
it isnt, he's making it your problem because he can, you need to push back & make it his problem

In future, if the woman gets pregnant when she doesn't want to she is running those risks so the contraceptive choice always impacts her more than him
Its unfair of a man to say "well you've always taken the pill, just keep doing that"

I would seem this only applies to women 🙄

These threads surface fairly regularly and I am always really confused why some women think they can control a man's body.

I'm always really confused why some people think that it's reasonable for a man to do jack shit about contraception

Your body your choice
His body his choice

I also said to my husband that I was not going to go on any contraception and he's terrified of more kids so he's doing the op

My DH promised me in the delivery room after I gave birth to child number four that he'd get a vasectomy. That was nearly five years ago and he still hasn't done it. As others have said, his body, his choice. It's also my choice to not have sex with him for the past six months. My body, I'm not going through pregnancy again.

Surgical removal of fertility is a bit more than contraception.

And it's not the individual man's "fault" that reproductive biology means that (reversible) contraceptive choices are not equal. There are barrier methods (for both sexes) but hormonal ones only for the sex where you need only a dose low enough to disrupt a once-a-month event, as opposed to high enough to suppress production every single day, with low/no tolerance for a missed pill. And of course mechanical ones to prevent implantation are also single sex

But even with all those differences, the principle of bodily autonomy is very important. And no matter how great the benefit to a third party, no-one should be expected to have surgery they do not want

Seeing what you went through he felt guilty enough to make that promise, but he soon managed to put it out of his mind and act like he never said it😡

I am always really confused
you certainly are😂

There's no way I'd let my DP have the snip. 10 % of men do suffer - and quite badly. You could use a mix of condom, cap, timing - not invasive. All together very effective. I loved the cap plus spermicide - easy. Condoms were OK - not ideal but a good second line of defence.

I also loved the coil -post babies - but get that others don't.

It is certainly not selfish not to want the op.

10% of men do not "suffer quite badly". Not even remotely close.
If other methods work for you great, but don't spout off lies to let men off the hook.