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Parenting

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Original poster

Dp doesnt want the snip

137 replies

Redditchat · 13/02/2023 11:02

We have had all of our babies. He doesn't want to get it because he thinks its a big deal, its not the pain element its the fact that it's irreversible (this one would be)

So i am questioning whats the issue if we dont want anymore babies?

I joked and said is it because you might want one with someone else if we were to break up, now im actually wondering!

Silly probably!

Anyone else been through this?

If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

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AdamRyan · 15/02/2023 09:01

747jumbo · 14/02/2023 21:48

There's no way I'd let my DP have the snip. 10 % of men do suffer - and quite badly. You could use a mix of condom, cap, timing - not invasive. All together very effective. I loved the cap plus spermicide - easy. Condoms were OK - not ideal but a good second line of defence.

I also loved the coil -post babies - but get that others don't.

It is certainly not selfish not to want the op.

His body his choice. You don't get to "let" him.

And great other contraceptives work for you. For lots of couples they don't. Loads of men have issues with condoms. Women are intolerant of spermicide etc.

I couldn't take any hormones, the copper coil made me bleed all month. Dr wouldn't prescribe the diaphragm as not effective enough. My exH went limp with condoms.

So none of that worked for us - abstention or one of us being sterilised was the only answer. Female sterilisation is a much harsher procedure than male.

I have no time for men who refuse vasectomy on principle but expect their partners to take on all contraceptive side effects. Its selfish.

Scaevola · 15/02/2023 10:33

Kabalagala · 15/02/2023 08:01

10% of men do not "suffer quite badly". Not even remotely close.
If other methods work for you great, but don't spout off lies to let men off the hook.

Show quote history

Yes, they do. Source NHS

Haematomas and granulomas are both fixable, but require further intervention. Long term debilitating pain is less common (1-2%) but as it may be untreatable, it needs to be considered.

Kabalagala · 15/02/2023 10:53

Scaevola · 15/02/2023 10:33

Yes, they do. Source NHS

Haematomas and granulomas are both fixable, but require further intervention. Long term debilitating pain is less common (1-2%) but as it may be untreatable, it needs to be considered.

Show quote history

It is true that 1 in 10 men suffer from long term testicular pain yes. But this statistic doesn't specify the duration, intensity or frequency of pain. 1-2% the pain is not necessarily "debilitating", but affects quality of life - an important distinction. And of these 1-2%, most respond to treatment. It would be reasonable to assume that for the other 8-9% who experience long term pain, said pain is likely to be mild and infrequent, since it does not impact quality of life.
How do these statistics compare with female contraceptive options?
It's interesting to me that there doesn't seem to be data collected (happy to be correct if I'm wrong) on whether or not female contraceptives affect quality of life.

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MyriadOfTravels · 15/02/2023 11:58

YES, YES YES @Kabalagala

747jumbo · 15/02/2023 13:13

OK - take your point about "letting him" - that is not what I meant - but you are right. Stupid of me.😁

Secondly - I'm not spouting lies. I may have got the definition wrong or got the wrong stats. Admit I didn't check in the way I would if it was a work document rather than a comment on MN - If you know my figures are so wrong - please let everyone have the correct ones.

And it's not "letting men off the hook" - Men as well as women have the choice. If a man doesn't want a baby he can have no sex. If a woman doesn't want a baby she can have no sex. And if they can't agree on who does what - there'll be no sex. Plenty of men and women would leave if they were refused sex. They find others who think differently.

BigFatLiar · 15/02/2023 16:20

There was an article this morning about a make pill, can be taken before sex and the effects only last about 3 hours. Just have to wait and see if it actually gets released.

WeWereInParis · 15/02/2023 18:45

BigFatLiar · 15/02/2023 16:20

There was an article this morning about a make pill, can be taken before sex and the effects only last about 3 hours. Just have to wait and see if it actually gets released.

Oh yes I saw that. I don't think it had reached human trials yet though. It temporarily stopped sperm from being able to swim.

Scaevola · 15/02/2023 18:56

www.researchgate.net/publication/339827671_Incidence_of_Post-Vasectomy_Pain_Systematic_Review_and_Meta-Analysis#:~:text=Although%20the%20exact%20incidence%20of%20PVPS%20is%20unknown%2C,outcome%20rates%20reported%20as%20high%20as%2093%25.%2014

I've actually gone for a figure at the lower end of the peer reviewed evidence

AdamRyan · 15/02/2023 19:13

Scaevola · 15/02/2023 10:33

Yes, they do. Source NHS

Haematomas and granulomas are both fixable, but require further intervention. Long term debilitating pain is less common (1-2%) but as it may be untreatable, it needs to be considered.

Show quote history

Have you namechanged as the original 10% figure came from jumbo47?

Scaevola · 15/02/2023 19:32

No, no name changing. I have also been posting intermittently on the thread (since the very first page) including about numbers

I think there might be quite a few MNetters who have looked in to the stats at some point!

WeWereInParis · 16/02/2023 15:15

I actually spoke to DH on Monday off the back of this thread, and as I thought he had been considering getting a vasectomy (we currently use condoms). He managed to get a GP appointment today to ask about it and was told the NHS don't do them anymore anyway.

Topseyt123 · 16/02/2023 16:02

My DH got his snip just after our third baby was born.

I had taken charge of contraception for many years and neither of us wanted me to have to continue taking hormonal contraceptives for much longer. The choice would in the end have been snip or complete abstinence (I personally wasn't bothered which) because neither of us got on with condoms. So he chose the snip

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