Dp doesnt want the snip

[Redditchat]

We have had all of our babies. He doesn't want to get it because he thinks its a big deal, its not the pain element its the fact that it's irreversible (this one would be)

So i am questioning whats the issue if we dont want anymore babies?

I joked and said is it because you might want one with someone else if we were to break up, now im actually wondering!

Silly probably!

Anyone else been through this?

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It’s his choice just as you have a choice over your body. If you both don’t want more children then you need to find a compromise(condoms?) or abstain.

@Hallmark1234 in which way does the coil lack spontaneity?

you get it inserted and it stays in for 5 years, so you can be spontaneous for 5 years, no?

His body his choice, but I can see your point about not wanting to continue taking the burden of contraception.

Maybe you can try a period tracker app/fertility app like Flo or Natural Cycles - doesn't cost much (Flo has a decent free version), doesn't involve any hormones, it accurately tells you when you're fertile so you know when to abstain or use condoms etc.

I've used both apps and they're really great! Honestly it doesn't feel like an effort to use them. I used to be on the pill for years but I've been using these apps instead for about 3 years now.

It's his choice, but it's also your choice if you don't want to have sex with him .
DH is booked in for his although the wait had been long. He issued after DS but I wasn't 100% on not having a second sand he was amenable either way. A year or two later I had a very late period and the feeling of dread and zero excitement just confirmed I was done. So he called for an appointment the same week. He made the choice recognising the decades I have spent on hormonal contraception, the horrific labour and subsequent blood transfusion I needed and his words were, I think it's my turn isn't it! Some people are innately selfish though and don't view a spouse as a truly equal partner.

So you wouldn't go and get your tubes tied or take contraception yourself, and that's fine (which it is), but DP makes the same choice and that's not fine? Not following.

You have a winner there!

You are childish to suggest he doesn't want this because he may run off and have kids with someone else. Just respect his choice?

We're currently trying for our second but once we hopefully have them, I'll be telling DH the options are he gets the snip and we can have sex without condoms, use condoms forever (he hates them and the cost) or we run the risk of a whoops baby! DH wants to stick at 2 kids and I'm happy to have more so it's his choice to make🤷‍♀️

After periods since I was 13, contraceptives which fuck with my body, pregnancy, childbirth and everything that comes after, I think he can take one for the team. He wanted these children as much as I did! Also, the 10% chance of permanent damage, how many women have lifelong issues after pregnancy and childbirth?! A bloody lot!

My DH doesn't want to have it done either. I understand and respect his reasons though. He lost a testicle to mumps in his early 20s. Then we had fertility issues in our early 30s. In his mid 30s he developed alopecia and lost all his hair. I think having the door closed on his fertility was just a step of lost manhood too far.

I've had an ablation done and refuse to use hormone contraception. He uses condoms without any issue and is better than me for remembering them.

Yes of course it is his choice.

However it he chooses not to have a vasectomy then he has to live with the consequences of that choice. You're not taking contraception/having a coil fitted so it's condoms all the way from now on. And don't budge on that one.

My DH had a vasectomy 8 or so years ago. It was fine. Some discomfort but settled well. Yes there can be residual pain but it's not common. And to the guys who reckon recovery from a vasectomy is worse than pregnancy and childbirth and all the post childbirth complications women can deal with - episiotomy scar issues; pelvic floor; incontinence; piles: 🙄

My husband had it done after I had 2 horrendous pregnancies with a condition that can cause stillbirth. He just didnt want us to be worried about risking a third pregnancy. But I would have respected his choice if he didn’t want to do it.

I'd ask him how he intends to manage contraception from now on.
My DH had the snip last year, because he knew it was his turn to take the responsibility and the risks with our fertility.

The snip is nothing compared to an abortion or childbirth.
But you need to marry this man’s ass regardless, it will make life a lot easier for you and the kids if he does fuck off and leave you.

Yes it is his choice. But sex between young healthy adults of the opposite sex can and often does result in pregnancy. Knowing this, what is he actively doing to prevent pregnancy. Or like most selfish men, does he see it as your problem?

I’ve asked DP if he is willing to have the snip. He said no. I’ve said that as I cannot use hormonal contraception anymore, he’ll have to get over his dislike of condoms pretty quick.

I have asked my GP about sterilisation but because I’m under 30 they won’t consider it.

I completely respect his decision, but equally, the onus is on him now to prevent pregnancy, so if that means he has to use condoms then so be it. I’ve done my bit for the last 10 years.

It’s not nice to think that in part they don’t want it in case of splitting up and meeting someone new but it’s realistic as I’ve seen that happen several times and I’m realistic enough to know that no one knows what the future holds.
I respect DHs choice and if that means condoms if I don’t want hormonal birth control then that’s fine in my opinion

Personally I wouldn't do anything that's irreversible. What if you left him or died?

Get a coil

His body his choice.
Your body your choice.
But as a couple you need to decide how you proceed.
After I had a baby I refused to go back to taking contraception and DH didn't want the snip either. So condoms it is. No drama.

Or you can get sterilised ?

I would happily be sterilised and find it very frustrating that the criteria is much harder to meet though

I was sterilised a couple of days after the birth of my 3rd child when I was 22 . It was entirely my choice as I knew that if my DH and I were to split up he would want to have another child whereas I certainly wouldn’t . It was the right decision for us .

A close friend's husband told her no - if she dies or they divorce, his new partner might want kids.

After 3 tough pregnancies and births, she's now expected to go back on unwanted hormonal birth control or go through tubal ligation.

I was quite shocked.

Well it’s his choice if he doesn’t want one.

Its also YOUR choice to not want to carry in taking hormones/pill.
And to decide that actually sex won’t happen because of that.
Or that you will have use condoms all the time.

DH was like that. Didnt want a vasectomy. Also didnt want to use condoms and expecting me to have a termination if we ever got pg because we were then only using the ‘withdrawal method’ (and yes he was also reminded this is not a contraception method ….).

We stopped having sex. I didn’t like the withdrawal. And I refused to take such risks re pg.
He got over his fear of pain and uneasy mess around his bits.

He has as much right to say no to a vasectomy as you have to say that you won’t take any more contraception. You could consider permanent sterilisation if you’re sure yo u don’t want to be pregnant again. In the situation where you both refuse to do anything to your bodies to prevent pregnancy, you have to discuss condoms, abstinence, or the risks of the calendar method. There aren’t really any other options.

Yes but sterilisation for women is much more invasive as a procedure. It’s proper abdominal surgery compare to an in and out in 1 hour for men.