Dp doesnt want the snip

[Redditchat]

We have had all of our babies. He doesn't want to get it because he thinks its a big deal, its not the pain element its the fact that it's irreversible (this one would be)

So i am questioning whats the issue if we dont want anymore babies?

I joked and said is it because you might want one with someone else if we were to break up, now im actually wondering!

Silly probably!

Anyone else been through this?

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My DH won't have one either - it went wrong for his friend and it's scared him off. I respect his choice, there's always a risk to be considered.

@MyriadOfTravels i know that but another pregnancy would be very dangerous for me yet I’d have to have 4 children to meet the criteria even though I’ve been advised not to have more babies

No man should hane to have the snip if they don't want to.

He’s keeping his options open, nothing wrong not wanting it. But he does have to take his role in contraception.

His body his choice. My DH was same, I said I'd done my yrs of looking after contraception & had the kids so he had to decide how to deal with it moving forward, he opted to use condoms rather than go under the knife.

Sex was so much better after my DH had the snip. No more stopping for condoms !

IMO men are essentially more selfish than women
Indeed which is why we should push back hard and not let them get away with it, be selfish women, have strong boundaries, insist on fairness.
If I was in the op situation I would give him a choice of condoms or no sex.

He should have it done otherwise he's being selfish. I'd be gutted in your shoes op. He's not being fair.

You of course also have the choice what you do with your body.

So together you need to look at the remaining options are and decided what to use. Or take the risk. Or abstain.

It should never be a case of either of you trying to manipulate the others decision.

I know where you're at OP - DH and I were fairly young (under 30) but after a decade of contraception being my issue, plus pregnancies and labour X2 I didn't want to go back on hormonal contraceptives. I found that after my first child I wasn't very good at remembering to take the pill. I reluctantly tried the implant but had a severe reaction to it which was recurring. I had to get it taken out as it was horrific and stopped me being able to look after my baby. I said to DH it had to be condoms or no sex - he hated condoms so he had the vasectomy instead. It had to be his choice though

My husband doesn't want a vasectomy either. I don't want to go back to hormonal contraception now, and we absolutely don't want any more children. So we're using condoms. It's his choice and I respect it, just like he would never insist that I went back on the pill, or got another coil.

I think you have to start from a position of respecting fundamental bodily autonomy — both yours and his — and then see where it leaves you.

He has the right to not want a (potentially) irreversible medical procedure, just like you have the right to not want a potentially irreversible medical procedure.

If this basic stance leaves you with decisions to make or the need for compromises regarding your sex life, so be it. But those can be worked around — bodily autonomy shouldn't be, for either person.

Why are you wondering op, or asking strangers here?

Ask your DP to explain to you. Only when you know exactly what his objections/worries are can the two of you have a proper discussion, get some proper medical information and agree a sensible decision .

If he won't get a vasectomy you still have the permanent choice in your own hands; get sterilised.

I told my husband if he didnt want the snip i didnt want sex. He had the snip.

His body his choice.

But equally your choice not to use hormonal contraception.

Then the decision is how do you prevent babies. Condoms or abstinence.

Whatever you do the important part here is that you talk about it together. If you can't do that I think you have a larger problem.

Yes I agree with your body your choice and his body his choice.

So his choice is to wear condoms if he doesn't wants any more children or abstinence.

You both need to look at all options.
Sterilisation for you means probably a general anaesthetic which comes at a risk itself and risk of internal bleeding.
You have already carried and birthed baby/babies. I'm unsure what type of birth control you've had previously or if you've had any problems (hormones sent me crazy!)

Condoms for him (no risks), vasectomy for him is a local anaesthetic, some bruising to scrotum, with a small hole at the base of the scrotum and a couple of sperm samples.

For my marriage it's a no brainier for my husband and he's getting a vasectomy when he's we're done having children or when he gets to 36 (that's our cut off we have one child atm).
It's a partnership and you have to think of each other.

So he doesn't want sex any more then? What a shame.

I had a sterilisation op and it plunged me into early menopause so my exH then left me because he couldn't cope with it.

Eugh what a WIMP

It pretty much killed our - already suffering after kids - sex life. I'd had enough of hormonal contraception, he wouldn't have the snip, and he'd keep pushing it to have sex without condoms.

After one experience with the morning after pill (I felt unwell, I had random bleeding for weeks) I said I wasn't doing that again either.

Then had a scare (period over a month late, but no pregnancy in the end), our reactions were dramatically different - I was horrified, he was secretly excited (made me think that it wasn't so accidental for him to be forgetting the condoms).

So yes, his body, his choice - but he's going to need to understand what that means.

My exH never wanted it so I spent our 20odd years together on varying contraception, including a coil that I had to have removed as it was painful. About a year after we split, he had it done as said he didn't want to have anymore children (his girlfriend was 39 and childless) and didn't want me to worry about that being a possibility. I was pleased.
I agree that it's your DH body, his choice but it's your choice how to react, ie your contraception, insisting on condoms .... or no sex.

Sorry, DP not DH.
BTW It never crossed my mind that the reason he didn't want to have it done was that he thought he might go on to have more children, just that he didn't want the procedure. A friend of ours had it and was in pain for a few weeks. My ExH was fine after a couple of days.

It's his choice, but I hate hormonal contraception so I would insist on condoms if he refused.

Tell him he will be responsible for ensuring condoms are used going forward. You will not take a chance getting pregnant again, but hormones and foreign objects in your body are not an option for you. It's his turn to ensure you don't create another baby together.

My DH won't. We currently use condoms because it's better than the pill obliterating my libido. He suggested the injection and a coil. I said no. He has rights but so do I.