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Parenting
Breastfeeding is making me miserable
Houndsandbooks · 26/01/2023 10:53
I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 2 weeks and it is making me miserable. I hate the limiting nature of it. I am unable to go anywhere and only I am responsible for feeding. My partner is fantastic and will give her a bottle of expressed milk at night whilst I try to sleep but all other feeds, burps etc are taking on average over an hour.
as for the promised oxytocin release, I haven’t felt any such thing. If anything my mental state takes a nose dive whenever she is at the breast.
I have spoken to my midwife and she has recommended introducing a formula feed at night but I really want to abandon breastfeeding and solely formula feed. I am also desperate to enjoy this time but the thought of 6 months minimum of this is filling me with dread.
any advice would be greatly appreciated
ColonelSpondleClagnut · 26/01/2023 10:57
If you hate it - just stop! There's no law against formula feeding and there's no point doing something that's making you miserable. Honestly- you're going to have so many decisions to make during your time as a parent, you just need to do what you think is best and ignore what anyone else thinks they would do. Have courage in yourself 
trrk · 26/01/2023 11:04
Agree with the PP. Just stop if it is making you miserable. You might need to stop gradually to avoid pain and mastitis. Your baby will be perfectly happy and healthy with formula and better off if you are happy. I kept going with breastfeeding longer than I wanted too as I kept reading it gets easier but it didn't for me (we had lots of problems though - tongue tie and poor supply). There are advantages and disadvantages to each feeding method (EBF, FF, combo) but on balance I have no regrets about swapping to formula.
FlounderingFruitcake · 26/01/2023 11:04
I really want to abandon breastfeeding and solely formula feed
Then swap to formula! You have to do what works best for your family and that’s not something that makes you miserable and fills you with dread.
PurBal · 26/01/2023 11:04
If you hate it, stop. Don’t make yourself miserable. If you want to keep going then persevere, because it’s bloody hard and 2-3 weeks is around the time I felt most miserable postpartum. It’s your decision! I would say, because it seems to be a big factor in how you’re feeling, that I felt FF was more inconvenient than BF especially when it came to going out (prepping and warming bottles on the go v “whacking a tit out”). Both have pros and cons when it comes to convenience.
DragonbornMum · 26/01/2023 11:05
Introduce formula feeding, then phase out breastfeeding rather than going cold turkey is what I would do.
You've done amazing to do 2 weeks of BF. It's not easy. There's nothing wrong with switching to formula.
possomcandle · 26/01/2023 11:07
Absolutely stop if you want to. It is about what is finding what is best for your family and an upset mum isn't that.
Just picking up on one thing jn your post. Whilst it takes forever in the early days,you wouldn't be in for 6 months of it. It does get much quicker and easier.
OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 26/01/2023 11:08
We all know that in terms of long term health outcomes breastfeeding is best for you and for your baby. But you know what? It also has to be what you want to do and if you feel that stopping is right then that's OK, you need nobody's permission but your own.
You've given your baby a fantastic start, she's had an amazing body to her immune system and even on a very short time breastfeeding you've contributed to her having a lower blood pressure in childhood. Fantastic stuff, be proud of what you've achieved.
You've said that you get quite negative feelings on feeding rather than an oxytocin rush. You might find reading about Dysphoric milk ejection reflex useful. Some mothers do get very negative feelings while breastfeeding, if you feel this describes your sensations than it may help unpick your feelings a little.
mynameiscalypso · 26/01/2023 11:09
I hated it too and stopped after 5 days or so. It was so nice to actually enjoy my baby rather than dread him waking up or wanting a feed. No regrets here.
Glitterstars · 26/01/2023 11:10
do what you think is best for you if that’s formula feeding then that’s fine. Breastfeeding is not easy and first few weeks are hard I am 3 months in and it is easier but still challenging at times. Got to do what makes you happy. My first was formula fed and perfectly fine x
StarsSand · 26/01/2023 11:11
Honestly, you're only two weeks in. I'd give it more time.
The first few weeks are the hardest, and then it gets a lot easier.
Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2023 11:11
You can just stop, it’s fine
If it’s making you unhappy then stopping is what’s best for you all as a family
Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2023 11:12
OhMaria2 · 26/01/2023 11:11
Combo feeding is your friend
As is Formula feeding if that’s what you want to do
Butwhytho · 26/01/2023 11:13
You can stop you know, there’s no law insisting you breastfeed. You shouldn’t persevere if it is making you miserable. Phase it out rather than going cold Turkey tho, if you can:
dottydoglover · 26/01/2023 11:14
I did it for two weeks and thought that's enough ! Don't feel guilty do what's best for you ! X
MaverickGooseGoose · 26/01/2023 11:15
Just stop! Your mental health is important, baby will be fine on formula. Mine were both ff
desperadodogface · 26/01/2023 11:15
If it's making you miserable I would stop. However, after 6 weeks it gets a lot easier- feeds become shorter and even though it's all on you, it's a lot less disruptive to sleep to roll over and pull your top up than go downstairs and prepare a bottle with a screaming baby every few hours, even if you do take turns with your partner. I always took on the mantra to not quit on a bad day. It's so hard when you're tired to think clearly. Why can't you go anywhere? That's the best thing about breastfeeding- not much planning required to leave the house. Just get up and go x
Houndsandbooks · 26/01/2023 11:16
Can anyone recommend how to introduce formula? How many a day? Is there more risk of colic? If so, how do I prevent it?
dustydewdrop · 26/01/2023 11:19
You’ve done so well getting this far. If your gut reaction is to stop I’d go with that. Your baby will thrive on formula just as they would on breast milk.
Scottishgirl85 · 26/01/2023 11:21
This topic makes me mad. The OP is feeling like shit and still a few posters are saying breast is best. Transition to formula OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this choice. I have a 2 week old baby too, never latched so I've been expressing. I'm now winding it down slowly and can't wait to be free of the pump. Woman are our own worse enemies - yes breast-feeding is fantastic if it works, but mum's mental health is arguably more important. There needs to be more consideration of this so that mum's don't feel the awful guilt and pressure if breast-feeding doesn't go to plan. Fed is best.
Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2023 11:23
StarsSand · 26/01/2023 11:11
Honestly, you're only two weeks in. I'd give it more time.
The first few weeks are the hardest, and then it gets a lot easier.
Or don’t, it’s ok to stop
Parker231 · 26/01/2023 11:23
If it is making you miserable - stop. DT’s only ever had formula - it gave them an amazing start in life. Get a perfect prep machine - it will make things so much easier. I loved watching grandparents and friends giving bottles - they loved it.
Twizbe · 26/01/2023 11:23
If you want to stop you can. Formula is great stuff but it isn't some panacea that cures every issue with having a new baby. Really try to decide what you're disliking about it and how much that would change if you swapped. You mentioned it all being you, but if your partner is about to go back to work it will still be all you 5 days out of 7. Plus you'll have bottles to wash and sort.
Combi feeding could be a good option if you still want to do some breastfeeding. I combi fed my first and did 2 bottles a day. During the week it was still all me, but it meant DH could do a couple at the weekend. I wouldn't do formula at night as your milk has a nice sleepy hormone in it. Plus it's easier in the night not having to make up bottles. You can sleep in the day with baby.
If you do want to swap, go slow to avoid mastitis and to give you a chance of combi if you want.
Replace 1 feed with a bottle, say around 10am. Wait a few days and introduce a second bottle at around 3pm. See how you feel then. If you want to go on you can swap an early morning feed, then a bed time one and so on.
Fragrantandfoolish · 26/01/2023 11:24
Just stop . No biggie. Just start with a bottle a day then two etc and get done within the week.
Fragrantandfoolish · 26/01/2023 11:25
Twizbe · 26/01/2023 11:23
If you want to stop you can. Formula is great stuff but it isn't some panacea that cures every issue with having a new baby. Really try to decide what you're disliking about it and how much that would change if you swapped. You mentioned it all being you, but if your partner is about to go back to work it will still be all you 5 days out of 7. Plus you'll have bottles to wash and sort.
Combi feeding could be a good option if you still want to do some breastfeeding. I combi fed my first and did 2 bottles a day. During the week it was still all me, but it meant DH could do a couple at the weekend. I wouldn't do formula at night as your milk has a nice sleepy hormone in it. Plus it's easier in the night not having to make up bottles. You can sleep in the day with baby.
If you do want to swap, go slow to avoid mastitis and to give you a chance of combi if you want.
Replace 1 feed with a bottle, say around 10am. Wait a few days and introduce a second bottle at around 3pm. See how you feel then. If you want to go on you can swap an early morning feed, then a bed time one and so on.
why Didn’t you just say “I don’t care how miserable you are keep going” 😂
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