Breastfeeding is making me miserable

[Houndsandbooks]

I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 2 weeks and it is making me miserable. I hate the limiting nature of it. I am unable to go anywhere and only I am responsible for feeding. My partner is fantastic and will give her a bottle of expressed milk at night whilst I try to sleep but all other feeds, burps etc are taking on average over an hour.
as for the promised oxytocin release, I haven’t felt any such thing. If anything my mental state takes a nose dive whenever she is at the breast.
I have spoken to my midwife and she has recommended introducing a formula feed at night but I really want to abandon breastfeeding and solely formula feed. I am also desperate to enjoy this time but the thought of 6 months minimum of this is filling me with dread.
any advice would be greatly appreciated

Please just stop if you want to stop. Yes, it can and does get easier if you push through the first few weeks but that’s not worth it if the cost of pushing through is your mental health, and you not enjoying your baby for those weeks.

(If you did want to continue for whatever reason, it doesn’t all have to be on you – I do the feeds and DP does the winding/burping!)

Don’t worry about colic: colic just means unexplained screaming, often in the “witching hour” (DD stretched that hour from 5 to 9pm 🥴) – it has nothing to do with feeding or gas, so it can’t be prevented or cured by feeding method (or colic drops or anything else people want to sell you). Either you get a colicky baby or you don’t. And even colicky babies eventually stop!

Cabbage leaves in your bra are meant to be helpful for engorgement and reduce mastitis risk as you dial down breastfeeding and introduce formula.

These threads are so stupid. Everyone piling on for what they think is best.

@Emmamoo89 I wouldn’t be admitting I lacked basic intelligence and critical thinking skills but you do you!

@Houndsandbooks I combination feed. My DD loves both and doesn’t distinguish between breast and bottle. I’ve never had this mumsnet random ‘going downstairs to make a bottle for a screaming baby’ scenario. Always seems to be those who breastfeed who have made this up.

Re the poster who ‘spent money on baby outfits instead of formula’. I’ve spent a fortune on a pump, lactation consultants, doctors appointments and medications, supplements, nursing clothes, nipple creams and so on. Another one lacking basic intelligence to think past their own experience.

I find formula feeding a better bonding experience personally - breastfeeding now and I’m on mumsnet. Formula feeding I’ve no free hands so just enjoy looking at baby.

breastfeeding is handy when out and about especially the one time I forgot the changing bag completely.

emily Oster research is very good and shows benefits of breastfeeding are far overstated.

when we all got covid my DH could really pull his weight while I was at my worst as baby takes a bottle.

Pros and cons to both really so do what you want’

Just stop. she’s had the colostrum which is the important bit, now just stop.

i can understand women hating breastfeeding and i've fed 9 (still feeding number 9) and i've tandem fed too. if you hate it stop OP - stop - no regrets you've done 2 weeks baby has had the colostrum which is the most important bit. Well done 😊😊. As others have said just avoid mastitis by dropping a feed every few days.

Aww good for you hun, here’s that medal you really want 🥇

Now; back to OP - happy mum happy baby! The health benefits are so tiny you can only see them when you look at entire populations - plus she’s had 2 weeks of colostrum which is a good start. Now, go and enjoy your baby!

I tried to breastfeed both of mine but transitioned to formula within a couple of weeks with both. First DD, after being bullied by various midwives to continue to breastfeed and not allowing me to express, a lovely, older midwife came and presented me with a box of ready mades (contraband) to use ( I was stuck in hospital for over a week as DD had jaundice). With DD2, in week two, the community midwife came to my home, took one look at my bleeding breasts and said she would stop if she were me.

Stupidly I felt I needed permission but was so much happier FF. FF isn' t difficult or time consuming. You just make daily batches, stick them in the fridge, and use them as needed. It meant DH and DD1 could feed DD2 as and when. When you go out just stick a bottle in the nappy bag, or use ready mades if you need something which lasts longer.

@custardbear Sorry to hear you had D-Mer. I wish its existence was openly talked about. Depending on severity some women may decide to still breastfeed anyway or to give up, but they should understand what is happening to their own bodies.
The lactavists push oxytocin release as a benefit of breastfeeding with zero acknowledgement of D-Mer as an experience many women have instead.

And I too have never experienced the descriptions of the difficulties of making up formula. Its not that hard. And you can always buy pre mixed if you are out and about.

And other people can do it for you

If you don't want to bf then don't. You don't need permission to do what's best for you.

Have a look at the nhs website for how to do it to taper off your supply. There is lots of very easily accessible info on formula feeding if that's what you want to do. Formula isn't a magic fix to suddenly get full night sleep and baby will still cluster feed, you just have the option to hand over to someone else.

If you want to keep breastfeeding you could feed but get your partner to change, settle, burp etc while you get some sleep (or shower, eat, dress). You do get more confident and quickly can do other things while feeding, a sling is a life saver. And once established and not cluster feeding you're not as 'stuck'.

It really depends what your main driver is.

My friend expresses and bottle feeds! I kind of understand why- I totally hated breastfeeding- tried it for a couple of weeks - have formula fed 3 strapping lads.

Just stop. I tried it for 3 months and it made me suicidal, I felt hatred at myself for not being able to peservere and the comments from others breast is best didn't help.
It got to the stage where I was starting to hate my baby.
As soon as I stopped and put bf behind me I felt so much better, I slept better and my baby thrived.

Just stop if you want to stop. Your body, your baby, your mental health and your relationship with baby. You know what is best. Don't post here (or even come back and read it, you'll just go round in circles with other people's opinions)- have the confidence to know you know your own mind and your own baby.

If it's not something you want to continue then you don't have to, just a side note though the early weeks of always feel very down and blue when baby was at the breast. Think it was to do with the let downs and hormones. It stopped about 3/4 weeks in. Also it's hard for the first few weeks and then for me personally it was well worth it. I had to formula feed for a bit while poorly and the bottles, sterilising, packing when out etc made it so hard on me I pumped like crazy to rebuild supply and go back to breastfeeding. Early days are very tough though, don't think it's spoken about enough. I found it eased up a LOT at 3 months when feeds spaced out and I was more active.

Thankfully for those of us who don’t want to try bf or it doesn’t work out, there is formula which is amazing!

You don't need to struggle with it, do what will work for your family. Baby benefits from a happy and rested mum too. Plus baby already had two weeks and got the colostrum. You did a great job already :)

Thanks hun ☺️

I wanted to breast feed and was upset when I was struggling massively too, but when I went onto formula after a week of pain and misery, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and my baby was finally happy! He started sleeping so well and seemed way more content.

I know people will argue with this when I say it but if breastfeeding was so great no one would formula feed. Also I just looked it up online and a website claims only 12% of mums are breastfeeding at 4 months!

I hope Emma has remembered to supplement her baby with vitamin D since birth, as breastmilk is a poor source and breastfed babies are supposed to be supplemented (luckily it’s included in formula)

Just stop then OP. One of my kids was breastfed. One was not. Through choice as I hated it. You wouldn't know any different to look at them now, neither is healthier than the other, and I am equally bonded to both of them.
I enjoyed the babyhood of the one I didn't BF about 100 per cent more though.

Actually the benefits are huge. And have seen a massive difference in my son when he's been poorly. He always recovers quickly and only been poorly 3 times. I know every baby is different. Some of the benefits are long term.

Of course I remembered. But stopped after so long and take breastfeeding vitamins. Breastmilk isn't poor at all.

Breast milk is a poor source of Vitamin D which is why supplements are recommended

I said it is a poor source of vitamin D which it is

You seem to just stick your fingers in your ears and declare it the elixir of life on these threads, regardless of actual facts and evidence.

Consider starting with readymade formula while your baby is still tiny and not drinking much. Perfect prep machine is good too but you can’t make less than 120 mL. If using powder premeasure it into boxes (you can get some boxes designed for this or just use small Tupperware) so it’s really quick to make a night feed or anytime your baby is screaming for milk.

You can look up roughly how much to put in the bottle but feed on demand and watch your baby’s cues for when they are done. Look up paced feeding if you haven’t already. Try to feed on demand just as you do with breastfeeding rather than at set intervals. My DD drunk much smaller quantities and more frequently than the formula packet recommendations as a newborn.

Even when your partner goes back to work he can still do a chunk of time each night so you can get some solid sleep (unless he really needs to be well rested at work for safety reasons like long distance driving). My DH did 8pm-1am with baby in the living room with him while I slept for the first 2 months. Once we got down to one night feed he often did it as he falls asleep again much more easily than I do and he often feeds DD in the morning before work while I shower and eat breakfast. I found it really helped to have some time each day when I’m not on duty.

Going out is not that much of a hassle. I used the small 70 ml ready to feed bottles initially and now just pack a sterilised bottle and a 200 mL carton of readymade formula. My baby drinks it fine at room temperature so no bottle warming needed for us.