Breastfeeding is making me miserable

[Houndsandbooks]

I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 2 weeks and it is making me miserable. I hate the limiting nature of it. I am unable to go anywhere and only I am responsible for feeding. My partner is fantastic and will give her a bottle of expressed milk at night whilst I try to sleep but all other feeds, burps etc are taking on average over an hour.
as for the promised oxytocin release, I haven’t felt any such thing. If anything my mental state takes a nose dive whenever she is at the breast.
I have spoken to my midwife and she has recommended introducing a formula feed at night but I really want to abandon breastfeeding and solely formula feed. I am also desperate to enjoy this time but the thought of 6 months minimum of this is filling me with dread.
any advice would be greatly appreciated

@Parker231 I carried on initially because of mum guilt. I was also engorged and had to do "block feeding" to reduce supply. My boobs don't work with a pump so had to use baby to manage this. At 4 months I spent 2 months and probably £100 trying to get baby to take a bottle. She refused. I bought all the bottles, different formulas etc then she was 6 months and tried straw etc. She's a big fan of the split night and 4-5am wakes and breastfeeding currently only think that settles her back at this time. Have done Ferber and she can self settle fine and sleeps until 4am ish most nights. Now she's 1 I at least don't have to feed her out n about. I'm hoping that after settling into nursery I can nightwean and stop.

I’ve never breastfed my son and don’t feel I have anymore to add to what others have said really, other than I agree that you should do what is best for you. I just thought I’d let you know things that have worked for me incase you do decide to stop:

Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep Machine. Lifesaver, ready in two mins. I’ve heard some people say it’s given their DC gas but we’ve never had this issue. Expensive but lots about second hand.
RapidCool flasks for out and about to make a warm bottle. Lifesaver again, quick and convenient.
MAM anti-colic bottles. Self sterilising in the microwave, and my DS has always tolerated them better than others
Ready made bottles of milk at the beginning whilst you’re getting the hang of things, and also easy to have on hand just incase

I am 14weeks in to BF, we've had struggles, latching, mastitis, tongue tie division, low supply, other people judging and commenting etc etc. We had to introduce formula top ups for a month ish due to DS weight loss from the tongue tie and I had to work so hard to increase my supply.
BF can be so effing hard. It made me miserable too, for similar reasons and it was all we focused on for so long. I feel so guilty as well for all the struggling.
However, I've been EBF for the last 5 weeks and it's only really the last 3 or so weeks I've finally begun to really enjoy it, now feeds don't take ages and weight gain is as expected. My partner hates that it all falls on me for feeding, so we have been considering combination feeding lately.

I had great help and advice from the local Infant Feeding Team we were referred to through the Health visitor and also from LLLeague.

Sod breast is best, fed is best. Do what is right for you.

I never breastfed my first and I actively tried with my second for 4 months before she was exclusively bottle fed. I did not enjoy it all and was counting down the days until 6 months but gave up earlier, i felt very anxious when breastfeeding and agree with fed is best.

I gradually stopped by dropping a feed and introducing a bottle over a week so never had any problems with clogged ducts or mastitis.

For night feeds I always prepped the bottles the evening before, cooled boiled water and then had the formula already measured. With bottle feeding others can help as well.

It's ok to stop, but also it's not a choice of stop now or do 6 months.

My goal was 6 weeks for example. I actually also hated everything to do with breastfeeding, I still feel guilty about it.

I did make 6 weeks, just. I'm glad I did in hindsight.

We then moved to a combination of pumped breast milk and Kendamil Organic as my supply dwindled.

I felt this way. I was miserable. Sore. Depressed. Exhausted. Dreaded my baby waking up because I knew he’d want fed. It was making me resent him as all he wanted was my boob which was so sore. I gave up and changed to formula at 3am one day. Got my husband to go to Tesco and get some and never looked back. Baby was happy and full and SLEPT for longer than an effin hour 👍 Our bond strengthened from then and my mental health improved. It’s not for everyone 💜 Hand in there xxx

Aww, it was a while ago but I feel your pain. With my eldest I had cracked nips that took weeks to heal, every feed was like being stabbed with broken glass and I would just cry. I only stuck it out as we were going on a long haul flight when DD was 6 months, and I couldn’t be faffed with trying to locate formula and manage bottles in rural Thailand. I couldn’t wait to quit as soon as we got back!

not sure why, but we turned a corner around 12 weeks. Suddenly it got very easy. Nips healed, feeds were pleasant, could feed anywhere at the drop of a hat. I still pumped daily and H did one feed at night by bottle from the start.

managed to get to 21 months with the odd formula on the run. She only stopped because I got pregnant.

but to be honest, if we didn’t have that long haul travel to rural Asia, I would have totally quit! No shame in that.

it’s not always best for everyone.

I lasted two days. I couldn’t do it and my baby was hungry and crying ALL the time. (10 pounder)

don’t stick with it if it’s making you feel like this. It’s not worth it. And nobody is judging.

What I would say is I wished I had combi fed. I didn’t really know that was an option. It’s not a massive regret but I wished I was a bit more educated as to what was possible.

I felt the same. The first few days I was happy I had milk and liked the bonding but then found my mood plummeted every time I breast fed. I started to express/ stopped fully by six weeks but think I should not have pressured myself so much as I ended up getting post natal depression. The most important thing is not being hard on yourself, also you may be so much happier if you formula feed which will benefit you and baby in the long run. It’s really tough to have to make so many decisions all the time!

Hate the pressure of breast feeding. My baby never latched on (inverted nipples) and I expressed every feed for about a week and it nearly broke me! I remember the torment and crying as I gave him his first bottle formula as I felt like I was failing him. Ridiculous looking back now. After moving to formula he and I were both happier and that's what matters. I seriously think I would have had post natal depression if I'd carried on and the first 2 weeks of his birth were the lowest I ever felt in my life. He is a happy, healthy boy now. My friends that had full breast fed babies actually had sicker babies than I had and the babies and them got a lot less sleep. Do what works for you and your family, no stigma, no pressure!!

I admit to not reading the whole thread, so apologies for any repetition. But stop if it's making you miserable (and this is coming from someone who happily breastfed on my first and hope to do so again). Formula was a lifesaver - literally- for many babies when it first became widely available. A happy mama formula feeding is better for baby - I think - than a miserable, tired, guilt ridden mama breastfeeding.

OP - you don’t need a reason to stop bf nor does anyone need to justify why they only used formula. Your baby will still be healthy and happy to be loved by you. Formula is amazing.

One feed at a time, and yes there is an increased risk of colic, and reflux, and constipation, and respiratory infections, and gastroenteritis, and ear infections, and diabetes, and dental malocclusion, and leukaemia, and for you, diabetes, and breast cancer. Amongst others.

Formula isn't the 'safe alternative' that most of the replies on this thread imply. It carries significant health risks, short and long term, to you and your baby.

I know that right now you are overwhelmed and stressed, and you think it's because you're breastfeeding, but the truth is the first few weeks of parenting are overwhelming and stressful even if you are formula feeding. I'm sorry if my response seems harsh but I get really annoyed by all the 'just stop, it doesn't matter!' replies. It does matter, and if you want to stop breastfeeding you deserve all the information so you can make a fully informed decision. I've encountered too many mothers who learned this stuff when it was too late and then regret switching to formula.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2812877/

www.bmj.com/content/369/bmj.m875

It's important to make feeds up properly, powdered formula isn't sterile and needs to be mixed with 70° water to kill bacterial contamination, or you need to use pre-made formula.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding/making-up-baby-formula/

@MarvellousMonsters Look at the research. It does not back up what you say.

@MarvellousMonsters - trying to scare the OP about formula is so wrong. She has already said she is miserable and dreading feeds.
Formula is amazing and gives babies an excellent start in life. DT’s had 100% and have grown up healthy without any of the scaremongering illnesses you have mentioned

@MarvellousMonsters your warnings don’t mean much unless you state the increase in risk
in overall terms. Can you do that please?

I have just looked at those articles, the difference in outcomes for FF and BF babies is not very significant. Plus there are many other factors that are more important- such as the mental health of the mother.
You can prove lots of things with clinical studies, I used to work in Pharma and we used the same studies to prove opposite things on occasion. Plus I saw one study that from pure statistics showed that if you took a certain heart drug you were more likely to be murdered!!

@MarvellousMonsters this is harmful and you should feel ashamed of posting it. Scaremongering at its finest, when the OP is vulnerable.

OP, I was where you are now. I persevered for 4 weeks then pumped round the clock for another 2. It was so detrimental to my mental health that I didn’t bond with my baby at all, but I felt so much guilt that I continued anyway. Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer so my baby had to go on formula anyway - she has thrived, finally gained weight properly, and despite the difficult circumstances, two surgeries, chemo and all the rest of it my mental health is actually better now than it was when I was breastfeeding/pumping. You must do what is best for you - put your own oxygen mask on first etc.

I wasn’t overwhelmed by the first couple of weeks of parenting whatsoever. My baby is 100% FF and she’s perfect. I’ll be doing it again with my second.

People like you need to keep their breastfeeding fanaticism to themselves. You’ve made your choices, that’s fine. Leave everyone else alone to make theirs.

Since when has science and facts been fanaticism? Take your 'fed is best' rhetoric and ask yourselves why the NHS and WHO recommends all babies are breastfed for a minimum of two years. You may need to justify your own choices by encouraging others to make the same ones as you, but that doesn't mean they are the right choices. The science does hold up, the figures are significant and all the 'La-La-La-I-can't-hear-you' in the world won't change that.

There's a time and a place for science and facts about breastfeeding but this is not what the OP was asking for.

So I made the wrong choice by feeding my babies formula?

Agreed. No wonder women feel so much pressure and guilt and end up spiralling into PND - you ask for support and instead people like @MarvellousMonsters show up to tell you that feeding your baby formula will actively cause your baby harm and illness.

Marvellous Monsters, the OP has tried to breastfeed and is still trying despite the effect it has on her so she obviously took in the information from the NHS etc. At what point are we “allowed” to stop sacrificing ourselves in pursuit of it? Should I have declined cancer treatment so I could have breastfed my DD until she was 2? Would that be, as you put it, the “right” choice? I mean, she likely wouldn’t have had a mother to bring her up but at least she had breastmilk! The same could be said for those suffering rapidly declining mental health. The baby doesn’t have an emotionally present, properly functioning mother but hey, at least it’s drinking breastmilk!

@MarvellousMonsters is a fanatic and best ignored!