Breastfeeding is making me miserable

[Houndsandbooks]

I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 2 weeks and it is making me miserable. I hate the limiting nature of it. I am unable to go anywhere and only I am responsible for feeding. My partner is fantastic and will give her a bottle of expressed milk at night whilst I try to sleep but all other feeds, burps etc are taking on average over an hour.
as for the promised oxytocin release, I haven’t felt any such thing. If anything my mental state takes a nose dive whenever she is at the breast.
I have spoken to my midwife and she has recommended introducing a formula feed at night but I really want to abandon breastfeeding and solely formula feed. I am also desperate to enjoy this time but the thought of 6 months minimum of this is filling me with dread.
any advice would be greatly appreciated

How did you get that from the post? I've literally said how to stop feeding if she wants to in answer to her question.

All I've said is that depending on WHAT is the cause, formula might not make her feel any better. If she's miserable because it's all her and she swaps and it's still all her how does that help?

I started with those little 60ml bottles of pre-prepared formula that come with a sterile teat. Expensive but it allowed me a bit of time to get everything sorted. I bought a perfect prep on next day delivery and never looked back. Once I made the decision to swap to formula, I had no desire to BF again. It's probably not great to stop cold turkey and there's a risk of mastitis but I just couldn't face it anymore. I don't think there's any more risk of colic with FF than BF particularly but we did use Infacol before feeds although I think it was more a placebo than anything.

Having driven 45 minutes to my SIL house to help her set up for FF because her MW said she “wasn’t allowed” to offer advice and having also helped a sobbing new Mum in the baby aisle of Sainsbury’s who was told to “go to the supermarket and work it out” I am VERY VERY passionate about women who choose to FF for any reason at all (which they shouldn’t have to share) getting support if they need it.
That doesn’t mean I don’t fully understand the benefits of BF over FF, I just support a woman’s choice to do it or not - so if I have time I will be commenting on every single post on this thread that suggests OP just give it more time as they really really piss me off

Who has said breast is best? I can’t see anyone saying that

It helps about as much as your post

There are certainly a couple of “give it more time” comments and I have no doubt there will be more

Might reassure you to look up Emily Oster's research on the evidence for benefits of breastfeeding, OP. She's a Harvard economist, looks at all the available data, and concludes that the long term benefits of breastfeeding have been consistently overstated. So just stop! No guilt.

@Hoppinggreen ok next time I won't share any of my experience of combi feeding with formula and I won't give a plan on how to stop while avoiding mastitis.

Colic is just one of those things that will either happen, or it won’t. NHS states that it’s not linked to any particular feeding method. The NHS start4life website around bottle feeding is really informative and gives lots of tips on how best to bottle feed a baby to avoid problems.

FWIW I breastfed EBF DS through horrendous colic and it absolutely f*cked my mental health. At the time I was too scared to stop. I’m pregnant with no2 and if it has colic, I will not be putting the pressure on myself again when I could have shared the load and got a lot more rest by either combi feeding or exclusively formula feeding. If formula feeding works for you OP then do it and well done on 2 weeks breastfeeding.

Ok but that isn’t the same .

Breastfeeding can be (and in my experience, is) crap. And it isn’t a magical elixir for babies.

As a pp said, read Emily Oster’s book. It is very well researched. Then make up your own mind as to whether the very limited benefits are worthwhile.

And if you choose to stop breastfeeding - good for you. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it. Do what is right for you and your baby.

Everyone should breastfeed if they're able to got as long as it's working for mum and baby. As soon as it stops working for one of you, it's time to stop. Sometimes that means never starting. Sometimes that means 3 years down the line. It sounds like it's not working for you.

My baby didn’t scream every couple of hours through the night, she woke once, had a bottle of ready made formula and went back to sleep; it really wasn’t that difficult. It was often disruption free (for me) because I didn’t have to do it every other night, my husband fed her and then she stopped waking for feeds at around 8 weeks anyway. Going out with bottles wasn’t hard work and if I forgot, I’d pick up a bottle of ready made and she’d have that happily.

It just wasn’t difficult and nothing would convince me not to do it again with our second. For what it’s worth, she’s 14 months now and couldn’t be a happier, healthier baby.

Breastfeeding is really tough especially in the beginning, I would stop if it is making you miserable, it's not for everyone. I breastfed my first two for almost two years, I spent the first 6 weeks in tears because it was so hard, wish I'd just given up. I'm pregnant again and will not be breastfeeding this one, I can't bare the thought of doing those early weeks again. I don't think it really matters which formula you use they're all pretty much the same in terms of nutrition and they have instructions on the box that will tell you how much to give baby and how often. I've heard the Tommy tippee anti colic bottles are pretty good if your worried about colic.

Before you stop consider the cost aspects: bottles of various sizes, tests (again various sizes), stériliser or sterilising fluid and then the formula itself.
I spent my money on lovely outfits for the baby rather than formula but I knew I couldn't afford both!

Then move to formula feeding. I would suggest dropping one bottle every few days. Ideally an evening/over night feed at first these are the feeds which will stimulate your supply.

Be warned that ff babies can still be fussy when it’s cluster feed times as you can’t feed them again but you will find another way to calm them.

I think the cost to this mum’s mental health is more important than having a little doll to dress up.

@WhatAmIDoingWrong123 I definitely had two who screamed through the night 😂 Envious!

Totally support OP to do whatever keeps her happy and sane, just sharing my experience that I got a lot more sleep with my breastfed baby than my bottle fed one even though she was the marginally worse sleeper. Definitely would never tell anyone what to do though- we all have our own valid experiences and advice and I think most EBF mums would reassure OP that if she wants to continue, it will get a lot easier in a few weeks. Sometimes that reassurance can inform a decision

Oh OP definitely stop if it's making you miserable.

I would say though that it does get much easier past 5/6 weeks if you wanted to give it more time. I never thought I would breastfeed and I'm still feeding my 22 month old and 12 week old!

I felt like you with my first and combi fed until about 3 months (it gave me the breathing space I needed) she had 2 bottles of either formula or expressed milk (if I'd managed to collect any let down from other feeds)

I have an amazing pillow that I lay baby on and they feed/nap and I watch TV/read/do some work on my small business. All whilst they feel close to me but I'm hands free!

Fed is best though and do whatever you need to do to stay sane before people come for me for sharing my experience.

Or just stop and use any of the outfits you already have

As my health visitor said to me 'you do not need permission to stop'

I made it to the 2 week mark both times, and can honestly say that I didn't feel a connection to either of my babies until I stopped.

Look up D-MER. Can you relate to anything said?

Give it more time. Few weeks are the hardest. It's gets better. I love it 🥰

Honestly it's so much easier to just lob ya baba on ya tit than making bottles of formula.

the OP has already said she wants to give up bf and use 100% formula. She’s not looking to be persuaded to continue with bf.

Do what’s right for you OP. It sounds to me as if you have tried your best and it wasn’t for you, so no shame in stopping. I have done both but wouldn’t dream of trying to influence you in any which way.

I have noticed that whenever this topic comes up on mumsnet people get quite heated, very quickly. It’s such a shame! The majority of posters on this thread so far have been completely supportive of OP and it’s in fact the formula feeders who have been telling Op what to do, not the other way around. In this case it sounds like you’ve already made your decision OP so 100% stick to what you think is right, it’s your baby.

I experienced more judgment when I was breastfeeding than when I formula fed, for what it’s worth. I felt uncomfortable feeding in public,I was approached by “interested men” and frowned upon by a few people telling me to go to the toilet. It was really hard. The amount of people who would go into a massive essay about why they couldn’t breastfeed as well was astonishing when I never once asked them how they fed their baby!

Just make a decision that works for you and that’s that. Advice to wean slowly is good- getting mastitis is ridiculously painful!! Telling someone to go slowly and let your body get used to the change is NOT telling OP to not stop.

Good luck Op.