Not making it all about your kids

[OcadoHummus]

After observing friends' and family's parenting over the holidays, I keep noticing the same thing. They put their children at the centre of everything.

They plan their days out, their budget, and their lifestyle around the child.

Because of it, they don't even have their own interests or pleasures.

I buy myself nice things, nice clothes and treat myself.

All of their available funds will be openly spent on the clothing and toys for their children.

Nobody is happy if mama’s aren't happy, and I'm the only one who can say with assurance, "I'm someone too, and I equally matter."

I'm not ashamed to admit that I spend the same amount on what makes me happy too .

I don't actually believe that overindulging a child and telling them everything you do and work hard for is for them.

It only produces spoiled brats.

Or do I have no shame? 😂

The “my children are my world" is one of the biggest problems we have right now.

Ah, OK, now I am sure you’re on a wind up.

I've often noticed that the "my children are my world" people actually don't prioritise their children.

There's a difference in wanting the best for your kids and making them the centre if your universe.

I wanted DS the have swimming lessons, good bikes and good shoes growing up, I felt it important.so he had those things, but we went without in order to make that happen. So l his swimming lessons meant I didn't have a gym membership,so instead took up running. That's not the same as him being the apple of my eye and him being an over indulged selfish twat.

What a totally bizarre thread to post. I'm still not quite seeing what OP is doing that is particularly unusual or noteworthy...

The issue is this. I feel like it is because I've seen enough sad things.

Women have been genuinely taken for granted for generations. It's great if that isn't your experience or that of your family members, but that's what I'm observing here.

For instance, consider how a woman would spend the entire Christmas day cooking and taking care of everyone. No gifts from the husband, no relaxing, let's help/take over a little bit... Moreover, it's the accepted standard.

I always buy what I like to wear firstly and then I’ll buy theirs, usually something of equal quality. I would never buy my daughter something lovely but not myself?!
Kids grow and need new clothes. If you feel the need to buy yourself "something lovely" every time your kids grow then bully for you. Don't kid yourself it makes you a superior parent though

But nothing you are saying is promoting women or women’s freedoms really. It’s writing some trite Version of what works for you and deciding that that’s what being true to yourself actually means.

telling us that you choose designer clothes over your children and let your daughter watch you complete your skin care is debasing the enormities of the issues women actually face and WHY women are in the situations they are in.

I wanted DS the have swimming lessons, good bikes and good shoes growing up, I felt it important.so he had those things, but we went without in order to make that happen. So l his swimming lessons meant I didn't have a gym membership,so instead took up running. That's not the same as him being the apple of my eye and him being an over indulged selfish twat.

I find the concept of withholding something small that gives you pleasure really baffling I guess.

I just wouldn’t do it to myself if it actually meant something to me.

I would find a way to get what I wanted for myself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yet...there you are performing an entire skin care routine that is solely aimed at women, to keep them looking youthful for longer... ( Think about who you're looking younger for...it's certainly not other women...) AND you are showing your daughter this is a normal and expected daily behaviour... Ingraining in her from her infancy that it's what should happen and that ultimately men's opinions are so important we've normalised these things.

But no, you're being a strong independent woman raising a daughter who won't put up with any patriarchy nonsense...

Kids grow and need new clothes. If you feel the need to buy yourself "something lovely" every time your kids grow then bully for you. Don't kid yourself it makes you a superior parent though

I don’t think this is about me being a superior parent but just about me openly saying I fulfil my own desires and I love it.

So, if push came to shove, and you could only afford one winter coat between you and your child. Who would get the coat?

Ok. So I suppose the question is what if you simply couldn’t afford to fulfil your own desires while meeting your children’s needs. You are coming at this from a very financially secure position clearly. And saying that you would “find a way” isn’t a convincing argument

Yet...there you are performing an entire skin care routine that is solely aimed at women, to keep them looking youthful for longer... ( Think about who you're looking younger for...it's certainly not other women...) AND you are showing your daughter this is a normal and expected daily behaviour... Ingraining in her from her infancy that it's what should happen and that ultimately men's opinions are so important we've normalised these things.

I would disagree and I would say women don’t do it for men at all. It’s not about what some random man thinks is it?

Women can do it for themselves, it definitely isn’t about pleasing men with our looks.

I think women have evolved past the point of living for male validation at this point.

I find the concept needing to have "something lovely" because your child is getting new clothes quite odd.

This was exactly my point about socially acceptable interests/hobbies/pampering yourself.

I have no interest in clothes. In my job they get ruined or stained, they need to be comfy with plenty of give and freedom of movement. So I don't spend a lot on clothes, or buy them very often. I don't need or want to. I get what suits my job,my fat arse and my "I need to be comfortable " attitude. DD on the other hand loves clothes, is growing too fucking quickly all the time and she's also at an age where she wants to experiment with different styles to see what she likes and what suits her. So of course I buy more clothes for her, very often lovely things,sometimes even expensive without even thinking about myself. Not because I can't afford it or because I put her first, but because she wants and needs(frikking 2cm growth every few months) them and I don't .

My frumpy ass is a choice not a result of DD being the centre of my universe. But you wouldn't know that would you?

Same applies to spa days,makeup , skin care shit ,nails done ,pretty shoes and so on. She has some of these because she wants them . I don't because I have no interest in any of it.

OP sounds obsessed with buying a childhood

Again, all you are telling us is that you can afford to splash out on new clothes for yourself every time your kids need new clothes. Well done. Not everyone can. Best to wait until your kids are grown before you are able to say that your way produces the best adult kids!

So, if push came to shove, and you could only afford one winter coat between you and your child. Who would get the coat?

this just wouldn’t happen because there are enough coats in this house that we could shove our bodies into if needs must lol

I know this sounds terribly

rude but increasingly OP sounds like a ‘MLM Boss Babe’.

I would love to believe that we have all simply “evolved” beyond satisfying men.

Well imagine you didn't. No other suitable clothes and the budget only stretched to one good winter coat. Who do you pick? You or your child?

Best to wait until your kids are grown before you are able to say that your way produces the best adult kids!

I'm not saying I’m producing the best adults here I’m saying I’m allowing myself a pleasurable life, not sacrificing my own desires my kid is fine with that. Not going without. That is it!

I know this sounds terribly rude but increasingly OP sounds like a ‘MLM Boss Babe’.

absolutely no idea what an MLM is?

No.

Answer the question.

Who would get the coat.

Pretend.... Your house has burned down. You have nothing but the clothes on your back and £10. It's cold, the cheapest coat you can find Costs £8. You can only afford one. So who gets the coat?

From your previous threads,it's you...?

Well imagine you didn't. No other suitable clothes and the budget only stretched to one good winter coat. Who do you pick? You or your child?

The problem in your line of questioning is your own issue not mine. This budget and decision doesn’t exist to me and I don’t have to consider it.

That’s not me being disrespectful but me knowing if I want something I will make it happen through working for what I want.

I’d like to say politely I know what I’m doing and it’s a priority to me that we don’t end up in such a situation.

Multi level marketing. Pyramid schemes. I am sure it’s just the way the thread has gone but the tone feels like the posts I see on Facebook “come on mummies! Let’s do this for us! #bossbabe” and full
of women swallowing a false
promise that they could drive a white 4x4 and a camel wool coat, full
manicure and gym membership while also being able to attend every school event and keep hubs happy #happywifehappylife

i think the point is just “don’t put yourself bottom of the priorities” but over and over people are explaining that many women simply don’t have the choice