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Original poster

Not making it all about your kids

229 replies

OcadoHummus · 27/12/2022 14:39

After observing friends' and family's parenting over the holidays, I keep noticing the same thing. They put their children at the centre of everything.

They plan their days out, their budget, and their lifestyle around the child.

Because of it, they don't even have their own interests or pleasures.

I buy myself nice things, nice clothes and treat myself.

All of their available funds will be openly spent on the clothing and toys for their children.

Nobody is happy if mama’s aren't happy, and I'm the only one who can say with assurance, "I'm someone too, and I equally matter."

I'm not ashamed to admit that I spend the same amount on what makes me happy too .

I don't actually believe that overindulging a child and telling them everything you do and work hard for is for them.

It only produces spoiled brats.

Or do I have no shame? 😂

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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AnnieFarmer · 29/12/2022 20:49

Nishky32 · 28/12/2022 09:09

How did you ‘raise’ them to be like that? Lecture them, diagrams?. My teens understand that they are not the centre of the universe and have part time jobs ( as do millions of teenagers- not sure why you think that is something special)

I just sort of got on with life…….

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Why such a nasty reply? I didn’t claim to do anything special. I just get on with life, too.

koalabearboombox · 29/12/2022 21:05

I feel you could have articulated this point in a much more sensitive way.

Many parents - myself included - have desperately wanted children a long time and having them is simply the greatest pleasure imaginable. Life is so fleeting, why shouldn't a parent be able to let themselves be consumed by their love for their kids, particularly while they're young?

My DS is 2 and while I work unbelievably hard 4 days a week I also make time for friends and home-based hobbies. I also take a lot of joy in sharing hobbies like baking and swimming with DS. Just because he is quite literally the centre of my universe, and I'm not out at the wine bar every week, doesn't mean I'm not an individual with a life too. It just looks really different to what it was pre children.

EdieLedwell · 29/12/2022 21:41

koalabearboombox · 29/12/2022 21:05

I feel you could have articulated this point in a much more sensitive way.

Many parents - myself included - have desperately wanted children a long time and having them is simply the greatest pleasure imaginable. Life is so fleeting, why shouldn't a parent be able to let themselves be consumed by their love for their kids, particularly while they're young?

My DS is 2 and while I work unbelievably hard 4 days a week I also make time for friends and home-based hobbies. I also take a lot of joy in sharing hobbies like baking and swimming with DS. Just because he is quite literally the centre of my universe, and I'm not out at the wine bar every week, doesn't mean I'm not an individual with a life too. It just looks really different to what it was pre children.

I love this. My "kids" are grown adults now and I just love them more than ever. The joy I get from doing something great for them far exceeds any spa day, or stupidly expensive socks, none of which appeal to me anyway.

We all have such a laugh together and I know they're both very grateful for everything we do for them.

One of them will not be able to live independently, the other one is launching into the world with aplomb.

We did make it all about them from the moment they arrived, worked out great for us.

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BabyFour2023 · 29/12/2022 21:50

koalabearboombox · 29/12/2022 21:05

I feel you could have articulated this point in a much more sensitive way.

Many parents - myself included - have desperately wanted children a long time and having them is simply the greatest pleasure imaginable. Life is so fleeting, why shouldn't a parent be able to let themselves be consumed by their love for their kids, particularly while they're young?

My DS is 2 and while I work unbelievably hard 4 days a week I also make time for friends and home-based hobbies. I also take a lot of joy in sharing hobbies like baking and swimming with DS. Just because he is quite literally the centre of my universe, and I'm not out at the wine bar every week, doesn't mean I'm not an individual with a life too. It just looks really different to what it was pre children.

All of this 👌🏼👌🏼

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