When are we going to stop normalising jet-setting fathers leaving mothers and young babies at home?

[Chickenchopstix]

Or even celebrating it?
Unfortunately, this is the case in the circles I'm surrounded by. A baby comes along, Dad's life continues whilst new mothers are stuck at home exhausted with young babies and a lack of support, or they're having to ask other family members to step in and do Dad's role so they can continue with luxurious social lives.

It happened to me with my children when they were babies and I fell out of love with their father and left him when I felt strong enough. But I've never forgotten how he made me feel. There was a year or so of breastfeeding and teething and sleepless nights, of them just needing their parents and then we could pick up our lives a little. But my DH couldn't do it. He fought for his freedom, for his lads holidays and golfing trips and just said "just because you can't leave them, doesn't mean I can't." I really needed his support and he abandoned me for a social life that he couldn't put on the shelf for a very short time during those crazy, sleep deprived baby years. I never felt the same about him again.

This weekend, two male friends have gone away for a few days- both have young babies at home and the responses on social media are celebratory of their latest escapade. I just find it ridiculous. A breastfeeding mum can't do this and it shouldn't be normalised that Dad's can and leave their wives at home instead of being a team and doing their share.

The baby years don't last forever.

The comments on the post annoy me- all so celebratory and yet if a mother of a young baby took these abroad trips so often, it would be frowned upon. Although let's face it, how do breastfeeding mums even get the opportunity?

"Dripping with disdain".... really? Since when did giving a viewpoint which I have witnessed AND experienced myself mean that my responses must be disdainful? Please enlighten us.

"Demeaning to women's intelligence..." what about the women who aren't intelligent? The ones with autism? Other forms of neurodiversity, many undiagnosed who literally can't be so forthright with these pre-pegnancy articulate conversations that you preach of? Or even the ones from complicated backgrounds who are infact intelligent, but perhaps experiencing trauma? Is it all their fault too for not seeking advice from their crystal balls?

You're off your rocker to believe that every woman should have the same degree of intelligence, level of communication and ability to think objectively regardless of class, background, culture, experiences, intelligence.

You sound like an over-priviledged small town moron with no life experience or comprehension of humanity.

I'm going to leave it there.
Thanks to all posters who see this problem, we can only hope that this post have atleast made some women and men think about this issue which affects many of us women after having babies.

Just to add that I am not saying that autistic women can't be intelligent before that is pounced on too. They're more so much of the time... I'm talking here of emotional, relational competence in intimate relationships.

@DrMarciaFieldstone There is a difference between a work trip and a lads holiday though (if I've picked up what you said correctly).

Work trips are part of a job and unavoidable really whereas a lads holiday is much more of a choice and avoidable expense?

@Chickenchopstix examples of the disdain evident in your tone from your penultimate message -
’You're off your rocker’
‘You sound like an over-priviledged small town moron with no life experience or comprehension of humanity’
Please note, I’m not from a small town, I am the direct opposite of over privileged and have enjoyed a wide range of experiences in my personal and professional life. Your social circle however does sound quite niche as it’s full of men jetting off from their wives and children constantly, an experience most of the people on this thread have told you they have not seen in their own lives.
You should maybe consider how you communicate with others and the impression you make, but thanks for proving my point I suppose!

At my last job there were a few guys who went off for lads holidays.

Regardless of intelligence, women are still responsible for their own choices. If you decide to breastfeed, you're not able to jet off away from your kids whenever you fancy. If you have kids with a dick, he'll continue to be a dick. Even if you're not very smart, you should be able to figure that out.

Exactly.

We women have the ultimate power over who sires our children, and who doesn't.

The red flags are always, always there.

I truly believe there are men out there not fit to be fathers and many of them don’t reveal that till after the fact. Red flags are not always there. It sounds like a get out of jail card and a stick to beat women with. Of course some make stupid choices but many are deceived. After all isn’t there a statistic that abuse it violence can start after pregnancy? After not occurring at all before by the man.

Ultimately none of us want to feel vulnerable. It is why we place so much blame and responsibility on those who are mistreated.

But women are the ones who have to shoulder the burden of pregnancy, labour, breastfeeding etc. etc. It's not victim blaming, you twit, 🤣🤣🤣 it's about recognising the risks and safeguarding yourself. Take a bit of responsibility for your decisions.

@Chickenchopstix "You sound like an over-priviledged small town moron with no life experience or comprehension of humanity."

Heavens.