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Original poster

Parents rudeness

370 replies

happymom92 · 05/12/2022 05:19

Dear daughter is 4.5, reception class. She went to a trampoline park with my sister on saturday because I was working that day and by pure coincidence she met some of her class friends there.
One of them was having a birthday party(basically a booked table or 2 with a few adults and kids in a open space area). So ofc my DD was playing with her classmates and going to their table. The birthday girl mum ignored my daughter and literally turn her back on my daughter and offered all the other kids a slice of pizza. My sister noticed that and tried to remove her from there.
After a while ofc they had cake with Elsa(my daughter’s favourite character) and she was crying and being so upset why she can’t join them celebrate her friend’s birthday and have some cake too.
I do know she had no obligation whatsoever to include my daughter, but I just find it so rude and cruel to act like this with a 4 year old, especially being from the same class. I could never do it. I am thinking to privately message her or put a message on the parents group class(not giving names ofc) that we should all be nicer people(clearly she isn’t), maybe to learn something for the future. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go and not stir things up and make it awkward when we meet eachother at school pick ups

PS in case she didn’t recognise my daughter, one of the other mums invited with her daughter at the party definitely knows my daughter and she didn’t say anything either (not her place to say it, but just for the record )

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sneezingpandamum · 05/12/2022 05:24

Sorry but your sister should have kept her away from the party group especially when food and cake was being served. It's pretty rude on your part to expect your daughter to have been included when she wasn't invited. Those parties are pretty expensive per head and maybe she only had enough food for those actually invited

If your child was such good friends with the birthday child she'd have been invited herself

I'd have been pretty annoyed if some whining crying tantrumming child was causing a fuss around the birthday group

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 05:27

Yes, I agree with PP above, your daughter should have been told by DSis to leave them, if it was clear they were not going to say ‘join us’. Sounds quite irritating actually, and it’s rude to expect she could just be fed and have cake because she saw someone she knows. This could happen many times now she’s met lots of people through school

Please don’t put anything on the group chat, you’ll sound unhinged.

toomuchlaundry · 05/12/2022 05:32

You’ll be ‘that’ parent forever more if you say/post anything

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stayathomer · 05/12/2022 05:33

Oh god what an awkward situation. It wasn’t nice for your daughter but to be fair if they were having a party the mum was probably just in the throws of cake for this girl, cake for this girl and trying to make sure everyone at the party had cake, so I’d take it as a kind of an oversight because she was in that stressed party mode. In the nicest possible way your sister should have moved your ds away from there but I can see how that could have been really hard

Risslan · 05/12/2022 05:33

If they were seen to be adding another child to the party then they'd be expected to have paid for another.

And the birthday girl was obviously well aware she hadn't invited her and didn't want her included so I'm afraid yabu to expect her to be included.

How on earth you explain that to a 4yo I have no idea.

ChiefPearlClutcher · 05/12/2022 05:37

Sorry yabu.

Your 4 year old gatecrashed another child’s birthday party. Where they choose to sit/eat/birthday cake is really none of your business. Your sister should have stepped in. Please don’t embarrass yourself by posting vague insinuations on whatsapp groups.

carefulcalculator · 05/12/2022 05:39

It's unfortunate you were there at the same time and as a parent I wouldn't do what the party mum did, but you really can't say anything. If you post you are just creating drama and potentially more problems for your DD.

Minimise and move on.

Clymene · 05/12/2022 05:44

Your sister let your daughter gate crash someone else's party! That's rude. If you complain, you will be a social outcast forever. Don't make a bad situation worse.

Now is the time to start teaching your daughter that no one gets invited to everything.

theyoungishman · 05/12/2022 05:46

Your sister really should've stepped in before it got to the point where she was asking for cake !! Definitely don't post anything on WhatsApp .. it's not going to reflect well on you

Thepossibility · 05/12/2022 05:59

If course your DD can't just join a party she wasn't invited to. Even if she does love Elsa/cake or whatever.
I love weddings but I can't just rock up to one uninvited and join in.

girlmom21 · 05/12/2022 06:11

I agree with the others that it's your sister who was rude here.

It's fine for them to play together in open space but she should have come away when they were doing party things like food and cake.

ittakes2 · 05/12/2022 06:14

Parents pay for these parties per child and the venue provide food per child. Unfort your daughter was gate crashing and your sister should have respected this was a party your daughter was not invited to. Glad you asked because it would be a huge mistake posting anything to other parents and you would become known as a tricky parent and your daughter would get less invites to parties because of your decision.

MassiveSalad22 · 05/12/2022 06:16

Wow!! Trampoline parties are like £25 per head you know. Even if it was somewhere else you don’t just barge in to other kids’ parties 😬😬 can’t believe that needs pointing out 😂

Dogsitter1 · 05/12/2022 06:23

Definitely don’t post anything.
I don’t think you are being unreasonable. The party girl mother is unlikely to have to pay any extra - as your DD was already in the park. All she had to do was let her have a slice of pizza and a sliver of cake. None of this is likely to have cost her extra as food prepared is fixed amount for these parties. The host would rather see a 4 yo upset? Some people are just mean.

As your sister had also paid for your DD to be in the trampoline park - I can understand her not wanting to leave, and that seems unfair as DD misses out on playing there.

pompomsandtinsel · 05/12/2022 06:25

Omg do not post anything on the whatsap group.
They were mean but that's life. Do not message anyone anything. Just use this thread to let off steam.

MassiveSalad22 · 05/12/2022 06:33

Dogsitter1 · 05/12/2022 06:23

Definitely don’t post anything.
I don’t think you are being unreasonable. The party girl mother is unlikely to have to pay any extra - as your DD was already in the park. All she had to do was let her have a slice of pizza and a sliver of cake. None of this is likely to have cost her extra as food prepared is fixed amount for these parties. The host would rather see a 4 yo upset? Some people are just mean.

As your sister had also paid for your DD to be in the trampoline park - I can understand her not wanting to leave, and that seems unfair as DD misses out on playing there.

But if you’d paid £25 per head for a party then you’ve invited certain people for a reason. Some other random kid gate crashing isn’t really on. Also no one is saying they should have left the park, just the area where the party stuff was!

Anyway I think this is a reverse now.

MolesOnPoles · 05/12/2022 06:38

Putting anything on the WhatsApp group would be immensely childish and just reflect badly on you.

It would have been nice to have included your daughter, and if there was nothing stopping it (extra cost, or the girls not getting along) then I probably would have done.

But it was thoughtless of your sister to let it get to that stage. Your daughter shouldn’t have been hanging around when she wasn’t invited.

Orchidflower1 · 05/12/2022 06:39

Honestly op your dd is going to be so entitled if you carry on like this.

she wasn’t invited to the party- most likely out of cost not malice so she should not have been whining around the party table.

please do not message the mum. It’s the start of school- you’ll forever be known amongst the other mums as pestering for an invite.

Same1977 · 05/12/2022 06:45

I would be annoyed if my child was having a party and someone just assumed they can join .After all food etc are catered for bearing numbers in mind and if the girls were close I'm sure your daughter would have been invited.

Dogsitter1 · 05/12/2022 06:49

OP - I wouldn’t have been annoyed. As long as the children got on, I would have thought there was another child to celebrate my DD’s birthday for free! Parties are meant to be joyous events!

As before- some people are mean.

pilates · 05/12/2022 06:49

YABU
Your sister should have kept her away. You need to explain to your daughter that she will not be invited to all the parties and she needs to accept this graciously obviously with the help of you.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 05/12/2022 06:56

YABU. It sounds like it was a booked party from your description so your child / sister / you expect them to offer your child the food that they have ordered for the children that they had booked and paid for? It therefore wouldn’t have been a party table with loads of food laid out.
Just wondering if she had pizza and cake what would have happened if she wanted a party bag as it had Elsa’s picture on it? Better to nip it in the bud to start with.
honestly if you send something on the WhatsApp group you’ll look loony. It may even affect your daughters invites to future parties / play dates.

BeanieTeen · 05/12/2022 07:01

Your sister should have kept her away from the group and interacted with her better or distracted her. Sounds like a couple of friends and family affair. Not really fair on the parent trying to manage the party having to make accommodations for your daughter (not your daughter’s fault obviously). Your sister handled it badly.

Dogsitter1 · 05/12/2022 07:02

Not giving a party bag is understandable as unavoidable. I would have just offered one slice of pizza unless some going to waste.
It only takes small gestures to make a big difference. And friendliness is completely free!
If there was no possibility of pizza, I would definitely have offered a sliver of cake.

Of course explain to your DD - doesn’t make the host any less mean

ImNotBella · 05/12/2022 07:08

I'm sorry op but your daughter should not have expected party food. Don't these type of parties charge per child?
Also I think if she did give your daughter a slice of pizza, then some cake, she would have definitely expected a party bag when all the other children were leaving with one.

Definitely do not bring it up with the other parents.

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