Parents rudeness

[happymom92]

Dear daughter is 4.5, reception class. She went to a trampoline park with my sister on saturday because I was working that day and by pure coincidence she met some of her class friends there.
One of them was having a birthday party(basically a booked table or 2 with a few adults and kids in a open space area). So ofc my DD was playing with her classmates and going to their table. The birthday girl mum ignored my daughter and literally turn her back on my daughter and offered all the other kids a slice of pizza. My sister noticed that and tried to remove her from there.
After a while ofc they had cake with Elsa(my daughter’s favourite character) and she was crying and being so upset why she can’t join them celebrate her friend’s birthday and have some cake too.
I do know she had no obligation whatsoever to include my daughter, but I just find it so rude and cruel to act like this with a 4 year old, especially being from the same class. I could never do it. I am thinking to privately message her or put a message on the parents group class(not giving names ofc) that we should all be nicer people(clearly she isn’t), maybe to learn something for the future. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go and not stir things up and make it awkward when we meet eachother at school pick ups

PS in case she didn’t recognise my daughter, one of the other mums invited with her daughter at the party definitely knows my daughter and she didn’t say anything either (not her place to say it, but just for the record )

You would have to be cold as the friggin North Pole to not hand a 4yo kid a little slice of cake, even if you didn't invite them. It's not like they were taken there at that time on purpose, it was a genuine coincidence.

I see it was awkward for both the party girl's mum and your sister. It is hard for kids to understand if they are not invited they can not join in at the party table.

Had I been the host mum, I would have acknowledged your daughter but explained to her that she could not share the food. But I would have given a piece of cake to your sister for her. I used to find being the host mum stressful and it is always a full on two hours.

Definitely do not post on any whatapp class group about it. You need to let it go.

the op is somewhat similar and thinks her kid should have been able to join in and get fed. It’s just so utterly awkward for everyone when you have a parent who thinks their kid is entitled

Yeah this. And it’s not as easy as giving the kid a piece of cake is it, like some pp have said. Because then they want to sit with their friends, and have the pizza too, and the drink. And then the party bags. So you need to find a seat, a glass, a plate. And then what if another child they know turns up?

I mean, I doubt OPs daughter would have been happy with being given cake but told to go away as she could not eat it with all her friends. Plus she was unhappy they were eating the meal without her, so there’s the whole meal to get through whilst she is upset, before we get to cake cutting.

Obviously, though, most parents aren’t going to particularly want their child to associate with someone whose parent thinks it’s OK to refer to the “friggin North Pole”.

YABU. I agree it’s a really tricky situation and I personally wouldn’t have behaved like the party mum - if it had been me and one child from DC class was there and playing with the party group then I would’ve invited them to have a bit of cake if they were standing right there. But that’s me. You can feel a bit disgruntled, it’s fine. But don’t say anything, honestly.

I'll book the elocution course right now @Outfor150

So you give EVERY kid in the venue a slice of cake?

What an utterly ridiculous (impractical and stupid) comment, she wasnt invited thats a very clear, logical, socially acceptible line in the sand.

Suppose you have a party for 15 people at a trampoline park. If 15 other children from school happened to turn up at the trampoline park, would you give them all cake?

If not what would your limit be?

Not EVERY kid in the venue just happened to be classmates with the kid though, did they @mam0918?

Fifteen other people didn't show up @marcopront one did. By accident.

We don't need to play hypothetical games because the situation has already occurred.

Did you send your sister to the place on purpose as you were upset your dd was left out?

it is v unreasonable and unrealistic to expect the mother to suddenly allow your daughter to the party just because she suddenly shows up

Wow, what a majority of self serving and mean responses.

OP, I get that it would have been awkward for the host and equally for your sister who perhaps didn't quite know how to respond.

I'm a Mum to 3, have done so many birthday parties and I would never, ever have done what this Mum did.

It is highly unlikely that the venue would have charged for your daughter, entry had already been paid! I get that perhaps there wasn't enough food. But a measly slice of cake!? Come on! I'm in agreement with you. Let it go and learn that this is how a lot of people are.

Trust me, I had no idea about that girls party. Just my sister took her there to do something inside in this cold weather. It was pure coincidence

You are being so so so unreasonable. Those parties cost a fortune. Plus cake, party bags etc. You only bring enough for the people you invite. Its all good spouting the 'kindness' crap but there's also etiquette.

The other mother doesn't know OPs kid... likely has zero clue she is in the same class IF she even is.

They are 4/5... in reception they started in SEPTEMBER they have litrally known each other a matter of weeks and the mother doesnt know them at all.

The fact that OP claims she knew ONE other parent at this party (not all of them) and this is someone she spoke to ONCE about their kids having similar names does not in anyway mean the birthday childs (who might not even be in OPs daughters class, could be a cousin or old nursey friend or out of school friends) mam knew anything except a kid she doesnt know followed another kid they had been playing with from the public area to the private party area.

Also OP is assuming the mother she claims to know (who WOULDNT know her sister) was even there to recognise her kid what if the class mate was also there with an aunt/grandma who has no clue who OPs kid is.

People are trying themselves in insane knots thinking this mother EXCLUDED one poor hard done by 'best friend' of these kids... but they simply don't know who she even is and OP doesnt even know for a fact who they where and whos birthday it was because she wasnt even there.

I am not originally from the UK, but neither India or Pakistan. We do have big parties and small parties, each to their own. But if I were to meet someone that I know in a public venue and they were not invited I would still ask them to stay for a drink, or at least be polite and not blindly turning my back on them. I guess it can be seen as a cultural thing. Or maybe I am just being too nice

😂😂😂 errr you parent. What a statement. I hate that.
Sorry you could have bloody awards in parenting, but trying to stop a 4 year old from seeing her friends in a play centre is hard. And why would you remove them from the area just because they aren't invited and feel upset. The kids are FOUR.
It's just odd to say that.

It could have been handled better by all sides.
Sister says to child, no, you can't have the food or cake, I'll buy you your own slice. You can go and play with your friends, in the same way you would, if you spotted people there and it wasn't a party situation.

If you see a child in the same class, you say hello. Probably a bit awkward as the girl wasn't invited.
You're also only 3 months into school.... I don't know all the kids in my child's class.

It's life's, move on. Don't send cryptic messages and don't worry about it.

But when the group of girls came also to my sister’s table when she was staying there with my daughter? Their parents should have come and remove them also(talking about social boundries and private space)

If your DS and DD where sat eating your food, yes of course they would come remove their kid.

If they where just in the public area popping over for a moment while their mate grabbed a swig of her fruitshoot bottle or asked if she could have £1 for the toy machines.

Which is obviously not remotely the same as what your DD did by following them to their private booked area and expecting food/treats.

A non invited kid going to the reserved/book private party table/area is of course not ok.

But when the group of girls came also to my sister’s table when she was staying there with my daughter? Their parents should have come and remove them also(talking about social boundries and private space)

Correct - they should have.

I agree they should but it still doesn’t justify your anger against the Party Mum.
Plus she had a group of kids to supervise and your sister had 1

Are you drunk or do you just struggle with reading? I told you exactly how I would deal with it 😂😂

Well pretty simply really it’s called parenting. I would say you can play with them in the park but the table area is private. If they went to the table, I would take her away, if she continued to do so she would be warned that if it continued we would leave

I’ve put it in bold for you @jamoncrumpets seen as you’re clearly struggling with reading further than the opening line.

I think they were wrong to exclude a small child (I would have offered cake), but a follow up message (especially a cryptic one!) is a bad idea

Very strict social protocols in soft play centres these days, it would seem.