Parents rudeness

[happymom92]

Dear daughter is 4.5, reception class. She went to a trampoline park with my sister on saturday because I was working that day and by pure coincidence she met some of her class friends there.
One of them was having a birthday party(basically a booked table or 2 with a few adults and kids in a open space area). So ofc my DD was playing with her classmates and going to their table. The birthday girl mum ignored my daughter and literally turn her back on my daughter and offered all the other kids a slice of pizza. My sister noticed that and tried to remove her from there.
After a while ofc they had cake with Elsa(my daughter’s favourite character) and she was crying and being so upset why she can’t join them celebrate her friend’s birthday and have some cake too.
I do know she had no obligation whatsoever to include my daughter, but I just find it so rude and cruel to act like this with a 4 year old, especially being from the same class. I could never do it. I am thinking to privately message her or put a message on the parents group class(not giving names ofc) that we should all be nicer people(clearly she isn’t), maybe to learn something for the future. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go and not stir things up and make it awkward when we meet eachother at school pick ups

PS in case she didn’t recognise my daughter, one of the other mums invited with her daughter at the party definitely knows my daughter and she didn’t say anything either (not her place to say it, but just for the record )

This is down to your Sister, She should have stopped her going anywhere near that table as soon as she seen,. Its her you should be cross with but seeing the entitlement in your post I am presuming you would have acted the same way as your Sis.

Got to be a reverse. No one can be this entitled surely?

Your sister should have kept her distracted and away.

Ah I feel for your DD, it’s upsetting but she wasn’t invited to the party. You can’t just expect to be included.

OP - you probably would have acted like me in this situation. You’ll work out your kindred spirits in your DD’s class.

Your sister should have managed this better. You can't crash a party no matter what age.

And FGS do not post on the WhatsApp group. It won't end well for you.

Ermmm you can't expect someone who's paid for a party per head to cater to your child because she rocked up and crashed it!
The food was for the party guests, and she wasn't invited.
She should have been kept away, or if she was that upset your sister should have taken her elsewhere.
If you say anything you will look like a complete CF.

Dear God no don't posy anything, also at almost 5 she should have some understanding, shes ot a toddler. You are being utterly ridiculous. She should have been kept away from the party

Sorry but this sort of wankery behaviour can only really happen in the UK, I mean seriously, the woman, whilst pretending to be social has serious issues. I’ve seen this happen throughout primary and it’s pathetic. The weirdos that would do this usually think themselves special. I would not give it another thought. The classes will change your daughter will find her besties and trust me it will not be the party girl not the mum. The apple never falls far from the tree.

Why is it wankery to not want an uninvited child crashing a birthday party? OP says they are friends but that seems to be based on the fact that they’re in the same class; if they were really friends, the child would have been invited.

CF behaviour expecting her child to be welcomed and god forbid anything upsets her

I can’t believe what I’m reading
Op you are definitely not unreasonable, it’s unfortunate that your dd was in the same place as the party but the party mum should have given her a slice of cake with Elsa . It’s really no skin off her nose, kids eat a tiny amount of cake .
im sure if she explained to the trampoline place they would definitely not charge for an extra person considering she’s already played .
can you imagine how they poor child feels ? Seeing her friends there but not being allowed to join in?
shocking behavior from the posters on this site. I’m so glad the parents of my dd’s classmates or indeed myself would never exclude a small child child like this .
OP- I’m not sure if WhatsApping would be a good idea but I think letting your daughter invite a friend up for a play date or to bring a friend to McDonalds might cheer her up a bit .

I wouldn't post anything. Just leave it alone and move on. You won't be doing yourself or your DD any favours by posting something that will be seen as passive aggressive and a wee bit precious. It'll likely raise eyebrows and you'll end up alienating yourself and DD.

Since it's reception class and you were not there the mum might not even have realised they were in the same class. I would just leave it.

Awkward all round. My son is the same age so I can completely understand how upset your DD would have been, but your expectations are very unreasonable.

Your sister should have kept her well away, taken her off to the counter to buy cake, promise her a treat later, whatever.

Those things are charged per head, catered per head and cost a bloody fortune. It's also rude to expect to join something just because you happen to be there.

DO NOT send any messages. It will only reflect badly on you and your sister.

But FWIW, I hope if I was in that situation I'd at least offer a piece of cake.

That’s an awkward situation, but YABU to write in the WhatsApp group. Your sister acted wrongly here -you cannot gate crash someone else’s party -it was incredibly rude of your sister to let that happen. She needed to distract your child or take her home. I think you need to apologise to the birthday child’s mum, or you will get a bit of a reputation.

Look at it from the mums point of view, she may have thought your daughter had heard about the party and been brought to deliberately gate crash. I would’ve let her as I would feel bad upsetting a child this age. Having said that it was a private party room so your sister should’ve kept her out.

It was a strange coincidence and if it was my child’s party I would not begrudge them a small slice of cake. They are still young-ish kids.

Wouldn’t have cost extra, and it’s not like it happens all the time.

They are kids. Show some compassion.

You know what those parties are like, if the DD was effectively joining it and hanging around the table without a grown-up even trying to distract her away or explain she wasn't at the party, then the mum might have been a bit fed up by the time the cake was being cut.

Whereas if the sister had been trying to keep the DD away, got some food at their own table etc then the mum might have been much more likely to bring a slice over to their table.

If it's not a reverse, don't post on the WhatsApp group - those who know what you're talking about will know you're in the wrong and those who don't will peg you as One Of Those People.

This has to be a reverse as surely you should be messaging her apologising for your daughter!

Why should she apologise?

Her little girl saw her classmates having fun and eating cake and wondered why she was excluded!

Some people are just so horrid 😞

Your sister should have kept your daughter well away. She was the one who made the mistake. Having a random child approaching a birthday party food set up constantly and trying to get stuff would be a nightmare. The mother may not have had enough spare for random other kids who wanted in.

If you approach anyone on the group you’ll just get a reply (which is probably fair) of “but your daughter was not invited to the party. We only had enough for the kids my daughter actually did invite.” And it’ll make you feel bad, look stupid and grabby and be awkward AF.

Now, if I was hosting a party and a random classmate of my child tried to get involved I’d probably be a bit of a bleeding heart and try to work it so they could, but I’d be under no obligation to, and neither was this woman.

Take it up with your sister.

Basically your dd gatecrashed (accidentally) a friend from school birthday party and you are annoyed they objected to this? I know they are only 4 but a hello, happy birthday and dd should have been removed by dsis.

Yes, the sister is horrid!

This is just another spin on the "my daughter invited herself to a classmate's sleepover but then the mum said no" story. She wasn't invited. She doesn't get to invite herself. The other mum wasn't mean to say no.

Seriously, the lack of empathy and heart is shocking. So what if she wasn’t invited, she was there. The other woman should have made an effort to say hello and be as polite about it as possible, instead she was an absolute cow. I think a little slice of cake could’ve done. People usually have enough to share amongst parents, come on please don’t tell me she counted out every single slice. It’s crap. Having said all of that, I really don’t think you should write anything, that is the consensus here, I totally agree you should just suck it up and seriously make some decent friends, you will find that your friendship group will change for the first 2-3 years and probably end up with the nicest bunch . Nothing is forever people probably having the second or third child at the moment, and you will find that by year three and four a lot of these people are gonna be splitting up with their partners as well. Especially the ones that are patterned nice, such as the cow in question. Nobody is under any obligation to do anything ever, the people actually have a heart and can relate to how a child might be feeling. This idiot woman could not.

Weird assumption for someone you don't even know.